Well we're going to try school .... :(

[bumbleymummy]

Have been HE DS1 (6) but we've decided to give school a try from sept. I don't think I actually want to send him but I am struggling a bit with HE. I just feel a bit sad and defeated and like sending him for all the wrong (selfish) reasons. Not really sure what I want anyone to say really - just feeling a bit :(

I don't think I've read your posts before. In what ways are you struggling?

In what way are you struggling?

Time mainly and stress levels! DS2 is about of a handful and every time I
Start trying to do anything with DS1 he starts trashing the house looking for attention :( DS1 is doing brilliant and is quite far ahead of his peers (one of the reasons I don't want to send him - I like him working at his own pace on his own things). It's just me (and ds2) who are struggling with the arrangement. I just seem to spend all day breaking up fights and Ds1 is constantly trying to defend his things.

The only thing I can think of as an advantage is more friends. He goes to lots of classes but he hadn't really spent enough time with them to form any lasting friendships yet. Maybe that's not a problem at this age. Oh I don't know. I just feel all over the place. I know I want to HE and I know why but I just can't seem to do it without being a stressy mess!

How old is DS2?

I'm wondering whether you're tackling this the wrong way round - if DS1 is thriving in HE, then maybe you could find ways to get more one-on-one with DS1 (use a childminder or nursery or school for DS2?)

and maybe you could find ways of providing really fun opportunities for DS1 (cubs, HE groups, classes) during which you and DS2 do some serious bonding.

and maybe you could read something like Siblings without rivalry to help you work out how to juggle the two of them. My children do more roughhousing than I am really comfortable with, and I am learning that the best way to defuse it is to join in with real bear garden games around the house, where they are so busy running away from me (threatening to eat them or whatever) and screaming with laughter that they stop beating each other up. And then after half an hour or so, no-one has got ants in their pants any more and we can all be a bit more cool, calm and collected (well, I'm off in a corner having a coronary, but apart from that everything's cool).

This week's post is brought to you by the letter C. (just look at that last sentence. Heh.)

From the information int he OP, I would also say look at something (childminder/preschool?) for DS2.

For the very short time I had DS1 at home, when he was 8, I found it very difficult being educational with DS and trying to entertain 1yo DD, but would have been at the thought of anyone suggesting she go to a CM/nursery, so do forgive me if it's not an option.

:) that made me smile ommm! Thanks!

He's 3 and we were considering starting him in reception (3 hours 3 days a week) which I suppose would give me more quiet time with ds1 but it just feels like I'm shipping him out or something!

I'm sure there are some great mums out there who could juggle the two of them just fine but I'm just not sure I can. That sounds so pathetic but I'm just a big stress ball when they start shrieking at each other.

Other solutions I have thought of are:

Get a nanny in a few hours a week for ds2 and then maybe a tutor in a few hours a week for ds1 so I have time with both of them 1 to 1. But this is obviously ££££

Get a cleaner so I'm not trying to do so much during the day. (housework adds considerably to my stress because I absolutely hate it but I hate mess too!)but this doesnt give me the 1 to 1 time and won't help with the chaos!

If I won the lottery this could all be solved quite easily!

Hi I have two Dss too - age 6 and nearly 3. The 3 yr old is obsessed with getting me away from DS1 at all costs. Thus I teach DS1 with DS2 'riding' my head or jumping on me etc I can't say I enjoy it. I am prepared to ride it out though. DS1 has been to school and hated it so that is not an option and we are quite anti-childminder/nursery so DS2 ain't going anywhere . I am assuming it will alll be a lot easier in about 2 years time and as DS1 is about 2years ahead in work terms I feel like it's not that big a deal. One option I am considering is to get a tutor on the cheap by putting an advert up for a student teacher to do some work with DS1 (there is a teacher training college near us). It is really hard and you have my sympathy. Sometimes my blood pressure feels really high just from trying to deal with both of them at the same time. Could you sit between them at the table and have DS1 doing his work whilst DS2 does playdoh/scissoring etc?

My youngest was so difficult that i put him in nursery for my own sanity from 9-5 during the week eventhough I didn't work. For my sanity I needed some time away from him. I think it's worth considering what others have suggested and give yourself a break. My youngest loved the nursery and wasn't so frustrated so it could be the best thing for him.

I read this and it rang a bell. I'm thinking about HE the middle child on the basis that his two siblings are at school and I will have more time to concentrate on his academic progress because I'm not trying to deal with them in the day. If someone said to me I should HE all three I suppose I would think that defeated the point of giving him that extra attention...

But perhaps we are both looking at it from wrong end of telescope.
Maybe the sort of HE ng you are doing need to change to accommodate both your children and they will benefit from that. Maybe more outdoor stuff, less formal work. Learning through going to park, museums, shopping rather than writing stuff. More messy play.

In a way what you are describing is a set up where ds1 IS getting all your attention and it is not suprising that ds2 is probably playing up. But you could turn the freedom to get out and about to your advantage.

I have a friend who is a seasoned home edder and she found adding toddlers into mix an unexpectedly difficult because I suppose she was by that time used to dealing with a 8 year old who was happy to do more formal work, and she expected that of herself to be able to "teach" him, and deal with toddler stuff. But maybe there is a different way of looking at it.

I am re-appraising my own ideas about what Home Ed is (a sort of mini-school system I suppose I was imagining it to be) from your post. I bet you are doing a wonderful job with ds1 and some minor shifts could make the difference to ds2 getting a lot out of his brother being at home too. I think it will be fantastic for him to have his brother there, and they will learn more from each other too.

The other thing I think you should consider is that when ds1 is at school he is competing with 29 other children for attention, not just one little brother, if that makes you feel any better. The time you spend doing formal stuff doesn't need to be as much as if he were in school. I think Julien has written a lot about this hasn't she?

I had this issue when I started full-time HEing the boys. DD was just coming up 3, so I put her in nursery (didn't have a problem with nursery stage anyway and the DSs had both been). It meant I had 1 term of having her at home but then she went to nursery for 2 1/2 hours every morning and a nap every afternoon, so I had plenty of time with DSs and spent time with her when she woke up from her nap.

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the responses.

DH thinks DS2 would love reception and we picked the school because it has very small classes. (reception and p1 are together and there are 12 children with a teacher and a ta) Classes are small the whole way up the school. He said he would be happy for me to keep HEing DS1 if DS2 was going somewhere because he thinks he's just missing out on attention when I'm ding things with DS1.

We actually don't spend too much time on formal learning - probably an hour max. The rest of the time he reads/writes his own stories/draws/plays with Lego/knex/science kits whatever and then we go to extra curricular activities every afternoon. I actually think it's just me getting distracted by other things such as housework/general organising/phonecalls etc that is having more of an impact on DS2. If I'm honest I think I've found it a bit harder to connect with him because he is more demanding all the time and loses interest in things very quickly and just NEVER plays by himself so it's hard to get a minute to myself all day.

I think DH reckons that me having time to myself everyday while they're out will 'fix' everything but I don't think it will and at what cost? Bleurgh - this is so garbled! I hope someone is making some sense of it!