What about doing home-ed from the start with the intention of integrating into school later?

[Gentleness]

I'm very much in the early stages (2 toddlers and baby on the way) and my key motivation in deciding (tentatively) to home-ed is that I think children start formal education way too early in the UK.

I have a theoretical plan I'd like people to critique (as harshly as you like - I'm genuinely looking to challenge and evaluate my ideas). It is to home-ed until 7 definitely. Then start looking for a school place in a school where I like their approach to learning according to the character and readiness of my child. So it may be they start integrating into junior school age 7/8, or it may be 9/10 - whatever suits. Just not being fixed about it.

I taught junior age for 10yrs and I know there are some great advantages to being in school as well as some serious down-sides. I want my kids to experience those advantages without risking having had love of learning, confidence and sense of self die away due to constant assessment, learning environments that just don't suit them etc. But I do want them to have the option of being very academic (dh and I were) in an academic environment at senior school or beyond. Or very sporty (dh & I have no clue!). Or whatever they want, in an environment that suits them. Integrating at senior age seems harsher than at some point during juniors.

My impression is that I'm kind of doing the opposite to most people, so I'm really interested in debating this one out AND hearing of any personal experiences that are relevant.

I'm also very open to the idea of school later on, unless my DDs are really opposed to the idea. We're planning to emigrate and our plan is to HE until we move. I also feel that 4/5 is too early to start school and if we did end up staying in the UK then I don't think I would want them starting school until 7 at least.

My eldest is almost 4 so I'm still in the research stage but my plan is to loosely follow the NC so that they are level-ish with their peer group but I'm not going to feel pressured to box-tick or push them if they're not ready.

It's not uncommon to HE until the start of secondary school. The only problem is that you need a structured approach so that the child's reading, writing and maths level is at a level, or above, which will fit in with her peer group at school and this may rule out the autonomous approach. On the whole, autonomy seems to work over the longterm rather than the short term.

Plenty of people I know have done HE that way round. It isn't unusual. However, many of them do decide that they like HE so much they won't bother with secondary school either.

I don't know, Colleger - the autonomously educated children I know have had no real trouble jumping in at secondary. They get a more thorough education through AE than you would imagine! Kids arrive at secondary school with a range of skills anyway. If one were really concerned then maybe go through some workbooks in the last six months of home ed just to be sure. For most children, once they are mature enough it isn't hard to fill in a few gaps and get used to a structured way of working. It would be overkill to spend years on a formal approach just to prepare them for secondary.

After all, if it is really all that difficult for an individual child to get up to speed in key areas then I expect it will turn out that she isn't well suited to secondary school anyway - in just the same way that it would be a mistake to spend years hothousing a child for entry to a selective school: if she can't pass the entrance tests without a ton of extra tutoring then she'll be out of her depth once she arrives.

Gentleness, I don't think integrating at senior age is particularly difficult for an adaptable, confident child. Home ed tends to give them a good foundation to tackle whatever comes their way. You describe integration to secondary school as "harsh", but it won't feel harsh if it is the right place for the child. If primary is similar to secondary then it doesn't much matter when they start (so why bother with primary), but if primary is very different to secondary then I don't see the point of using a couple of years at primary to prepare a child for secondary! Settling in may be difficult for a child who is going to dislike the secondary school environment full stop. If it turns out that you have such a child, you might not want to send them to secondary at all anyway.

Of course, if you think your child will enjoy and benefit from time at primary school then go for it. I just don't think you need to do it purely to prepare for secondary school. But I'm sure you'll get a feeling for the right way to go as your child gets older.

As you've recognised, you don't have to have it all planned out now!

Thanks all.

I'm glad to know it isn't an unusual approach!

My reasoning for thinking to integrate during primary is partly that practical things ( formal lessons, working in classes, teacher-pupil dynamic, playground, assemblies etc) won't be so big ( harsh) an adjustment then as in a potentially huge secondary.

