4 Year old DD asking when she is going to school?

[pinkdolly]

Hiya,

I have 2 dd's my oldest is 4 today and my youngest is 3 at the end of August. I am due to have another DD in 5 weeks.

Right from the start I planned to home-educate the girls. However my oldest is now more aware of what happens around her. Her 7 year old cousin attends a school just down the road and my DD keeps asking when she will be going to school like her cousin.

What is the best response to this?
I tell her that her cousin doesn't have the freedom to do the things that she enjoys! But just wandered how else to explain it to her.

what are your reasons for wanting to home educate?

My oldest is about to turn 5 and we have had this all year as his friends have gone to school. When we are out and about, I point out how we would not be able to do this that and the other if he was at school each day. However, I had not realised that he did not understand what school involved actually until the other day when the subject came up again and he said he would like to go to school one day. So I said, fine, but you realise that you have to get up early and be there for 9am and you have to stay all day without me and have your lunch there and you have to stay into the afternoon as well. And when I pick you up at the end of the day, you bring homework home with you to do. And then the next day you do it again and the next day and the next. And you can't say one day that you don't feel like going that day. You have to go each day. So, anyway, he looked at me and this look of shock was on his face and he said "NO WAY!! I AM NOT DOINMG THAT!!"

Anyway, my point in all this is that I think its normal for them to wonder what it is like, but they often don't truely understand what it involves. So maybe talk to her in more detail about what a school day would be like and how often she would be there.

apronstrings- Where do I start?

*I know everybody has a different experience of school, but mine personally was awful. In secondary school I was bullied for a over a year. the situation was handled very badly by the teachers and I ended up taking an overdose at 13. After that I moved to another school and everything was fine up to a point. My confidence had been shattered and i'd dropped several classes. Used to be in the top sets and ended up moving down. It took a long time to regain that confidence.

My niece who is only 7 has already encountered a fair bit of bullying and her school handles it badly aswell.

• Up to this point I have successfully managed to teach my girls everything they know. If I am good enough for the 1st 5 years of their life then I am good enough to continue.

• Children are only children for a very short time and too much of that time is taken up by them being stuck in a classroom. Think about how much time is wasted getting other children to settle down. Going from classroom to classroom etc etc.

• To me it is much better having one person to a couple of children, then it is one to 30! How can teachers give the individual attention that some children need. The teachers have to achieve set goals at set times and cannot give the extra attention to those who are struggling.

• School does not socialise children for the outside world! Only in school will you be in a class of 30 people, all the same age doing the same thing and wearing the same clothes. I feel my girls can gain a much better knowledge of the knowledge of the world by living it day to day. getting out and mixing with people and dealing with situations they wouldn't otherwise encounter.

• For all the years I attended school I have not retained a lot of the information they tried to drum into me. So how important is all the stuff they try and teach you?

• I dont believe that exams are the best way to gauge how much a child has learnt. Some children ge very stressed at the thought of exams and this hinders their performance in the said exam. It is much better to assess the child as they go along.

Is that enough to be going on with. The list is a lot longer. Needless to say that I have researched the subject a great deal. When I first brought up the subject with my DH he wasn't that keen. I asked him not to make a decision until he had checked it out like me. The more he looked the more he felt that it was the right thing to do.

I know it's not right for everyone and a lot of my friends think i'm mad. But I know that I can do better for my girls then sending them to school. It's not going to be east and I am fully prepared for that. But if I can make learning enjoyable and fun for my girls and nurture their talents so they grow into independent, confident, thoughtful adults. Then I know it will be worth it.

IlanaK- I think you are right, DD1 is at the stage where she knows her cousin goes to school but she doesn't know how long for or what she does there. I am sure it is a stage that she will grow out of. Thanx for your reply.

God I find this hard as I was home ed-ed for a year and HATED it

you sound as though you have researched it and thought about it really well and have the best interests of your girls at heart - BUT do remember that they may THRIVE at school and love the interaction (I did!) so...it makes me sad to read IlanaK's post as it is possible for school to be a generally positive experience. Good luck with whatever you decide though.

