What h.ed has given us

[morethanpotatoprints]

Anybody who has seen my posts over the past few weeks will see how long and hard we are considering H.ed. I have joined local groups, had great info and advice from people on here. Thank you very much. My dh has not been as active in research as I have, as its not his way. He takes info and goes by gut feeling, each to their own. We are going to include dd in the process soon and if she is content to choose HE we will probably go ahead. De-schooling during or after the summer holidays.
I would like to know, especially after a recent negative thread.

What has H.ed given you or your family, dcs, in terms of benefits, bonus, stability, opportunities etc. What has been your biggest gain?

My son's self-esteem has grown immensely. He is dyspraxic (not noticed by school) and they were being 'very angry' (teachers' words) with him in order to get him to write. They were also keeping him in at lunch time. He was 5. He is very bright and they decided that if he was so bright then his inability to write was due to naughtiness. He said sadly yo me 'Mummy I'm a naughty boy.' He chose to be home educated when we presented him with the option and we tried to present it fairly with both the pros and cons.

My son now gets the 1-1 he needs with his writing, and he gets to work at maths/science/ reading at his own level and to pursue his own interests. He is happy. I asked him why he loves being home educated so much and he says 'I get to be free'.

I am now such a convert to home ed (I am a teacher who works p/t as a tutor) that there is no way I'll be sending DS2 to school. No flipping way!

In short, my son is happy and free to be the person he is, not forced to be someone he is not because it suits a teacher. Also we are starting to make nice friends on the HE scene (which has taken time) and that is nice too.

Wolves, I am so happy for your ds it must have been awful for him. My ds2 now 17 has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. I told all his teachers/ schools there was something wrong and in the end got gp to refer him. Not before he nearly burned our house down. (No malicious intent there)
I wish I had looked at this earlier as you have and not listened to them saying he was naughty. Ds1 was ok at school but never reached his full potential. I am coming to the conclusion that dd should be h.e for so many reasons.
So glad it has improved for your ds and if you don't mind me saying you are a great role model for him. In that you didn't just drift with something that didn't work, you voted with your feet.

Thanks. HE will work brilliantly for your son. I think if you look up old posts on this forum you will find lots of threads about HE and autism. Good luck. Your son's life is about to get significantly better!

Wolves, it is our dd aged 8 who we were thinking of home ed. Unfortunately ds2 is in 6th form doing A levels and we were daft not to take him out of school like you did. I could cry at the suffering he went through as I myself did many years ago. It's just that I had no idea H.e was legal nor that you didn't have to follow a stupid curriculum.
I know now though.

"What has been your biggest gain?"

My children's lives back.

The three youngest were desperately unhappy, achieving little in schools-even after we had paid for their diagnosis of SEN -which literally gobsmacked each of the schools, up till then it had been a case of "No Julie/Mrs Noshoes, it's simply that he/she isn't as bright as you think they are"
I really thought that showing them the diagnosis (since confirmed at FE colleges and Universities) and the suggestions about how to help, would go some way to getting my children up on to a level playing field with the other children. But no. "You have to see we have children who are worse of than your DS/DD1/DD2< with parents who are not as engaged as you are....."

Two of my children didn't want to live any more, and one heading for trouble with the wrong crowd ("well if I've been shoved in the bottom sets with kids running wild, I may as well do it too")

HE gave me happy children again, children who engaged with their education and now see learning as life long. Children who had a fantastic social life and whose love of learning was infectious.

They are confident self reliant young adults now, all in Higher Education. We had a fabulous life together, I have not got a single regret-except I didn't know about it before and my stepson had to struggle all the way through school.

All three of them fully intend to autonomously home educate their future children....as does my stepson.

My DD is a happier child now than when she was schooled. We're still finding our feet (six months since we started HE) but she is happier and healthier - she hasn't been ill once since we've HE, whereas she had a poor attendance record at school because she was off colour/ill so often, I think because she was not very happy there.

Well we are still in the early stages really, but our biggest gain has been seeing our dd happy.
The bed wetting, tears before school and general withdrawal was, quite frankly heartbreaking.
I think we have quite a bit of work to do regarding social contact and self confidence, as she is still more inclined to seek the comfort of the four walls of home rather than venture out though.
I do love the freedom of being able to what we want, when we want also.

Academic achievement.
Freedom of expression.
More exercise.
Better diet.
Huge rise in self-esteem.
More independent.

I've name changed to post as it is quite personal and I don't want it connected to anything else.

From a different angle, I loved school as a child, and my children's experience of private pre school has been postive only. We chose HE for practical reasons, but it worked so well for us that we decided not to use a school at all. I have definitely been converted, though found it was I who needed unschooling. I was very structured at the start and even did reading tests and sats work.

Freedom and flexibility - We have flexibility over the curriculum, exams we choose to take, ability to travel (one of the main draws for us when considering HE). We can do our lessons wherever we choose; in a field, in the garden or on a beach.

The children are confident, with little peer pressure, and are used to socialising with children of all ages, not just the same age, which helps them very well with their 'extra-curricular' classes , auditions etc

Thank you all so much and especially Kittyflora for your honesty.
I think there is going to be an increase in people looking for alternative education and think the support offered on here is second to none on MNet. I know you have been honest and candid with me and helped me through the mine field of understanding and that is so valuable.
Hopefully your kind support will continue to help others looking for answers.

One thing you should consider is if you can afford to home ed. Based on your posts I get the feeling (may be totally wrong of course) that you may employ music teachers, tutors in some areas etc? It can add up. Of course many home eders manage on benefits but it can be expensive. We drive miles for the best music teachers and now we're home eding we are free to travel even further and it all costs money. So be disciplined with yourself! Oh and if DD ever fancies going to see Mahler at the Barbican, you'll have a home ed family happy to join you! ;)

Freedom!

Freedom from the National Curriculum
Freedom to learn whatever takes our fancy for as long as it interests us.
Freedom to travel whenever we like.
Freedom to stay up late for a special occasion and not have to worry about school in the morning.
Freedom to lie in late whenever we need to.
Freedom to play outdoors for as long as we like whenever the sun shines or the snow falls.
Freedom from exams and tests and sats.
Freedom to grow and learn at our own pace.

Our biggest gain as a family was the opportunity to pick apart ds's complex but atypical AS/ADHD symptoms in a stress free environment, to work out exactly what caused him problems and why, and find ways to support him. It knocks the education system's 'denial and punishment' system into a cocked hat.

We fought for years to get recognition in two schools, though like Julie even after dx were still fobbed off that support wasn't available or even necessary . His second school flatly denied his ADHD yet when we later pursued a private dx the consultant saw it in seconds. He's now treated for that and medication works well, though if we'd stuck with the NHS and CAMHS's insistence on 'the school is always right' he'd never have got the dx or meds he needed as the school was lying through its teeth to cover themselves.

HE has given him the chance to get to know himself and his difficulties and work on finding a place in the world. He's making academic strides that I never dreamed possible, despite him being very clever. He's no longer forced to handwrite despite the pain he suffered before his hypermobility was diagnosed (more punishment there). He is thriving and that could never have happened where he was, and even less so in the secondary school where he'd have ended up. I shudder to think, actually .

I was talking to DH about this just now and he concluded that the biggest difference we have noticed in our HE DD (compared to our older 3 schooled DCs) is that she is simply "happier". Our biggest regret is that we didn't know HE was an option sooner!