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Original poster

AIBU to be a bit smug?

34 replies

CheerMum · 20/07/2012 20:36

Hi all. I have been mooching on AIBU and various FB threads from my friends and they all seem to be moaning about the topic/amount of holiday work their kids have been given. Am I being a tad smug to be thinking that my daughter has spent today with three of her HE friends celebrating her 11th bday rather than spending half the day sat on the floor in assembly, and that she DOES have some work to do over the next few weeks, but that it is designing Olympics themed dolls for her current topic?

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerMum · 20/07/2012 20:37

And, I will add, that her friends' birthday gift was a huge pile of books which she has already waded into.

Ahhhhhhhh I LOVE Home Ed

OP posts:
catnipkitty · 20/07/2012 21:41

I have been thinking similar things- particularly when I hear parents moaning about having their kids around for 6 weeks and not knowing what to do with them...they'll fight all the time etc etc. Well, we do that every day and we've got it sussed; it's not at all stressful and I have no worries about the holidays, especially that sickening dread feeling as the start of the new school year gets closer and closer and I desperately don't want them to go back (this will be our first year of 'no end' to the summer hols as they left school in the spring).

Oh, and I constantly feel smug that we have no 'set books', no reading levels, no lists of spellings to learn, no tired, grumoy, stressed children...(I could go on!)

Trills · 20/07/2012 21:53

Smug threads always go so well :)

morethanpotatoprints · 20/07/2012 22:46

I haven't experienced anything yet, but had a smug feeling when I heard parents complaining about 6 weeks holiday, what to do with kids and of course the horrible cue and expense of school uniform and hours waiting in Clarks for school shoes. Can't say I'll miss this.

Helenagrace · 21/07/2012 01:26

Oooh can I join the smug thread please?

We haven't even started HE yet but I'm feeling smug that the two hour chat about weather patterns, the jet stream, hurricanes and storm surges we had on our 350 mile drive back from holiday counts as school and I've never heard DD be so interested in asking questions and suggesting things to look up and research.

Saracen · 21/07/2012 07:19

Tongue-biting is a highly-developed skill. Lucky you can come here and let it all out rather than gloating to your friends and offending them!

My most difficult moment is always that awkward moment when, having told me at length what an awful time they are having, my school-parent friends look up at me, remember I am home edding, and say, "I know you don't have these problems, but you must have other problems that come with the territory? Home educating must be really hard in some ways?" Pause.

I know they want to hear that I am having an equally rough time in some other way, so they can console themselves that we are all in the same boat together and they aren't suffering needlessly. It's all I can do not to gush smugly "Oh no, everything is fantastic, and what's more I can't wait until school starts. Once the crowds are gone we are going on a short holiday. We took care to get the shoe shopping done with the schoolchildren still out of the way. And all that useless homework, how can you stand it! My dd used to do well on the spelling tests at school and then the next week she couldn't spell those same words, so there wasn't any point in it for her. Now she just reads whatever she wants and her spelling gets better every year without any special effort on her part. Same story with maths. Are you sure you don't want to leave all this behind and home educate?"

Instead I just smile sympathetically, say vaguely, "Well, we're enjoying it, so it works for us" and quickly change the subject.

Saracen · 21/07/2012 07:41

It's a fine line though, isn't it? I mean. on the one hand it is definitely wrong to gloat at a moment when they are looking for sympathy and not wanting to hear that you don't have these problems.

On the other hand, you may be doing them a disservice if you fail to tell them that home education can be easy and pleasant. What if their child or their friend's child or their sister's child is one day having a truly miserable time at school, and home education isn't seriously considered for that child because everyone thinks it would certainly be too difficult or isolating or hard work?

My friend had a child two years older than my eldest, and I nodded sympathetically to her mum all the way through her Reception year as she described various little annoyances and frustrations about school. Finally one day I mentioned that we'd been to a home ed group and that I was thinking I wouldn't send my dd to school. "What?" she said, "Why didn't you TELL me I didn't have to send my daughter to school? I never would have sent her." I replied that I thought discussing home ed might have seemed like a criticism of her choice because she'd been speaking so enthusiastically about school in the summer before her daughter started. "Well of course I had to make the best of it," she said, "That's what you do, you put a brave face on and make the best of a bad situation. If the child knows you don't want her to go then it makes it even harder for her."

I guess there is a time and a place for it. I try to talk about home ed in some other context and not in direct contrast to school, and definitely not when someone has been complaining about school hassles - unless the parent seems really unhappy about the school situation in which case it's worth asking whether HE might work.

exoticfruits · 21/07/2012 07:56

They may well moan but I doubt they would change.
There are also threads moaning about the long summer holiday and there will be more! Come September there will be threads saying 'thank goodness school is back'!!

jomidmum · 21/07/2012 08:23

I've actually got many more friends (the ones whose children attend school) who are so hugely excited about the school holidays and spending so much more time relaxing together, going out together, etc, than those complaining about it! I'm just thinking "why don't you home ed......it's such a better alternative for so many families"!
We get to do this every day :)

exoticfruits · 21/07/2012 08:47

I loved the school holidays because they were just that.

