HE and new baby??

[Aspire2Iron]

I love the idea of HE.

DD1 is due to start school, well, next week. I have already told them that we'd like to defer as long as possible. They have agreed to hold her place until the Spring term. So that's done.

But I'm afraid! DD1 (4.5) is bright, sociable, fun. She is not 'not ready'. I just think 4 is young for school. I love the advantages of HE. I loathe the downsides to school. I believe in the principles of HE. If she were my one and only, I would HE in a heartbeat. My doubt is this: DC3 is on the way... due November. Also, DD2 (age 2y3m) is full of energy and mischief and delight. If we HE, am I being idiotic in turning down school (free and interesting child care!) for my eldest while I sort out a newborn and a feisty toddler? If we HE, am I being unfair to her, denying her quality stimulation (the school does seem like a good one, as far as school's go), and giving her instead an exhausted, short-tempered, just-put-the-tv-on day?

Or am I sticking by my principles, saying that yes, this will be hard for me, but I'm not going to push her away, and give her what I (in theory) see as second best (school) just because her new sibling has arrived?

The school has just said that they could potentially offer part-time hours for DD1. While I'm impressed that they offered, I struggle to see how that would work. This has added a new option to the mix. (At this point, options are driving me batty.)

Home-Edders... I would love your thoughts. How on earth do you HE/keep-the-peace/keep-everyone-happy with no break and with your boob out half the time? How do you HE with a newborn??? What has worked for you? I like to think I'm standing by my principles, but my knees are very wobbly.......

Im in process of trying to get dd 1 school to flexi school.

The fact your primary has offered this and defered entry on positive side sounds like a good school.

You still have time you dont need to make decision now.

I have 3kids

6.5-year 2
toddler is 3 next week and shes my hardest she wont start school for 2years and one of reasons im considering flexi school over fulltime home ed.

my yongest 18months-so far hes easy but who knows about future he starst school 3years time year apart from middle dd2.

But thats my personal situation.
hubby works long hours.

Yours could be very different

I have a freind that has 2school age kids, 1 preschooler and newborn and does such fabby job.

Not sure how much help she gets.
her girls do few outside clubs like explore learning and sports,

I have read a few home d blogs where parents home duplicate a a few kids varying ages.

Think can be done with organisation.
im not very organised but trying to get better.

we try hard to make sure all 3 get one to one attention least once a week.

dd2 does 1 full day nursery and has started preschool 3sessions both these im happy with as its music, play and crafts she loves it, gives me a break and one to one with other 2,.

good luck whatever choice you make.

Thanks a bunch mam29. I don't hear too much about flexischooling, so it's good to hear your perspective. Did your eldest start with full-time school or did she start with HE? I'm not so organised myself, but then I think maybe, if I really give myself over to homeschooling, that maybe I could be? Hard to imagine doing it all with 3....

One on one time is important. Glad you're able to manage it, and that you've found something that works.

It's tricky going against convention... feels like I'm reinventing the wheel.

If they are actually bending over backwards to be accommodating I would go for it- to offer flexi school is quite unusual. That way she can see what she thinks herself- she is the important one and maybe that she won't see school as second best. This is a great way to give her the experience to make a choice in the future.

Hi

eldest has been doing full time primary reception and year 1.

shes had bad year in year 1 hence why considering flexi school

we like the school in so many ways.

havent started yet done loads research and extra help with dd over summer as she was struggling, have meeting with head thursday.

its legal but at discretion of head hence why if your schools ofsted it I be impressed.

nothings irreversable.

also sounds odd on home education board but sometimes you dont know what you want until experienced it.

I dident really know what school was like until she started.

lots depending on age get very tired reception year so part time might be good option.

good schools hard to come by so maybe try school part time 1st if not happy fully home ed or defer and make mind later , agree its hard.

Eldest loves the social aspect of school and she could have to be doing badly in year 2 for me to pull her and home ed her full time.

