Daft question - how do you fit it all in?

[AngelDog]

This is a silly question, so please bear with me. :)

I'm a prospective HE'er - DS is only 2.5 but isn't going to nursery or pre-school and we're planning to HE for as long as we can afford for me to stay at home.

I've read some lovely posts recently on the sort of things people do with their DC. What I want to know is how do you have the time to do it all? I'm a SAHM and I seem to spend all my time struggling to keep on top of household basics (food, laundry) - even though we have low standards and I rarely clean.

I know that compared with school, DS will need a lot less time to achieve the same amount of learning. I'm not worried about him 'academically'. It's just that I would like to do so much more fun stuff with him than I do at the moment. I'm a big fan of slave labour teaching children useful domestic life skills (and I'm training DS accordingly), but it would be nice to do more play-based things rather than him 'helping'-me-while-I-try-to-do-housework-based things.

I know part of the answer is that it gets easier as the children get older and more able to occupy themselves, but DC2 is due to arrive when DS is nearly 3 so we'll be in the baby/toddler phase for a while, especially if we go on to have a DC3. And DS is a delight - he loves tidying and is actually useful at doing jobs like sorting the recycling, loading the washing machine etc. I doubt I'll get such an enthusiastic 'helper' next time.

Can anyone give me some reassurance please? :)

every minute spent at the park is a minute when the house isn't getting messy

having read your post I'd like to send mine back and swap him for an enthusiastic helper

Actually on reflection I wouldn't, because I'm a control freak and the side of my face starts twitching when anyone meddles with the laundry/putting shopping away/cooking because they don't do it right

We did go to the park yesterday. :)

Fiona, I see your point. DS is having a phase where he likes mixing things up deliberately. "Put Mummy's pants in Daddy's sock drawer!" is the kind of thing he's been finding funny lately.

I think some of my problem is that we spend a long time doing the routine stuff of life. That's partly because we're slow, but also because we talk a lot.

Today we didn't manage to do the finger painting I'd planned, but we did have long discussions about trains, pregnancy and how veins & arteries work. I should remember that conversations like that about things DS is interested in are valuable too.

"we spend a long time doing the routine stuff of life. That's partly because we're slow, but also because we talk a lot"

If you asked my son (now 19) what summed up his entire home education, I think that's pretty much what he'd say!

I made a conscious decision to stop struggling with the house and laundry when my ds (now 4) made it clear that he resented it and was no longer a willing helper. Standards dropped radically. Now I spend a lot of time trying to be fully present with him and not think about when I can put the washing on, and I think for us this attitude is going to be crucial as we HE. I rarely clean, only cook the most basic things and I tidy and do laundry on delayed timer at night. If the time you spend doing the house is good time for both of you then there is no problem, if it isn't (and in our house it was a struggle) then I would think about how you could change. I now assume that I will get no housework done when with the children, in the same way as I assume that when I go out to work. Being out of the house makes this much easier and so we do go out a lot.

This book is very validating for parents of young children who feel like they aren't doing enough. The authors compared the discussions which four year olds had at home with their mums to discussions which the same children had at preschool with their teachers. They found that the casual everyday discussions with parents were of tremendous educational value. This was the case even where the mothers were very busy, had a low level of formal educational attainment, and did not place any value on discussions with their children.

I know you are very busy and you probably weren't posting with the idea of being assigned a book to read!! But this is a quick and easy read and I think you'll find it inspiring.

Hi
My girls are a bit older (7 and 8) and do occupy themselves and eachother very well so I can get some household chores done during the day. I do prefer to spend that time with them tho, so inevitably our standards have dropped and the house is messier than when they were at school and the ironing never gets done...or the kitchen floor washed... I do more chores in the evening when they're in bed, which means I am more tired generally, but I mostly just say to myself that in 10 years time they may well have left home and I'll have all the time in the world to tidy and clean...and miss them enormously! I also get them to do some chores as I hate feeling like a servant - they have to tidy their rooms, help with laundry etc.
C x

Thanks.

Fiona

chocolatecrispies, that is a really good point about trying to be present with your child - not something I'm very good at, though I've been working on it lately.

I need to get more organised with food and shopping, but apart from that, there's not that much we can cut out - our standards are pretty lax already.

It's been good that DS is a keen helper as finding time to do things without him is difficult. He sleeps less well & for less time than the average (bedtime is 8.30-9.30pm so my evenings are limited); he has separation anxiety so can't be left with other people and he panics if I'm in a different room from him for more than 2 mins. He's happy to entertain himself once he's absorbed in something but I can never predict when that'll happen, and it'll only last for as long as I can stay in the same room as him.

When he's old enough to cope with it, I'm keen to give him an earlier bedtime and letting him play in the bedroom for a bit before sleep while I have time to get on with things - or doing something similar for half an hour in the day. Could be a long time coming, though!

Saracen, yes, I've read the Tizard & Hughes study - it's one of (several) reasons I feel confident that HE will work for us, even if I can't manage to do it quite the way I'd like to*. I should read it again. :)

I think my problem is that I have a picture in my mind of what I'd like our days to look like, and they currently aren't anything like it! I need to focus on babysteps to get things 'better' rather than beating myself up about what I'm not doing.

• I was reminded earlier today of their conclusion that children at home were good at slotting new information into their existing framework of knowledge. DS and I were in bed, talking about the fact my bump is getting bigger because the baby is getting bigger. He told me that the baby would get so big that he'd reach the ceiling, when he'd come out of my tummy, fall out of the Velux windows above us, slide down the roof and land in the bin outside, be taken away by the bin lorry, get dumped at the tip and then squashed by a compactor. I doubt he'd have that kind of conversation at nursery!

Oh that is hilarious!! I thought I was the only one with a child as weird creative as that. Except that mine would claim that it had actually happened. I am sincerely hoping we never come to the attention of Social Services, because my dd particularly likes to fabricate tales of disaster.

Apparently her (imaginary!) baby brother was once shut up in our loft for several days because I forgot him after I'd been up there having a clear-out. But dd had known he was up there because she later heard the zombies using him as a basketball. She didn't think to tell me, however. She says that I only missed him when a relative enquired after him and I realised I hadn't seen him for days.

Anyway, I hope your baby's actual arrival is not quite so eventful as your son anticipates!

At least he was only an imaginary brother!

I'm waiting for the next story, which will be about how baby gets involvement in some train journey (possibly including a derailment) as that's the other favourite narrative around here. :)

Hi, i'm not HE, just find it interesting.
I do have two pre schoolers at home mostly. I fit it all in by time limiting the chores. Have a productive hour at the start and end of each day and thirty mins mid day for chores.
Its good for them to free play and gives you masses of hours left.

Systems, systems...fly lady!

I have tried time-limiting, but I just don't manage to do much in the time - I am very slow. Nothing ever gets done in the mornings. We get up at 7am and on a good day manage to leave the house by 10 (we go out every morning). We have to be back just after 12.15 for naptime, and all the places we go to are a 45-min round trip.

After our nap (I sleep too, so I don't get anything done then) we get up slowly, clear up after breakfast, have lunch and before I know it, it's often 4pm. I try to start thinking about dinner at 5ish.

After DS eventually goes to bed I just want to sit at the computer and find it hard to summon up the adrenaline I need to do housework.

We'll have loads more time when DS stops napping, but then I'll be completely shattered from not sleeping myself - I needed that nap even before I got pg.

Flylady has been the main reason we have survived at all! :) I used to spend almost as long doing stuff around the house, but we were in a much worse state than we are now.

'Housekeeper' is the first item on my birthday list, but I'm not sure that DH can be persuaded.