Saracen · 21/07/2012 09:16

Me too, and boy did I ever need them. Likewise when I've been in jobs which I didn't like, I've looked forward with desperate eagerness to holidays and weekends.

But in the jobs I loved, I found holidays a pleasant change of scene but wasn't too bothered whether I had holidays or not because I was already happy in what I was doing.

manup2012 · 21/07/2012 09:21

YABU. Your Dd will never know what it is like to sit on an assembly floor with 100 other children watching the end of year show, the teachers getting their presents sitting among the artworks that whole classes have worked on together. Why feel smug about making Olympics themed dolls and going to a birthday party?

Saracen · 21/07/2012 10:02

LOL. There are other places than school to do those things, manup. My home educated 12yo probably does assembly-type events about four times a year and gives presents as tokens of appreciation to sports coaches, choir leaders and drama teachers. And she doesn't have to sit through all the less pleasant parts of school in order to do that.

I think one of the reasons some schoolchildren enjoy assemblies etc is because it means they don't have to do their usual lessons. If the alternative were more appealing then the assembly might not seem so enjoyable.

Anyway, not everyone wants to work with dozens of others on an art project or sit through an assembly or join in giving a present to someone they may or may not actually like. Why make everybody do it?

morethanpotatoprints · 21/07/2012 12:22

Manup. My dd will see end of year shows as a H. ed child as she is friends with many dcs from different schools. Its nice to see their friends doing well, and even better to get an invitation, vip ticket and reserved seat, rather than packed like a sardine with 99 other children

civilfawlty · 21/07/2012 12:47

I'm not sure smug is a very pleasant emotion...

Nagoo · 21/07/2012 13:45

Being pleased with your choices is fine, I'll be happy for you.

Being smug implies that you feel you are better than other people.

YABU to be smug.

exoticfruits · 21/07/2012 15:27

I agree with Nagoo. It does imply that there is a 'best' answer that suits every child - one child's best is another's worst.
If your DC is happy then that is good - some would feel they were missing out. One isn't better or worse so I don't think that smug is the right word.

LeBFG · 21/07/2012 15:43

As this has been posted in AIBU OP can duly face some flack...

OP clearly feels the need to boast to the world outside of HEers. Why? Perhaps as a reaction to underlying guilt that her kids are missing out in other ways by being kept out of school?

So, YABU to be smug as plenty of schoolies do productive, engaging, stimulating projects over the summer hols, with their parents, and not just for homework. My two nephews for a start.

YABU to be smug as being smug is a pretty nasty trait in the people I've come across in RL. "Smug" also marks many a HEer I've met in RL too....a pattern emerging?

5madthings · 21/07/2012 15:48

what nagoo and exotic just said.

great you are enjoying home-schooling, its working for you and your child.

it worked brilliantly for my eldest two for a number of years and then i chose to send them to school and that is working brilliantly as well. there are pros and cons to each and each and every child is different (which is why my ds3 and in sept my ds4) started in reception which i never did for the first two, they are different children and school will suit THEIR needs, as a parent my job is to work to ensure my childrens needs are met. for the first two that meant home-schooling until they were 9 and 6yrs old, then no 3 and no 4 have been different. no 5 is only 19mths so i have no idea what we will do with her.

there is no one-size fits all with children and i do what works for each of them individually, whilst balancing the needs of our whole family.

so be happy, but smug isnt something that suits many people :)

morethanpotatoprints · 21/07/2012 16:11

I believe the OP asked if her attitude was smug? Not whether she was right or wrong to be.
I don't think that being happy with your choices is smug, neither is voicing your opinion. Although as others say its a bit unsociable to do this if somebody is clearly very upset.
Friends and parents of my dd are complaining too, although I empathise I will not agree with anyone for the sake of it.

ZZZenAgain · 21/07/2012 16:12

she didn't post in AIBU, she posted in Home Ed

LeBFG · 21/07/2012 16:26

Oh yes ZZZZ - the title tricked me. I'll just let you guys get on being smug in your own little group then.

exoticfruits · 21/07/2012 18:40

I don't look in HE-I looked at last 15 mins and it started AIBU which asked a question. I don't think it matters where you posted it-I would assume that you chose HE because it suited you and your DC so 'smug' seems an odd attitude. My DS has just got an extremely good result and I am thrilled-I can't see why I would be smug.
If it said 'AIBU to be pleased that my DC is happy at home with friends, rather than in a school hall' then YANBU.

Chandon · 21/07/2012 18:47

Dressing Olympic themed dolls?

Great.

I wil suggest it to my children this evening when they come in ....

amillionyears · 21/07/2012 18:54

op,will you be teaching your child to be smug?