Its not something i had even considered before year 1 but more reseaarch more postive it its. Especially in cities and areas where theres large amount of groups.

eldest does 3out of school activities and week and would do more if she could so socialisation not an issue my poor bank balance maybe.

I think whenever you have more than 1 its a juggling act.

I have no help from grandparents , hubbys hours are long and unsociable.

middle dd is my most demanding. she starts preschool and attends day nursery all day thur-the day i wish to flexi school.
At the moment the younger one 18months will be at home hes quite easy and start 1 day day nursery when hes 2 and then preschool hen hes 3.

I have 3.5years between girls so hen middle dd was born she was at preschool 3morings a week.

But i have 20months between younger 2 and as middle september shes just missed a year so wont start 2years making them school year apart.

I dont know what to do about younger 2 as logistically home edding 2 so close in age might be easier.

Eldests primary not best ofsted /sats but small and freindly in many ways eldests been happy there and its close to home..

Think we going to look at 3other primaries and consider home ed maybe so confused myself.

I want to be able to fully commit hence why picked thursday as middle dd so noisy.

If head says no I would be gutted and unsure what to do as really feel its be best option right now for my dd.

school run with 3 is a challenge.
going swimming with 3 just by myself cant be done.

Im always trying to make sure each child gets one on one time from either me or hubby each week.

sometimes with girls do staggered bedtimes as they like different storys,.

try do something with girls hen babys having a nap.
babys still breastfeeding havent managed to wean him yet.

but i have to fit in housework including 3loads laundry a day, shopping , cooking.

im volunteer at health clinic and also on school pta.
in reception year dd 1 had like 25party invites, then thers playdates and 3clubs she does a week feel like I dont stop.

during summer hols felt so much more chilled out even with 3 at home and hubby living in work we did some good work and some trips so do think can be done.

we did 22museums which is trickier with 2younger ones as they got bored.

cost and space play factor with me.-theres no funding for he so everything comes out of mummys budget crafts, books, trips granted all these can be done quite cheaply and school has associated costs belive me feels like paying out all the time.

I have a vision of kind of education at home they would have I would be very structured with lots of lovley trips.
since having no 2 and 3house has shrunk drives me mad hope to move in few years time but think would be easier if wernt on top of each other all the time.

what about thinking of kind of home ed you want to do.
you have a month maybe 2
defrer school place.
and try and do dry run of how you would be at home with 2 teaching and see how it goes.maybe then start part time and defer education of full time home ed until

year 1-when you be able to judge then if your dd likes school
if you like the school.
how home ed would work out.
how to balance life with 3
plus you have a 1year old then no newborn
possibly toddler then be eligible for some free childcare at a preschool /playgroup which allows you to ahve one to one time with youngets or oldest.

I wouldent worry about being different. one think would say is ensure other half is on boardn with decision.

I think sadly reading things on here its inevitible as its not the norm that strangers will comment and have an opinion and can hear how negative my family would be e even about flexischooling in my head now and havent even told them they think im mad for having 3, people say ohh huge family im noy crazy dugger woman-think she home eds all 19 but home ed more popular in states.

Hi Aspire we are HE-Ing our just- turned 5YO with 2 other DCs who are 3 and 1 and DC4 on the way! We never applied for school as felt quite strongly about HE. We also felt it would be much easier to get kids into school if needed than to take them out. We do little bits with DC1 following her lead - she can read and likes reading to me, some "maths" through everyday living and on the Internet, basic kitchen science "experiments" plus arts and crafts, meeting other HE-ers, and after school classes. DC1 has become quite independent in choosing things to do. I'm also not very organised but am trying to get better in having "busy boxes" ready for the other DCs. DC2 also joins in some activities and is learning lots too. Obviously you should go with your gut feeling with this, but if you can defer till the spring, you could maybe try HE out before DC3 arrives? It's easy to get her into school at any time as the place is there. Also you could see if HE is something you would like to continue, or whether flexi-schooling is the way forward, or whether school is the best option for you all. I don't think you'd be denying your DC anything by trying HE. Mine is loving it so far and is adamant she never wants to go to school! And we also have "bad" days where little is done and the TV goes on (but "bad" days also happen a lot at school). Good luck!

