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Original poster

Fed up of ridiculous probing!

15 replies

Colleger · 21/05/2012 09:43

I need an answer to stop people in their tracks probing about home ed. I'm not being defensive but I'm beginning to tire of being asked the same thing over and over again. You know:

How can you possibly teach him?
What about socialisation? I've nearly lost a few friends by saying school socialisation is abnormal! Grin
What about your free time?
Or just their opinions or the look that they give you.

So any advice for a sentence, or two, that's non-confrontational or defensive sounding that will make them think I'm not bonkers and will cut the conversation dead...oh, without it being awkward?

Am I asking the impossible?

OP posts:
EauRouge · 21/05/2012 09:56

I think a lot depends on how it is asked and how you respond. I've had a lot of people ask me the same questions (we haven't started yet but plan to HE when DD1 reaches school age).

I just assume it's because HE is relatively unusual and that they don't know anything about it so they're asking out of curiosity rather than because they're criticising.

When I reply I try to do so without criticising school, but that's because I can't be bothered to get into a debate about it. You could just smile and say "we feel it's the right decision for our family" if you don't want to argue about it.

I don't like it when people immediately try to talk you out of HE as soon as you mention it. Bit rude IMO. Questions I can handle but being told that I'm making the wrong decision (sometimes by total strangers) is very annoying. In those circumstances I usually say something like "we'll see" or "I'm glad your child is enjoying school so much" and leave it at that.

But I think people will always ask about HE because it's not the norm.

Shagmundfreud · 21/05/2012 11:28

I've commented on this on my thread about my dd.

It reminds me of when I had a home birth. Same sort of shock response, and the implication that you're being irresponsible. Sad

I just point out to people (who always think their child is well-socialised) that their child was probably well socialised BEFORE staring school.

My (otherwise lovely and sensible) SIL asked me if I didn't think it was important that children learn how to handle socially difficult situations and bullying by being at school, as they will meet situations like this at work as adults.

To which I pointed out that it's quite easy to teach children about bullying and how to respond to it WITHOUT actually making them experience it themselves.Grin

Saracen · 21/05/2012 13:27

I'm in the other camp, in which I enthuse at such length about the joys of HE that my would-be critics start trying desperately to change the subject or begin looking around to see how to escape me.

If you want to cut the conversation short, what about saying with extreme bravado and cheeriness, "Oh, I've researched all about it, met loads of HE kids, absolutely NOT a problem!!" and if they persist then again, "No no, I really HAVE learned all about it and it is completely fine!"

and then with the repeat offenders, "You're really interested in the subject. That's great! I don't suppose you actually know many home educated kids, so of course you don't realise how it works. Would you like to come along to the home ed group with me so you can find out more?" That last line is slightly patronising I know, but - it IS true that you know a lot more about the subject than they do and it could be worth pointing that out a bit bluntly.

lindy20 · 21/05/2012 15:59

like the answer ......saracen ..........might have to use it on the numpties......................scottish word......

flussymummy · 21/05/2012 19:40

Saracen- that's fantastic! I've been lucky so far I suppose- most people have looked slightly bemused but been polite (so far!) except for one super-competitive mummy acquaintance who insists upon asking questions of my DDs to test their progress!!

julienoshoes · 21/05/2012 19:43

I used to say
"The answer to your question is No! No I don't need to be a teacher, no socialisation is not a problem, no we don't have to have inspections, no we don't have to follow a curriculum, no they don't have to do exams unless they want to, no it won't stop them getting to University or with getting a job. Whatever your question is, the answer is no"

Original poster
Colleger · 21/05/2012 21:14

Lol julienoshoes!

OP posts:
ThreadWatcher · 21/05/2012 23:39

I like Saracens response!

I usually say:
It's not about my ability to teach, it's all about the opportunities for learning that my kids have access to, the mountains of books we own, the Internet, the adventures we go on.
You have a legal duty to educate your children, you have chosen school, I haven't (because school massively failed my dc maybe it will fail yours one day too.... not that I have ever said that last bit!)

Saracen · 22/05/2012 01:39

"except for one super-competitive mummy acquaintance who insists upon asking questions of my DDs to test their progress!!"

ooh I have the answer to that one too. Actually I stole it from somebody on a home ed list. Grin

If an adult asks you "what's 7 x 8?" then the reply is, "Didn't you learn that at school? Wow, what DID you do for six hours a day then? I don't know the answer either, but it's OK, I have a times table where we can look it up, or I could show you how to do it on the calculator if you'd rather."

If a kid asks you "what's 7 x 8?" then the reply is, "I don't know. What IS 7 x 8?" and when they reply you say, "Thanks! Now I know, and I didn't have to spend the whole day at school to find out."

FionaJNicholson · 22/05/2012 08:48

In my experience they are often asking because they are reflecting on their own experience as a child or as a parent and trying to prove to themselves that THEY made the right choice or that their parents made the right choice.

The more you answer, the more they ask. If you really need them to stop asking, best to say something bland and unrewarding/unchallenging like "well, everyone's different aren't they, we'll just have to see how it works out." If they keep going on, you can always just smile kindly and say absolutely nothing. Eventually even the thickest-skinned person just stops talking in a vacuum.

I think that an adult quizzing a child is bad manners on the part of the adult and in the past I've intervened and said "if we wanted to do a quiz we have plenty of them at home, thanks..." and then commenting afterwards to the child about the adult's lack of social graces.

wolvesdidit · 22/05/2012 12:52

My BIL actually shouted at me for home edding DS and said I was ruining his life...

Original poster
Colleger · 22/05/2012 13:24

Ruining your BIL's life? Wink

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 22/05/2012 16:56

As I'm not home ed. well not yet anyhow, couldn't help but comment. I think I would have to point out the huge academic progress my dd had made as school teaches relatively little these days. Guess thats defensive though and not what the op asked.
I wish I had known more about home ed for my older ones, I was I admit a parent thinking it too weird. Oh how wrong I was

WantAnOrange · 04/06/2012 19:39

I just wrote a really long post for this and bloody lost it! Angry

The short version is this:

How can you possibly teach him?
How can you not teach him? Just try and stop a child learning!

What about socialisation?
What about it? I don't lock them in the cupboard understairs...

What about your free time?
I actually enjoy my child's company! Shock

I don't HE btw, but I wish I had from the start Sad

WantAnOrange · 04/06/2012 19:39

My answers are probably not a lesson on how to make, or keep, friends though!

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