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Would you consider HE in this instance?

43 replies

WantAnOrange · 02/06/2012 18:52

DS will be 6 at the end of this month, and is coming the end of Year 1. Acedamically he has struggled massively. He is still on 'red books' which is about the expected level of a child a few months into reception. He can barely write. He understands maths and can do maths in his head but he cannot read the questions or write the answers, and the result is that he has been labelled as behind in the subject to. He loves art and design, science and recently become interested in history. He has asked to learn french, but the french club at school is full up so he can't go. He struggles with both his fine and gross motor skills. He goes to gymnastics once a week which has helped his confidence massively and has imporved his gross motor skills. He has a very poor attention span and no memory. He is inquisitive and loves to ask why!

The school focus entirely on litracy and over look the things he is better at. They have given him additional support in lessons, with he SENCO, for his litracy which has been great. However, they have only just completed an IEP for him, at my request. I have also requested a referal the Ed Psyhc but that is looking pretty hopeless. The school's attitude is that we should know how lucky we are that they help as much as they do and be grateful.

We have had several problems with the Head, who is an aggressive bully. I won't go into detail because it's a long story, but the upshot is, I do not agree with his approach to either teaching or health and safety. I have made a formal written complaint to the Board of Governers and waiting for a reply.

Overall, we are very unhappy with the school and he most probably will be moving.

However, DS is not unhappy at school. He has a few good friends, has not experienced any bullying and seems to enjoy everyday life. He rarely complains about school.

There is another local school we have looked at, which appears to be lovely and has a much better reputation for dealing with additional needs. The Head is also friendly and a nice person! We visited on Friday and the Head warned me that 4 other children had applied to move to the school in DS's year group this week and that getting a place would not be easy.

I have always liked the idea and principles of HE and wish I had done it from the start. I work as a child minder and therefore am availble, at home to do this and still provide financially. I feel that HE is really an extension of what I already do with my child minded children. I am confident that I could meet DS's academic needs for at least the next few years. I am doing a degree in Early Years Education (that's 0-8yo).

My question is, would it be the right thing for DS? Would it be cruel to remove him from his friends (although this is probably happening anyway if he has to move schools). Would I be choosing HE for the 'right' reasons, as DS is not unhappy.

I think we are probably better off trying to get him a place at the other school but I am very wary of trusting anyone else with DS. What if we are moving from the frying pan into the fire?!

I am terrified that moving him at all is going to emotionally hurt him. I do not know what is best but we can't carry on as it is. Sad

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WantAnOrange · 07/06/2012 10:26

I didn't know it was possible to get an independent report. I would happily pay for the report.

We have taken steps to find out for ourselves though. DS had an eye test on monday and it came back that he is long sighted (like me) and his left eye is weaker. He gets his glasses on saturday, so hopefully this will help. We have also found an opitician that does a test for visual tracking, to see if coloured overlays will help but I don't think they do this test on children under 7. We are going back to the GP and asking for a referal to a Paedicatrian to look into the Dyspraxia. He is doing a phonics catch up programme which is going well but has made his specific problems a lot clearer to me.

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seeker · 07/06/2012 10:31

Absolutely it is! They are expensive- anything between about 200-400 quid, but in your situation I would do it like a shot if I could afford it. It's important to find the right person, though. Do you know anyone who might be able to recommend someone?

WantAnOrange · 07/06/2012 11:31

Not a first clue! Would the asseeement need to take place at school?

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seeker · 07/06/2012 12:34

No- the school doesn't even have to know if you don't want them to.

If you think your GP is OK, he might be able to recommend someone. Otherwise, when I needed an assessment for ds, I whet to the BPS site here, used their "find a psychologist" thingy, then rang the ones nearest to me and choose based on the chat on the phone. Don't go to anyone not on the BPS register- there are a lot of dubiously qualified people working out there, and that way you can be sure they've at least had propr training.

seeker · 08/06/2012 11:34

Just bumping to be sure wantanorange sees.

WantAnOrange · 08/06/2012 14:59

I'm here! Thankyou Seeker, it's definately something I will look into.

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lisbethsopposite · 08/06/2012 16:07

orange . Lots of good sense on here. I really understand that dilemma, to act objectively and not emotionally with such an emotive topic. You have weeks to decide and the emotions will have calmed.

