Would you consider HE in this instance?

[WantAnOrange]

DS will be 6 at the end of this month, and is coming the end of Year 1. Acedamically he has struggled massively. He is still on 'red books' which is about the expected level of a child a few months into reception. He can barely write. He understands maths and can do maths in his head but he cannot read the questions or write the answers, and the result is that he has been labelled as behind in the subject to. He loves art and design, science and recently become interested in history. He has asked to learn french, but the french club at school is full up so he can't go. He struggles with both his fine and gross motor skills. He goes to gymnastics once a week which has helped his confidence massively and has imporved his gross motor skills. He has a very poor attention span and no memory. He is inquisitive and loves to ask why!

The school focus entirely on litracy and over look the things he is better at. They have given him additional support in lessons, with he SENCO, for his litracy which has been great. However, they have only just completed an IEP for him, at my request. I have also requested a referal the Ed Psyhc but that is looking pretty hopeless. The school's attitude is that we should know how lucky we are that they help as much as they do and be grateful.

We have had several problems with the Head, who is an aggressive bully. I won't go into detail because it's a long story, but the upshot is, I do not agree with his approach to either teaching or health and safety. I have made a formal written complaint to the Board of Governers and waiting for a reply.

Overall, we are very unhappy with the school and he most probably will be moving.

However, DS is not unhappy at school. He has a few good friends, has not experienced any bullying and seems to enjoy everyday life. He rarely complains about school.

There is another local school we have looked at, which appears to be lovely and has a much better reputation for dealing with additional needs. The Head is also friendly and a nice person! We visited on Friday and the Head warned me that 4 other children had applied to move to the school in DS's year group this week and that getting a place would not be easy.

I have always liked the idea and principles of HE and wish I had done it from the start. I work as a child minder and therefore am availble, at home to do this and still provide financially. I feel that HE is really an extension of what I already do with my child minded children. I am confident that I could meet DS's academic needs for at least the next few years. I am doing a degree in Early Years Education (that's 0-8yo).

My question is, would it be the right thing for DS? Would it be cruel to remove him from his friends (although this is probably happening anyway if he has to move schools). Would I be choosing HE for the 'right' reasons, as DS is not unhappy.

I think we are probably better off trying to get him a place at the other school but I am very wary of trusting anyone else with DS. What if we are moving from the frying pan into the fire?!

I am terrified that moving him at all is going to emotionally hurt him. I do not know what is best but we can't carry on as it is.

HE him - just extend the long summer holiday.

Of course he can keep on with his friends - weekends and holidays, and actually do fun stuff with them rather than squeezing in playtime between bouts of being made to do things he doesn't really want to do.

I'm not prejudiced at all :o

Whereabouts are you? There's a great HE scene in some parts of the country.

I'm in Torquay. There is a local HE group I think. I have a fired who has looked into more extensively in our area but her DD is only 18 months so she doesn't have first hand experience.

Given that you are able to be at home and you have a positive attitude to HE and have always been keen on the idea - YES Id go ahead and home educate.

Id remove him from the school he is at as it doesnt sound great, apply to get him into the other school - if he doesnt get a place now, get him on the waiting list.
Hopefully a place will be available for him at some point but by then you may be very happily HEing so wont want it anyway.

Id hate for my child to continue in a school where their abilities were overlooked. My dd is almost 8 and her reading skills are probably below your ds so HE is a great option for her.

Home education is fab :)

Ok, but how do I approach DS with this idea, the problem is, he likes school. I don't think he'll want to stay at home with me.

However, I also don't think he'll want to move, but his current school is letting him down.

Ahhhhhhhhh - that is a potential problem!
If you really want to go for it/consider it Id take him to local HE groups and see what they are like (they vary a lot!). Hopefully he will meet a few kids he gets on well with and you will meet HErs to chat to about your situation.

Hopefully your ds will want to go again..............

Further to what ThreadWatcher suggests, I think you want to open your son's eyes to the kinds of things he might do if not at school.

I think that for many people who have no experience of home education, it is defined in the negative. Strictly speaking, home education simply means being educated without going to school. For someone who doesn't hate school, that may not sound very appealing. It may even seem like a deprivation, if there are things about school which your son likes.

