Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Flip

Original poster

Come comfort me, my he'd ds wants to go to school, gutted!

11 replies

dandycandyjellybean · 25/06/2013 22:12

He is 7, and attended nursery, but then has been he'd. He has always loved it, as have we, and maintains he never wants to go to school. However, we have always said that if he wanted to go to school we would not stand in his way, and it occurred to me that he can't make an informed choice if he has only experienced home ed. So, I set up a 'school trip' to our local primary.

It is fantastic. If I had to design a school for him to attend if I couldn't he him, this would be it. He was determined he was going to hate it and yet reluctantly loved it. We have talked long and hard and have decided to commit to a year of school for him and then revisit. If he loves it and wants to continue, obviously we would. I am hoping he will enjoy it but still prefer to be he'd, in which case he's had lots of lovely experiences we wouldn't have been able to provide, but we will continue giving him lots of lovely experiences school won't be able to provide. Part of me is enthusiastic, I am sure he will really benefit. Part of me is gutted and just wants to retreat and cry at all we will miss.

Hugs and reassurance pls?

OP posts:

Dizzydummy · 26/06/2013 00:26

To be honest I would be pleased if my DS found a school that he liked and we were happy for him to attend. It sounds as if you have done a great job he'ing him and enabling him to be open minded and confident enough to give it a try. Lucky boy to have that choice and to know that if it doesn't work out for him that he always has the option to go back to he.

I would miss my DS too though so hugs and reassurance to you!!

ommmward · 26/06/2013 09:17

This is true radical unschooling, this is - following the educational needs and preferences of the child, including when that takes the child into school. I'd be very very surprised if he now goes to school for the next 11 years; it'll fulfill various needs for him for a certain length of time.

The only thing I'd say is that if it's a disaster (e.g. bullying), I'd be willing to back off on the "do a year" thing, though I quite understand the reluctance to mess the school around by chopping and changing.

Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 28/06/2013 08:40

Thanks guys, both lovely posts made me feel better.

OP posts:

TanglednotTamed · 28/06/2013 08:43

It will be a lovely experience for him. When a child finds a school that is a perfect fit for them, it is a really great thing.

You will still be able to do many of your HE-type projects and activities at weekends and holidays, so don't feel you are losing out completely. Perhaps you can get involved with the school too during this year?

LandOfSpareOom · 28/06/2013 08:49

You could end up feeling like flaky parent like I do when he comes out after a year, goes back in for a year and now is out again until secondary!

First time there were bullying issues, second time he was frustrated about the repetition of lessons and the sheer length of time it took to learn anything although the social side was good.

You will be fine, it's an adjustment and it's interesting, and sometimes dispiriting, to see what they see because they haven't been in the system from early on.

LandOfSpareOom · 28/06/2013 08:55

And you may find unexpected challenges, such as once ds had completed all his internal goals on the rewards chart, rainbow for a week, rainbow + 5 stickers, star etc he decided to aim for the cloud then the dark cloud! Never expected having to explain you weren't supposed to collect the set!

Saracen · 28/06/2013 10:10

If you feel your son is resilient and mature, then this could be a great time for him to see how school compares with home education. It's particularly good that you like the school too and think it will suit him.

You might want to consider being flexible about the idea of your son attending for an entire year, however. It is easy to get excited about something new and different after one day. But the appeal may wear off quickly and he may discover that it wasn't as much fun as he thought, in which case it may be extreme to make him stick it out for an entire year just because it seemed fun at first.

My dd tried school when she was nine and it was a very useful experience. She loved her visit and the first day, then decided that school was not for her. She didn't hate it, however, and did stick to our agreement that she would do a whole term. I think she sees school in a different light now and has more understanding of people who go to school.

Had she been a few years younger, I think she might not have had the perspective to really understand what she liked and disliked about school, or to realise that the aspects of it which made her unhappy were not her fault. (For example, there was some nastiness associated with girl-cliques, but dd was mature enough not to be drawn into it, and to find her own solutions.) That had been my main concern, that her self-esteem would suffer, so I would have been reluctant for her to go at seven.

But your son is a different character and I'm sure you can tell whether he can deal with the environment now. Anyway, now he has been and liked it you can't really say no! There's always the option of letting him come out if it isn't working, and unlike most children he understands what the alternative is like, so as you say he can make an informed choice

Hope he has a great time!!

HerrenaHarridan · 28/06/2013 23:58

It's an important part if his he experience.

One of my friends was totally unschooled from the start at 14 to he mothers horror she enrolled herself in school and had just sat her exams.

When I asked her why she told me that if she didn't go to school now she would never know what it was like. Sure she could go to college later but it would never have been school and she basically wanted to make sure she wasn't missing out.

Hth

Roshbegosh · 29/06/2013 00:02

It is good that he has been able to express what he wants even though it is not what you want. This will be great for him and you will find something else to do.

WetGrass · 01/07/2013 10:48

I'll hold your hand.

My HE 6yo is starting at school this week.

His choice - and I support his right to make the choice...

But blimey (for various complicated circumnstances) it's a lot more pressure on me & the family to deliver him to school than to pootle along homeschooling. He's also ahead academically of his year group - and I suspect he'll find the academic pace quite s-l-o-w - he was zooming ahead with Maths and reading in homeschool.

Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 08/07/2013 21:26

Thank you all for your lovely considered responses.

Landofspareoom - love the sticker story, exactly the way ds brain works!
Saracen - totally agree re: the flexibility. My dh is very much of the opinion that he won't last longer than a term - I'm trying to keep an open mind.

HerrenaHarridan - we really feel that it is important for him to have some idea of what school is like in order for him to really understand the different options and make a really informed choice.

Roshbegosh - The one thing I'm not worried about is finding other things to do!!!
WetGrass - Thanks for the handholding - I still vacillate wildly between hating it and loving the idea of a little bit of time for myself!!!

He has decided that he enjoyed his day, but doesn't want to go in September! However, we have agreed that he will try it for a term and then we will have a family meeting and look at it all again.

Again, thanks for your kindness.

OP posts:

Flip