WantAnOrange · 11/06/2012 07:51

I'm having a little wobble. It's just been half term and DS came to me yesturday and told me that he was missing school, missing PE and Letters and Sounds, and missing is friends.

I feel so guilty Sad.

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BertieBotts · 11/06/2012 08:01

Aww, don't feel bad :( Is there anything you could do to help recreate the things he misses? Invite the friends over for a playdate or a mass park/soft play visit, like a party?

What does he miss particularly in PE? Is there any local group you could sign him up to, football, gymnastics, dance?

For "letters and sounds" you can buy some phonics workbooks from WHSmith or perhaps find some phonics games online (check they're not American pronunciation, though!) for him to do? The CBeebies website has some good educational games, although he might be nearing the upper age limit.

WantAnOrange · 11/06/2012 08:15

He does gymnastics and swimming lessons already. For Phonics we do a workbook called Dancing Bears at home which he loves. I think he maybe was getting bored because it was the end of the half term week and he is used to being in a school routine.

We need to tell him that he is leaving his school and I am dreading it!

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seeker · 11/06/2012 08:40

Do you need to tell him yet? Could you let him have the last 6 weeks of school, and try to arrange an Ed psych assessment in the meantime? Then you will know exactly what you're dealing with in terms of possible AEN. And you will possibly have been able to get oth things in place, like groups, Beavers, the local HE scene, and so on so you can tell him exactly how things will work once he's not going to school any more.

LittleFrieda · 11/06/2012 10:01

Children learn very unevenly. DD (6) struggled massively (understatement) throughout reception and for the first term of Yr1. I was very worried about her. She is doing brilliantly now. Writing far more interesting stories, with better spelling and structure than some of those who could read and write on joining school. I actually think it's beneficial for children to linger longer on the basics and not be rushed trough a reading scheme or be rushed to master writing skills beyond the correct outline of all the letters.

Being happy at school is far more important for your son than being a fast learner.

WantAnOrange · 11/06/2012 16:32

LittleFrieda I think you may have missunderstood my intentions. I never cared about him being a fast learner. I need a school that accepts DS for who he is and meets his needs. Any pressure to read and write well is coming from the school, not me.

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LittleFrieda · 12/06/2012 08:44

WantAnOrange - You are the one who has pushed for an ILP (IEP) and asked or an ed psych referral. It sounds as though your school aren't concerned about the fact that your son is a little behind (he is v young or his year), but you are.

I'm really scratching my head as to why you would move a child who has been given extra support and is happy.

WantAnOrange · 12/06/2012 09:24

LittleFrieda the school are continually telling me that DS is not at the expected levels and that I need to do more at home. His teacher has expressed a concern that there is some level of special needs, but then they turn round and do nothing about it! They do not celebrate the things that he is good at, they have only ever repoted the bad things at parent's evenings and in reports and regularly call me in to complain about him (never about his behaviour, about his academic attainment).

Reality is that if he is a class of 30 kids working towards the NC then he will be pushed to be 'at the right level'. That's not coming from me is it? I didn't even know what the NC said they should be doing at Year 1, and was just proud that he was enjoying books at home and keen to ask questions. The school have made it clear that is not good enough.

It was the GP who said he needs the Ed psych referal, in order to get seen by the OT or Paediatricain. The school said they can't do this without a 'failed' IEP. So I asked for an IEP. Makes sense?

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WantAnOrange · 12/06/2012 09:35

I just want DS to have the right help for his needs and achieve his potentional and now I'm being critisized for that!

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maggi · 12/06/2012 10:22

WantAnOrange - I empathize with you on the Everything-I-try to-do-seems-to-be-wrong feelings. I have just been hassled for ds low school attendence. This has been due to all the bugs he has had this year. I have tried to send him when he is only half ill (walking wounded) as I am aware of the impact of low attendence. I have ended up with a resentfull ds who thinks I dont believe he is ill and a whole load of complaints from school because ds has behaved badly due to being ill and causing disruption. So on one foot the school are saying dont send him if he is off colour and on the other foot they are questioning me as to why he has such a low attendence!!! Anyway, he is off again today with a raging temperature. (We are going HE just as soon as they finish testing his dyslexia).

maggi · 12/06/2012 10:24

By they, I mean the school are testing him, so we may as well hang around for that.

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