Many kids wouldn't want to "stay home with their parents." Sounds like it could be dull and stifling. (In fact they may enjoy that side of it more than they think. Still, few children would want to stay home all day every day.)

Luckily, you don't have to do that. For my kids, home education involves activities such as

ice skating with the home ed group
playing with friends
going to museums and zoos
more holidays, especially camping
adventure playground
playing outside on every sunny or snowy day
pond dipping
tons of afterschool activities (because of not being tired out from school)
travelling to see relatives often
staying up late sometimes, because of being able to catch up on rest the next day

Of course, you don't want to mislead your little guy into thinking that the above activities are ALL he would be doing. Home education also involves a fair bit of "for goodness sake just go find SOMETHING to do while I get this letter written" and trailing round the supermarket at mum's heels. However, I bet there are things he'd love to do if the opportunity arose.

You could take him to a local home ed group if there is one, or to a camp such as Hesfes. You could go on a day trip to somewhere interesting a little distance from your home. If there is a local attraction such as a zoo or swimming pool which he can't get enough of, consider investing in an annual pass. You'll be able to make good use of it and avoid the crowds to boot. We used Tesco clubcard points to buy Merlin passes last year, for unlimited entry to Chessington Zoo, Chessington Theme Park, Sea Life, the London Eye, Warwick Castle, Madame Tussauds etc. Excellent value if you are actually able to take the time to go to many of those places, and to visit the ones you like repeatedly.

Ask him if he wants to take up another activity in addition to gymnastics (judo? science club? Beavers?) and present this as part of his home education. Which it would be: he might well struggle to cope with another activity or two or three after a full day at school, but that won't be an issue if he is home educated.

Well atm he does gym 1 hour a week. I think it would be really beneficial for him to go more, as he struggles so with his motor skills. He also does a half hour swimming lesson a week. I would like to have time to take him myself too. He is keen on learning the guitar but in schools, he is 'too young' (wtf?), and as I said, he wants to learn French which is not part of the NC in his year group.

I'm going on maternity leave in a few weeks time and have finished uni for this semester I could fit more in with him anyway. A lot of our time restricitions are due to me having other children to care for, and being at Uni, not just school.

These are really valid points but it doesn't solve the issue of him 'missing' school. You're right, I would feel like I was depriving him of something. It would matter to me if I'd HE'd from the start but now he knows and has experienced the good parts of school life.

Forgot to add, Saracen those sorts of activities are fairly everyday for me because of child minding. I have a pass for the zoo and the musuem.

Does it all become very expensive? We are dirt poor

We are dirt poor. We home educate. We have a blast. We read SO much. We dont even have a pass for the zoo and the local museum is kind of boring...... its dinky.

We had several issues that pushed me to push dh into 'letting' me home educate. One of them was that the education system wasnt doing my kids any good. They became box tickers. School wasnt drawing out their full potential. For that reason alone I think it was worth it. The social scene was dire. Peer pressure was intense. If it were me and your son was my son, from what you described I would most definately pull him out of school. The sooner the better. No question about it. Have you brought up the subject of Home schooling to him yet? I didnt notice if you mentioned that. My kids heads nearly exploded with excitement from the thought they'd never have to go to school again!

Ive home educated for various reasons and ds3 aged 11 has never been to school,although he had decided hed like to go to secondary school so we are now applying vvv late for Sept anyway Im going off the subject .....controversially I think if your ds is happy to be at school and wants to be there I feel he should be there,you can support his learning at home and to be fair to your child minded charges I think you need a good part of the day to focus entirely on H.E with your ds.

If your ds was unhappy Id say yes without a doubt H.E,children have one childhood and they deserve as happy a childhood as we can provide.

Also speaking from experience with my own dc what appears to be a stumbling block one minute next minute it 'clicks' and falls into place,so just because your ds is struggling at the mo doesnt mean he always will and I think its good for children to know and accept that they cant be stars at everything and that we never stop learning.

If I were you Id keep him at that school whilst trying to get him into the other one and have the back up of H.E in case things get worse.