Ah..... thanks ever so much for your replies. It is heartening to hear that no decision is final, that other folks aren't always uber-organised, that other people do make it all work.

My gut tells me that we should give HE a go. The school is technically 'okay with' start-deferral and potential flexi-schooling, but the head mistress has never done it before and stated outright that she would prefer DD to be in full time. That she would even try to dissuade us if we were to have a meeting. I appreciate her candor she believes in the way they do things, of course but while they're willing to give flexischooling a go, I don't get the impression the school would be overly happy about it. My other worry about flexischooling is that the rest of the week would have to bow to what is happening in the few days that DD would be at school (keeping up with their curriculum, say), and that we would loose the 'freedom' advantage of HE-ing? Who knows...

Mam29, thanks for the practical tips and insight. Husband starts a new job tomorrow that will include a few days out of town per week, and like you, we have no family in town. That is a real life consideration for sure. There is a lovely nursery a few blocks away, so that's also an option for DD1 and/or DD2 should the need arise.

Indigo, good luck to you with number 4! I like the rhythm and activities you describe, and that's what I seek to have with my little brood. I think if we really go for it, we'll need to connect with some other HE families pronto... for everyone's sanity! That's a real missing piece right now. We're in London, so hopefully there'll be some good connections to be made. Nice reminder that bad days also happen in school. I'll remember that and try to not blow things out of proportion in my mind! Question: have you explained to DC1 that she is 'home-educated' and that other kids her age go to school? How did that conversation go?

I had a conversation a while back with a family with 3 DC, 5 y.o. 20 m.o. and a 6 wk old. They were very pro-HE but had decided to send their eldest to school for a variety of reasons.

However, the mother said that in terms of academic progress, her daughter learnt more during the holidays (with a 4-6 week old in the house! ) than she did in an average week at school. She described what she did with her DD as just reading a book a day with her - not anything more. FWIW, she was happy with the school her daughter was attending and didn't think it a particularly bad one.

I think it partly depends on what kind of HE you'd see yourself doing. If you're enthusiastic about an informal / unstructured approach, you're likely to have a better experience than if you ideally saw yourself being structured and formal.

Aspire DD1 would have started school last Sept (she has an August birthday). We joined HE groups from time she was 2-ish and by the time "school age" came she kind of just accepted that she would be learning at home like some of her HE friends, whereas some of her other friends would be going to school. We're not really pro-school (I'm an ex-teacher) so maybe this has passed through unconsciously to her even though we don't really talk about school that much, as she says she doesn't want to ever go to school. I don't think she would ever agree to wearing the uniform for starters! But I don't think we ever had a conversation as such. I think you will find your own way as you go along. Try not to think about what they "should" be learning at certain ages, and just go with the flow. Having been a teacher, I know of so many negatives to do with school, and all the stuff which is supposedly taught to kids there has to be done over and over again, and doesn't always stick. I think meeting other HE families locally is a good idea - it helps to also find like-minded people and potential contacts & activities. This may help to make up your mind whether to continue with HE or try school. Sure there will be plenty going on in London. You can find local yahoo HE groups via Education Otherwise or HEAS to name just a couple, or googling your area. My DD has started going to a Forest School for a few hours one day per week, some of the kids there are flexi-schooled, and I know that some of the parents are constantly battling the schools about their one day out per week. I think schools don't generally like flexi-schooling -maybe they're afraid it would catch on and more parents would want to try it?! It's good you have time to try out HE whilst they hold the place for your DD. And yes, it's definitely not cast in stone - you can always send DD to school at any point, try that out to, and just do what fits your family.

Angel I agree with you about being flexible in the approach, especially with young children. And I think we get more done at home than they do at school, most definitely.

I'm enjoying reading the responses. I don't have anything to offer as I'm in the same sort of place.

