Am I doing the right thing?

[morethanpotatoprints]

I know nobody can answer this, but I needed a title and to get this off my chest. I thought I had come to terms with HE being the best option for dd. I am now beginning to wonder as a few things have happened to make me doubt.
One of our main reasons was the testing SATS, lack of language being taught early and standard of English, not taught spelling. Now government have announced these are going to be improved and SATS stopped.
I have also met my first person who had experienced HE. It didn't work for them very well and she lost the previously good relationship with her daughter. Her circumstances were completely different to ours and whilst I know it doesn't mean it wouldn't work for us it has unnerved me a bit.
Also, I saw my elderly neighbour today who gave me a lift to school. He sees us every morning on our way and said today how happy dd looks and how she is so contented at school. They are always chatting, lol. One of my other reasons is she does so many activities that she loves, that she is always knackered and if school was less she wouldn't be so tired. She gets upset if I say she's doing too much and doesn't want to give any up. There are no problems at school and her friends and teachers in the whole are supportive. Its a lovely school and parents are fighting to get their dcs in. I can remember thinking I'd won the lottery when she got in as it is a faith school and we hadn't attended church. There is no better school in the area. Is it natural to come so far and have doubts. I'm not sure how I will know if its right or not. I know many of you who have had little or no choice in your decision for really outragious behaviour from others. But as we have no problems the decision is so hard. Please help.

Hi morethan,

I think it's important to be sure of your reasons and goals for HE, as (apparently) that makes it easier to get through the tougher days. And if those reasons change, or aren't valid any more, then it's good to reassess.

But I think if I was you, I wouldn't place a huge amount of trust in things the Government are saying they're going to do - you'd be changing your plans based on a complete unknown. IMHO.

I can imagine that meeting someone in RL who had a bad experience would have had a strong effect on you (it was the reverse for me - everyone's brilliant experiences convinced me to do it!). What did they say about it? Could you use it as a what-not-to-do?

I'm sorry you're having these wobbles, hope you find some peace about it soon!

Hi - I've sent you a private message- don't know if you've found it. (I'm not sure I'd think to check my inbox personally!)

Don't put any faith in the government or your state school changing.

When we think we've made a firm decision, some cat always comes amongst the pigeons. This has happened in a number of areas this week for me including HE, schools and music related decisions. I was thinking about changing my son's choir but an opportunity has arisen. DS has been offered a place at a great school which affects the way we may HE over the next two years and other things have happened. I've even started to worry about taking my son out of his current school because I can now see some benefits. But I'm putting too much weight on these benefits and forgetting the reasons I was looking for alternatives. Imagine you didn't have a choice but only had school. You'd start to see these benefits as millstones around your neck - I can guarantee it!

I certainly wouldn't put any faith in language learning improving. The government are moving very strongly into synthetic phonics, which though it works for many, is pushing all children through a one-size-fits-all approach. The new tests for 7 year olds require them to read complete nonsense words as part of their phonics test. The tests are utterly ridiculous, making children and teachers jump through artificial hoops, and will make failures in reading of many good readers who naturally learn by sight/ whole word recognition. I have friends in the SEN infant teaching sector and they are dismayed about the way it is going. We will look back in ten years and it will be another silly fashion we laugh at.

I would not put a child in the primary system the way it is at the moment. With home education, you can teach in the way the child learns best.

You are always going to find people for whom HE has worked, and some for whom it hasn't, just as in school. But the majority of people I know in home ed have found it great. It may be that the people no longer in home ed are more vocal and that these stories of non-working get passed on more readily, like urban myths. I can tell you that all our family relationships, those with my daughters and theirs with each other, have been improved immeasurably by home ed. I am way closer to my girls than any of my contemporaries with schooled teens.

I will tell you home ed has been the biggest success story of my parenting, by far, the best thing I ever did for them. Maybe you can meet a broader range of people who are in home ed and that will help. But the decision is always going to be a scary one - and one you will only be sure of once you've done it, most probably!

Thank you musicposy and others. I tried to post a reply before but have a dodgy flippin cursor on this machine, lol.
I'm feeling a lot better now and far less wobbly and know I am on the right track now. I just wish dh would catch up with me then we could make a decision. We have included dd but she is just like any other 8 year old and her decision is limited by her age, but she is all for it.
I have also revisited our reasons and they are as strong as ever so this has helped a lot.