what to expect

[morethanpotatoprints]

Just wondering what sort of response I will get when kids go back to school and my dd is still at home and in the local community.
So far we have only had one really bad reaction and that was fil who has been a horror. He didn't come to see dd in her competition which was awful, and hasn't contacted us since. I'm not bothered though as he never has liked me. Not sure he likes dh either really, so nothing lost there.
Everybody else has been at the worst civil about our decision, with most being supportive and encouraging.
What do people really say to you? I thought it wise to be ready and prepared.
Also are incidents of being stopped by Police/ truant officer common? Or dependant on where you live.

you'll get endless variants on "what, no school today?"

something breezy along the lines of "no, we HE at the moment" is all that's needed in response :)

I regard those encounters as doing my little bit of spreading the word about HE as an option :)

What a good response, I have been surprised at how little people really know about H.ed. I ran into a past colleague (teacher) who knew very little, but was quite supportive and having recently had a dc herself was interested in my philosophy and asked if she could ask me questions in the future. I guess this is a result.

I agree with ommmward.

What often happens after you respond that you home educate is a little silence while people digest the information. I think it is likely that when people ask about school they are just making small talk. Like the weather, it is one of those subjects which can usually be discussed without a great deal of thinking or engagement. The person may have a series of standard follow-on questions or remarks at the ready: "Are you looking forward to going back? What's your favourite subject?" etc etc.

But you've dropped a bombshell by stopping that easy conversation dead in its tracks. They don't know what to say, so they either say nothing or blurt out the first thing that comes to mind: "That must be hard work for you!" "But don't you worry about socialisation?" "Oh, I could never do that." I don't think most people are genuinely being critical when they fall silent or come out with these gems.

If I'm up for a chat, I usually follow "No, they're home educated" with one or two more quick remarks to give people something to get hold of conversationally:

"...so we're going to check out the park and see what the new climbing wall is like. Have you been there since they redeveloped it?"

"...and we're on our way to meet up with another home ed family. Their child didn't get offered a place at any of the local schools. It's a big problem in the city at the moment."

"...so we've come to the supermarket to do maths! We like hands-on learning."

"...which is great on a day like today. Lovely weather, isn't it?"

My usual stance is to be positive and not get into a discussion unless the person seems postive about HE.
If my ds is listening I dont bother much because even three years after leaving he still starts shouting and crying about his school experience :(

I also often say "As a parent it is your duty to educate your child. Most people choose to send their child to school. I am choosing not too for a variety of reasons." - which normally silences people because they assume that school is the only way.

We havent been stopped by anyone official ever and only normally get asked questions by people working on a till in a shop, or whilst waiting at doctors surgery etc. It has never been the 'fuss' I thought it would be. Even our local police ignore us!

I'm ready to be corrected, but as I understand it, they don't have "truancy sweeps" as such any more, where police and welfare officers will all be out on a particular day to try and catch absconders, though some councils do have a surge of enforcement from time to time, usually as a warning to others and tied in with articles in the local press complete with quotes about how disgraceful it is that parents take kids on shopping trips when they should be in school.

You might be stopped at any time by police/attendance people if you are out during school hours. You aren't committing an offence, since your daughter isn't registered at a school. So most people would recommend you simply say "we home educate."

What happens after that depends on the attitude of whoever stopped you and whether they understand what you are saying and whether they want to fill in a form with your name and address on, or to check you against a list.

You don't have to give your name and address to welfare/attendance people and you don't have to give your name to a police officer unless it is made clear to you that you are suspected of committing an offence, which requires you to give your name.

Some people carry little laminated cards or have an information sheet which explains about home education. This is seen as neutral.

Other people have ID type cards with their name on. This is perceived as less neutral because if you AREN'T known to the council and you present this card, it will flag you up and will probably bring attention from the home ed people, and if you ARE known, it will implicitly endorse the message that "real home educators" have an ID card or are on a list or are otherwise able to "prove" what they are saying.

What you hear about are the rare horror stories. People DON'T talk about being out every day and NOT getting stopped by anyone.

I home educated my son throughout the whole of "compulsory school age" and we were in the city centre several times a week, without anyone ever stopping us.

For me, it only really becomes an issue when your children want to go out and about on their own during school hours.

We usually get the "No school today?" question and my reply depends on whether I can be bothered to chat or not. People are so used to random inset days that I think sometimes they just assume that's what's going on! Other times I'll chat about HE and it's surprising how many people are aware of it as an option or know someone who's HE. It did take me a few months to get used to 'the looks' but now I just hold my head up and ignore them, while feeling proud of myself for having the guts to stand up for my children's well being by not sending them to school!

I had about 6 months when DD1 went to school while the younger 2 were HEd and I did often get looks from other parents, but most were friendly, just thought I was a bit wierd! It is easier now we don't go to school at all.

C x