DC are just under 3yr, 16mo and CD3 is due at Christmas. As far as I can work out, there is no option to flexi-school near me. I'm not surprised really as I can't see what is in it for the school given the pressure they are under at the moment. I'd be so interested if it were possible! As it is, I'm hoping to send ds1 to pre-school/nursery for a few months IF I can find somewhere that will do less than 5 half-days a week. Even that is proving difficult!

I'm finding out about more and more stuff going on for home-edders to do in groups in my area, but I am worried that all of ds1's close friends (many a year + older) will be at school and love it. Difficult to talk about with my friends (their parents) because it sounds like a criticism of their choices, however which way I try to soften that!

I used to be a primary teacher, and my (limited) experience is that flexi-schooling is a real hassle for the school. We had a girl who was off school for months with ME/chronic fatigue, and initially returned on a part-time basis. It was difficult as either the child ends up dipping in and out of activities because you can't always plan to do things when the child is there, or the structure of the class's week has to revolve around fitting that child in. That might be less of a problem in reception though (I was teaching KS2 at the time).

Sometimes there can be issues with the flexi child feeling left out because they've not been involved in activities which have had a big impact on the class's sense of group identity. It's certainly harder to fit in socially, I think, if you're not around as much as the other children are.

I agree that school & home both have bad days. I remember days when I know my class had a miserable time, and one lovely 8 year old said to me once, "You'll be glad to go home today, Mrs AD, won't you? Then you won't have to shout any more and you can have a rest."

Like Indigo, my teaching experience is one of the reasons I'm not very pro-school, though I worked with some great teachers in some schools which did a fantastic job with some difficult children.

I do think you can do loads informally. I'm not really HE'ing as DS is only 2.8 yet, and I struggle to find much time to play or do 'activities' with him as I'm very disorganised & keeping on top of basic household routines takes me ages (and DH is too insanely busy to help with much). But we talk all the time and it's amazing how much we cover.

For example, last Friday the morning was spent shopping; we went swimming in the afternoon, then DS had a nasty allergic reaction and I spent the rest of the day sorting that out and dealing with a miserable toddler. Apart from swimming, I didn't do anything which was deliberately 'educational' or even child-focussed. However, I wrote a list of the things we discussed or which DS did - which was way more than he'd get in an educational setting, I reckon:

• how dry cleaning machines work
• how vibrations travel
• how hot air balloons work
• gravity
• spelling with magnetic letters (DS playing, not me directing)
• reading
• north, south, east & west and which directions we travelled whilst out
• following the course of a railway line on a map
• exploring different water depths on the swimming pool steps
• numbers with decimal points (from depth indicator at swimming pool)
• what is maths? what are calculations?
• how drivers should behave at traffic lights, and what the various lights mean
• why it's important that people who are injured get prompt medical help
• why a car hitting one pedestrian would be unlikely to stop before it hit the other people crossing the road too
• writing/amending my to-do list of household jobs
• where ants live & how they care for their eggs
• how slings for babies work, food/milk for newborns and their sleeping habits
• exploring different methods of playing with Duplo trains.

Incidentally, lots of people recommend a sling for breastfeeding so you can have your hands free / get out and about more easily. I've not tried it yet (DC2 is due in 7 weeks) but it might be worth investigating if you've not already got one.

I've been talking to DS for a while about HE. When we talk about school (friends' older siblings not being around due to term time, or activities like swimming not happening because it's school holidays), I've explained that some children are educated at school & some are educated at home.

We decided to HE when dd1 was about 4 1/2 - also had a nearly 3 year old and a baby. Then had #4 just before dd1 turned 6. HEing with a baby is no different really to just living with one :) I let my kids be pretty much autonomous at that stage, did lots of reading and chatting and going out and just got on with life.

The hardest bit isn't a little baby, it's when they hit about 18 months I reckon - big enough to want to join in with any activity, but too small to do it by themselves! Once they hit 2ish it got easier again, ime.

I'd say the hard bit is when they are 2-3yo & have perfected their sibling annoyance strategies I've done the HE + newborn thing 3 times now and the newborn doesn't make it any more difficult :)