I have done it this way around. My two are currently 6 and 5, so would be years 1 and 2 this year. I was thinking originally about sending them when they are around 7 or 8. I am being pretty child led & a bit Steinerish. That means they are absolutely where they should be for their own development, but certainly my 5 year old is quite a bit behind where he might be in school. Im not sure how this will pan out. I think it would be kind of cruel to send them to school if they are way behind their peers. The other thing is, my two love being HE! they dont actually want to go to school. Having started this, I will need to see it through now, unless finances dictate otherwise. I have actually sorted some part time work around HE this year, so Im hoping that works well. Im going to be a teeny bit more structured this year for my 6 year old. Its what she wants. She knows school is there if she wants to go. So anyway, think Im saying that once you start it, perhaps you need to be prepared for it to be long term or at least have it in mind that it may work out that way.

I wanted to say pretty much what Saracen said :-) And I speak from experience - we HE'd from the start, and my eldest 3 have just gone into y11 (started grammar school in y7), y10 (started at a comp in y9), and y7 (grammar school).

The eldest did a term in primary school aged ten, out of curiosity, and the other two had not been to school before. Secondary school is so different to junior school that I do not feel that my kids were at any disadvantage by being thrown in at the deep end - indeed, they were/are such strong independent characters, used to thinking and planning for themselves, that they may have had an advantage :-)

Neither were we particularly structured in our approach to HE in the previous years. Some of it might have looked formal from the outside, but nearly all of it was in fact autonomous - my kids like maths and science and history etc etc etc :-) In fact the y10 daughter told me yesterday that she might carry on in her spare time with the Latin she dropped when she started school!

So no, not unusual. Most of my HE friends have done it from the beginning. Some of our kids grow up and go off to school :-)

Sounds great aliportico!

I hadn't really thought through how different secondary is to primary. I suppose being independent at secondary level makes a huge difference (thinking just now of all the Y6 children I've seen move on up and felt anxious for them in the new environment).

I wonder if I'm genuinely convinced about the socialisation aspect as it is that that plays on my mind a lot. Is it normal for this to just be a background worry? What about that side of integrating at secondary?

Well, for us, #1 and #3 are at grammars, so most of the kids there don't know anyone when they arrive - there might be a few pairs who were at the same primary school, but basically they're all in the same boat as regards getting to know people. So that was a plus for them, and it just hasn't been an issue - ds has been at school for the first 4 1/2 days of his life and is already talking about "my friend this" and "my friend that"!

#2, I was worried about her. She can be very shy, and I felt awful about the thought of her facing the huge dining hall and so on on her first day. And people like to tell horror stories about 13 year old girls and their bitchiness ... But actually she has made a really nice group of friends, and did talk to people on her first day! It hasn't all been easy, but I think it was a lot more to do with her than other people, if that makes sense. E.g. she was angry that people still asked her about being HE'd, when she'd been at the school for a month - she felt they should have got over it by then, they were obviously still interested!

So the whole thing really depends on the child, I think, but if my awkward dd2 can manage it at Y9, then I think most people would be okay :) Knowing you don't HAVE to be there goes a long way :)

IME, the "have they got enough friends" question has always been a background worry for me, yes. And sometimes when it's been more of an issue, we have done new things. There's not really anything specific you can do in advance to prepare, I don't think, other than know that you will find groups and so on.

My eldest dc (HE all the way through) has just (last week!) started year 7 at school. I wasn't entirely happy with her starting ... it isn't my ideal school (if such a thing exists!) but she really wanted to go. We had originally agreed that she could start in year 9 but she talked us around to starting earlier. She's pretty very outgoing robust child & is having a ball. On top of starting school & knowing no-one she's also commuting 10 miles each way by train & bus & is utterly unfazed by it. She's not at all bothered about being an odd one out (I think she's revelling in being different tbh)

She's only a week in but has made friends to the extent that she has people who chose to have lunch with her, swap minecraft videos & join clubs together. They are pretty much exclusively boys & older children though ... the year 7 girls are so far a mystery to her & she finds them a bit strange. Is it bad that I didn't worry at all about the social side? I've been far more concerned about her and my ability to deal with the bureaucratic petty side of school life. But even that irritates me far more than her.

But anyway it isn't at all unusual to HE to begin with then use schools :)

(not sure what my other three will do though).