IlanaK - did you have a bad experience of school when you were younger? You seem very very negative about it.

Contrary to what we may be led to believe by the media, not all schools are failing children. My two DDs attend a fantastic state primary and I know there is no way I could possibly provide a comparable education at home.

I have no intention of defending my decision to home school, just as I would not expect any of you to defend your decision to send your child to school.

I answered a very specific question on how to deal with a child asking about going to school. That is what this thread is about. Not about whether you should home school or not.

One thing I find quite annoying is that in a section specifically entitled home ed (and therefore having posts from people who either home ed or want to home ed), people regularyly come on and tell us what a wonderful experience school is. It is the same as going onto a thread with a question on how to heat formula milk and telling the poster that they do not need ot heat the formula as they should be breastfeeding instead.

IlanaK, your post to Enid was a bit more harsh than it should've been, I feel. Enid may not be a home-ed parent herself but she has PERSONAL experience of being a home-educated child. Surely in this case, her input is valid ?

No-one has said that you SHOULD be sending your child to school. I'm genuinely interested in how you home-ed. I'm very curious as to why you are so negative about school.

I have been reading this thread with interest for pointers should my DS show an interest in school when he is older (he is 23 months so we've got plenty of time to plan atm!).

Sandy I am a little confused - where in Ilana's post was she negative about school? Getting up early, being without mummy/daddy all day, having lunch at school, doing homework and going everyday all are facts about what school life involves.

hi - disappeared from the thread because i live in the states - time difference etc. My reason for asking why you wanted to home ed was not intended as a judgemental question, more to get an idea about what might be an appropriate way to explain to your dd why she wasn't going to school. I think I would try and stress your positive reasons for wanting to teach her at home, rather than your concerns with school - you don't want to make her anxious or even fearful about school even if she does end up never having to go there.
I also think that as parents we make decisions on our children's behalf all the time. Along the way many of these will be questioned, and at various times they may think they want something different /argue with us etc. but it is entirely reasonable to tell them that that something happens because we say so. we do not let our children eat what they like, make their own decisions about whether something is safe etc. It is imho resonable to tell your dd she is not going to school because m and d would rather teach her at home and explain some of the positive aspects of this.
I am sure you are on to this as you have done some research, but my local area in England used to have a group of home educators who got together with their children form time to time /shared resources etc. Good Luck -

Hi,

Apronstrings- I didn't feel that I had to defend myself regarding you asking me about my reasons for homeschooling. But am used to defending myself to so many other people that I think it naturally comes out that way.

Of course I have positive points about homeschooling. Such as how much I love spending my time with the girls. And how rewarding it is to teach them something new and watch their little faces light up when they realise they can do something they couldn't before.

I'd miss all that if the girls were at school. Someone else would get to see their smiles.

To watch your child's enthusiasm grow for something is fantastic. And I love it when they come out with random things that I may have explained to them and haven't even realised they had retained.

Also just to be able to get up in the morning and say lets go... to the woods, to learn about nature. To the beach to learn about rock pool life. Even too the shops to learn the value of money and interact with people. I find it all very exciting.

Ladies-
Please lets try not to defences about our own choices. I do encounter a lot of it. But in my opinion. I have no problem with people who send their children to school. If people have a problem with me home-edding me. That's their problem not mine.
People try to change my mind all the time, but I am so confident about my decision that I will not be swayed. I do think it is always useful to see both sides of the arguement.

Hi,
Fairly new to this site, but just thought I would say hello and add my two pennies worth. I am mother of two girls (eldest is 31/2, youngest 4 months). I am planning to home ed, and this has always been my intention. I myself had a very good experience at the numerous schools I went to (parents moved around a bit) but I was also very lucky because I went to very good schools. My older sister has 4 children who were all home educated and I have rarely met such well rounded, polite, articulate children.

