Deschooling issues... part 2

[gentheyank]

Not sure how many parts we'll have here...

How do you get over the 'pressure points'? I was feeling like we were getting on swimmingly, things were smootly sailing for a couple of weeks. Then things get intense. For example: My twin girls just turned 13. They are both so different but best friends. One of my girls SUDDENLY can only think about being around her friends. When she was in school, home was her safe place. She had a lot of drama in school, intense social pressures and cliquey girly issues. She just said to me the other day 'Maybe I can go to the same school so and so goes to' WT... She nearly begged me to homeschool. She is just so intense with her demands. Its never 'Can I have a chocolate bar?' its 'I REALLY REALLY NEED a chocolate bar! I NEED some chocolate!' Her dad just had surgery, unexpected and sudden and altho it was a minor operation, its still got him housebound for the forseeable future. She can think of nothing else besides going out with her friends, to the park, into town, shopping. No money, she spent all her birthday money after begging me and sulking for me to let her go into town clothes shopping (which she came home with a pair of SHORT hotpants . Im one of those moms who has made it clear that very short skirts or shorts are not an option), I have to get her dad into town for wound repacking after the wound breaks down, I dont drive, I dont know how Im gonna manage this and all she can think about it going out with her friends!?! While Im working all this out, her friend turns up at the door. Its all planned in her mind...

I genuinely dont know how to handle this, this is all so sudden of a change for her. Could this have to do with her age, or deschooling, or both? Im certain there's moms here who have survived teen years and can offer some advice... I could certainly use it.

Im feeling overwhelmed today and slightly emotional. Dh had his surgery, ds and I were violently ill with a very nasty tummy bug wed and thursday. Im just feeling as if things are out of control at the moment.

deep breaths...

I haven't been through the deschooling process and my dd is no longer as intense as yours (she was like that as a preteen sometimes).

But it strikes me that these things she wants to do could be a great motivation for her to do productive things. If you can manage to let it wash over you and remember that this is not YOUR problem, taking many deep breaths, maybe she will start arranging her life in the way she wants. No money? There are ways for teens to earn money outside the family, especially when they are HE and have plenty of time on their hands. No transport? Her friend turned up on your doorstep so perhaps the friend has a way to get your dd to town. My dd is pretty good at ringing round various people when she wants to go out and I can't take her. I remind her that if she wants to keep getting lifts she ought to do something for the people who take her out - sometimes she babysits for their younger children or does other favours for them to show her gratitude. Can your daughter cycle to town?

Your daughter may think this is a crisis but TBH it doesn't sound like one to me. I am sure she can sort it out while you concentrate on things which you feel are more important, such as looking after your dh while he recovers from surgery. (Try asking for hospital transport maybe? That's what it is there for, people who genuinely can't get to the hospital for medical treatment.)

Good luck and I hope your dh makes a good recovery.