FWIW, we have been considering HE for a few months now, I have found info and listened to people, joined forums as you have. Then I talk over my findings with dh as I want it to be a joint decision. I think you need to get all the info and views you can and apply them to your own set of circumstances and along the way I think it will become apparent as to what you should do. For example whatever problem I have conjured up there is always somebody who has answered that same problem through HE.

I haven't really spoken to DS about it HE specifacally. I have asked if he likes school, and he answered "yes". I asked if he missed school during the holidays and he said "yes". I asked if he would like to stay at home with mummy and he said...

"I would help you clean my room, and we could cook together and I would feed all the pets and watch television!"

I home ed and I would say to go for it.

Your son sounds as though he would enjoy being at home. Why don't you withdraw him from school now whilst you are looking at other schools and do a bit at home, then if he really wants to go back you can apply to whichever school you think would serve his needs best.

and about cleaning his room, this is a lie!

I have had a long talk with DH this afternoon, how does this sound for a plan?

We will let DS finish this year at his current school. He only has 6 weeks left and feel it would be fair to give him warning of the change before it happens, rather than wrenching him out.

Then we will apply for the new school and see if he gets a place.

If he does get a place, great, we'll see how it goes. I feel this is best for our DS as he is already used to school and happy about many things within the school environment.

If he doesn't get a place, we will de-register him from the current school anyway and HE, probably temporary, until he gets a place at a school better suited to his needs, or permanently if we find it really suits him.

Sounds great to me.
My kids finished off the year when I took them out of school because "we do all the fun stuff now mum - trips and that"

For the sake of your son's self-esteem, you should home educate.:)

I got to Home Ed for very similar reasons, and I am a Nanny, and the family I work for are only too pleased that their children get to benefit from Home Ed too.
Our son is SEN, and despite a Statement was left floundering at school. He has progressed so much more at home and is a different child. He was 6 when we took him out of school and just 8 now. We are looking for the right place for him to return to school - but on the right terms, with the right support in place. Home Ed has been the best thing I have ever done.

I suppose my biggest concern was that we don't have a really strong reason to pull him out. He's not ill, bullied or miserable. He doesn't have a diagnosed SEN or statement. I worry I'm moving him because it's what is best for me rather than him.

To flip that on its head, is there a strong reason to keep him in? If not then why not pull him out?

You're absolutely right Emandlu!

I guess the strongest reason to him in, is that he is enjoying school.

Either way, unless the Governers come up with an amazing solution for the asshole HeadTeacher, he needs to move.

How much imput would you give a 6 Year old in this desicion?

When I first pulled dd out she was 6. I told her about it and asked what she thought but explained that it was our decision to make and we wanted to make the best decision for her.

So I got her views on it but I didn't leave her with a decision to make.

Do you know why he is "behind" academically? Is it because the school is just generally crap, or because there is something he needs he's not getting,(which could also the school being crap at identifying additional needs) or is he just not there yet?

What do you think?

Seeker I don't think he was ready to start school when he did. This was my mistake, I should've held him back a year.

The majority of children in his class appear to be doing well so I don't think the school are crap for average + ability children.

It wouldn't shock me if there was an underlying issue. The GP leaned towards Dyspraxia for his motor skills and also pointed that there are probably 2 seperate issues going on here. One is physical skills, the other is learning. He is very slow to learn new skills. He lacks confidence and can be unwilling to try.

I have asked for a referal to the Ed Physc but I get a load of excuses back. They have only just written an IEP, and I had to ask for that. DS goes for his letters and sounds lessons in a group with the SENCO, which is lovely but not enough. I feel a good teacher should have been much mor eon the ball. A written IEP in the first half term of Year 1 and a referal to the Ed Physc so we can identify any additional needs.

So the short answer? I don't know .

Have you considered getting an independent Ed Psych report? It seems to me that whatever you do, you need to know whether it's just a matter of catching ip, or whether he'll need special interventions for him to get there. If you do decide on HE you need to know what you're dealing with- and if there is an underlying additional need how best to support him. If he goes to another school, it might help to go armed with an existing report..