My reasons for HE'ing are also numerous, one of which being that we intend to move to france in the next couple of years. I am open minded about wether they will go to school when they are secondary school age or not. Cross that bridge when I come to it!
I also find myself becoming defensive when asked by parents of school children why I am home educating, but I think there is a lot of ignorance about what it entails, and I always get the old chestnut about "Aren't you worried about their socialisation?" Ummm...no, why should I be? They meet people all the time and do lots of extra curricular activities such as ballet, music, horse-riding etc etc
Anyway, to sum up, it's a personal choice and we should all be here to support each others choices. I'm really glad to have found a site of like minded people and I'm looking foward to sharing all the ups and downs that we will no doubt encounter!

I am not a hone-edder, but was going to suggest, as ApronStrings has done that rather than trying to0 put them of school, you explain why you want to teach them at home.

Partly because (sorry) IlanaK's description does sound far more negative than most children experience school, and heavily 'weighted' - just look at the current thread about how parents feel about their child at the end of reception year! This could put them of school should you choose that option later, and may also divide them from friends who DO go to school. They are likely to hear very exciting reports of school-attending children, which could conflict with you description, and confuse your child.

Good luck in your home-edding, anyway.

do you think this has come as a shock to her? i would have thought that the main thing about home-edding is that it's not a let's start now type thing..more gradual iykwim. have you spoken to her about your feelings about school in the past? do you think she's assumed she would be going to one?

Welcome Cuddlemonster- Glad you found the site. It is nice to find like minded people to chat to now and again.

Bundle- I have been doing stuff with my girls for quite some time. I never say, "now we are going to learn about..."
Instead I might just suggest that we do an activity. Very similer to if I was going to suggest playing with playdoh.

And when the girls get bored I let them go and do something else. That way I think it will come naturally to them to want to learn.

Quite often my oldest will come to me and ask me to help her with her letters or ask me to explain something to her.

So I dont think I have shocked her with it. It's just that she has begun to realise that her cousin goes to school. At the moment DD1 idolises her cousin and wants to do whatever she does. I am sure that she thinks she would be in the same class, but her cousin is 7.

I have tried to gentle explain that this would not be the case and as they have seperate playgrounds they would probably not see each other at all during the school day.

With regards to my school experience, my DD1 doesn't have a clue. My aim isn't to scare her off school. There may be a time in the future; for whatever reason, that she does go to school. I am quite open minded about that.

But As you said it is a very gradual and natural approach to learning.

At the moment we dont even have a set routine as to when we do "learning activities". Partly because I like her to come to me so I can gauge how interested she is in learning and what she wants to learn (as she is only 4 I feel I can do this). And also because DD3 is due in 4 1/2 weeks. And our general routine is going to be all over the place for a bit while we cope with a new baby in the house.

Blu- Thanx for your advice. I did review my post and realise how negative it sounded. But I am really not that negative, honestly.

Regarding the original post - I would just ask her lots of questions about what she thinks school is like, who goes and how old you have to be to go. Then you could say that some people do school at home, and some in hospital and some have to have their lessons by computer because they live in the outback of Australia, even that in some countries girls wouldn't go to school...

By introducing a wide concept of "schooling" you are extending the idea for your daughter.

Can I ask, nosily, as a non-homeschooler, what would you do if she carried on and on asking to go to school?

Not criticising anyone's choices, just that I can see among my own children that some children really love and benefit from school, just as others never quite 'fit' it. Dd1 would probably have got into homeschooling at one point if we'd tried it, whereas 6yo ds would put himself up for adoption if I seriously suggested it.

Threebob- Thanx for the advice. That's a really good idea. Very positive and introduces her to new concepts and ideas.

Frogs- Interesting point you make. My aim is to help my children grow into independent, responsible individuals. I want to be able to give them some choice in their education. So I suppose, if I had thought they had made an informed/ responsible decision regarding school then I would have to let them go. I fully intend to tell them all about school (and not just what I see to be the negative things). There were a lot of things that I enjoyed about school. I would aim to give them an unbiased opinion on school. I would then hope that they would speak to other children who do go to school and get their opinion on it. That way they can get a wide range of viewpoints.

A friend of mine has just put her 2 homeschooled dd's into school. Just so they get to see what it is like. She didn't want them to miss out on the experience altogether (they are 8 and 10).