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should I wait?

13 replies

maggi · 06/06/2012 12:07

I need advice on whether to make ds stick out this term at school before we HE or go for it now. We had told him we would trial it alongside school this term as we were only just coming round to the idea. We wanted to make sure that HE was better than school not the same or worse. By 'the same or worse' I mean ds behaviour which had become abysmal during 1st year at secondary with inclusions and exclusions and stealing and bullying and so much lying!

Since we began the trial he has cheered up, he talks, he is calmer. He is starting to be willing to do written work without 2 hours of persuasion before hand. We would like to aim toward exams so want to keep up with some written work production. But he is dyslexic in our opinion. Both schools have said he isn't, when they have done the screenings (which they have been worried enough to try every year!). Then try to console us with "there are far worse children here who need help". Fair enough that they need help, but he does too. When ever I find articles on dyslexia which list signs and symptoms of dyslexia, I can tick off every one for him except low reading age. He even has a dodgey eye which is associated with dyslexia.

Oh I've gone off track. How long would you give such a trial considering it was having positive results so early? It is particularly difficult to decide since his school report just arrived and despite all the problems with behaviour and attitude and us only ever hearing all the negative stuff from school, he has come out pretty well. He is in the second highest stream (top in French = litttle writing), and subject teachers judge his attitude B or C (the system goes A to E). This good report took us completely off guard and I think just shows actually how intelligent he is despite not being able to write more than 2 sentances without having a meltdown.

So do we contiue trialling or just go for it?

OP posts:
MoreCatsThanKids · 06/06/2012 12:32

What does your DS want to do?

You say his behaviour has deteriorated? What reason does he give for this? Have you looked at any other schools locally to see if they are more suitable for him? Can you get an independent check for dyslexia?

My DD had a good report for several subjects, a very good one for ICT (the only subject she actually reveivwd the help she was assessed as needing) and no report at all for Technology and PE as she wasnt doing themSad. She was so so unhappy at her (high acheiving) school because they were not meeting her emotional and educational needs. I was told by various people that no other school locally would do as much as they were. So she is home schooled - we may continue til she has done her GCSEs or we may seek another school once we have been able to establish what her long term physical needs will be.
Im not sure what you mean about home schooling alongside actual school - is your DS attending part time? If he is at school at all you are not really getting an idea of what HEd is like.
Sorry for questions and not being much help. Bottom line is - if it feels right go for it!

MoreCatsThanKids · 06/06/2012 12:35

Sorry - what do you mean by 'dodgy eye'?

musicposy · 06/06/2012 14:36

How can you trial it alongside school? Do you mean that your son is doing school work and work for you at home?

If so, that strikes me as pretty motivated to want to be HE (and I feel a little sorry for him)! There is no way my two home ed girls would agree to that!

It sounds as though HE might suit your son - you say he is calmer and happier. But I think you need to be totally clear that you are on board with it too - this sounds to me more the missing part of the equation. If you are totally on board and your son wants to do it, what's stopping you?

maggi · 06/06/2012 15:11

morecatsthankids - one eye gives up and decides to focus on something else as the muscle is weak. Consequently, the text dances around the page.

musicposy - have trialled homeschool days on days that he has been excluded last term. Have done some at weekends and through this half term, but just taster sessions. Have been careful to include some written work when he's in the mood but mostly its part of our daily life stuff.

OP posts:
maggi · 06/06/2012 15:14

morecatsthankids - dyslexia testing is 450pounds around here. Which we are saving for.

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maggi · 06/06/2012 15:32

Perhaps it may help to add I'm a committed childminder and am very used to home educating little ones all day long so am used to turning events into an educating experience. Thus adding a big ds to the mix was easy and he did not realize he was getting educated (mostly, until I mentioned writing something down). We all home educate anyway for example my boys have feed yourself weeks in which they plan a menu, shop and cook thier own food for the week. This half term they had to include a family meal for everyone and learn a new technique, how to cassarole. They are 9 and 12. So ds does not feel hard done by.

I can see a battle brewing for going back to school Monday. But dh still needs convincing that HE is a viable option. So far dh assumes I will do all the HE ...... Thus I need a little time to educate dh on what HE actually can mean. Managed to turn around my Mum-in-law who was very anti, but dh is a different kettle of fish. He is dyslexic himself so there could be a bit of jealously that ds would be getting off lightly from school? But he is talking more positively about it, the more he sees that ds is engaging with the 'work' part of HE.

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MoreCatsThanKids · 06/06/2012 16:01

I understand more now -sorry Blush

If DS eyes get tired you may have hit on a reason he struggles with written work. DD is same (but different cause of eye problems) it sounds to me like HEd would be ideal for you all and I see what you mean about 'taster' sessions etc. You still havent really said what your DS feels about HEd - we were going to HEd DD (for different reasons) in Yr 4 and assumed she would want to - she didnt but It helped her to know it was sn option and she was OK for rest of primary. It is only health problems at high school that have changed her mind - and her outlook on life.

If DH is really against it, (and DS wants to) how about saying you will try it for a term or too - you dont have to do HEd for ever and many only do it temporarily. This is how i 'sold' it to DH (but we all know it is more likely to be at least till Six form/college now in our DDs case)

Give it a go - what is there to loose?

maggi · 06/06/2012 21:53

thank you
DS is very eager and I believe it will be a battle to get him back to school on Monday. But I dont want to rush in and dh had agreed to 'allow' it after summer.

OP posts:
ommmward · 06/06/2012 22:21

can you think of any positive things - which he also will view as positive - that he will gain by "sticking it out" until the end of term?

Are they positive enough to outweigh the disadvantages of school?

The kind of behaviour you describe sounds like a child who is absolutely desperate to be rescued from a sub-standard situation, to be honest. Me, I'd send the dereg letter in on Monday and never look back.

musicposy · 06/06/2012 23:00

I understand more now too :)
Personally, if you can in any way persuade your DP, I'd start now. What does your DP hope to gain by forcing him in for this last half term? Will he miss anything? Lots of schools seriously wind down and privates break up in only 3 or 4 weeks.
He sounds so desperate, poor lad.

There's no reason why it shouldn't be a viable option. I took my 12 year old out of secondary where she was miserable. She's now 16, will have 10 GCSEs behind her and starts college in September on an unconditional place to do A levels. She's had a whale of a time the last 4 years, mostly having fun whilst her schooled friends have slaved away under mountains of homework. She was reluctant to do much when she came out, too, turned off learning by years of school. So there's no reason why it shouldn't be a huge success.

It sounds as though you are halfway there with what you do already! I'd go for it, honestly. Every single person who I know who has deliberated like this - myself included- always wishes they'd done it sooner. Keep us posted and good luck with DH.

maggi · 16/06/2012 11:07

Just to update .......... DS is now HE as of Monday .......

OP posts:
Saracen · 16/06/2012 11:31

Congratulations!! I hope the positive effects you have already seen will become a permanent feature of your lives now.

Welcome to home education.

ommmward · 16/06/2012 13:09

Hurray!!!!!

I hope he begins to blossom and flourish now he's out of there :)

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