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De-reg letter for 13yr old has just been sent...oooh errr!

16 replies

nelehluap · 20/05/2012 19:24

Finally done it. De-reg letter has been sent. Half expect the school to have something to say but would be nice if they'd just remove DD1's name from their register and let her go quietly. Have become a member of EO, have been and bought all the KS3 workbooks that we need at the moment plus some GCSE books..and have just enrolled onto Tutor Hunt...a website giving names of local tutors so DD1 can take up a couple of lessons a week with a private tutor for a couple of core subjects. It's all go! :)

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MoreCatsThanKids · 20/05/2012 19:55

Good Luck - did same my 13 yo DD less than a month ago :o

Hope the school don't make it stressful - did they have any idea it was likely? Our DDs school gave us a 2 week period to re consider - but DD had not been to school before that for 8 weeks (and very low attendance before that) We had told them the week before that we wanted them to send work home for her because she wasn't able to attend because of illness - they wouldn't do it - so what else did they think we would do - start sending her in after all? Crazy place - well rid.

Looks like you have everything planned out - but perhaps give DD a break for a while to get used to the idea?

Good Luck :)

musicposy · 20/05/2012 22:04

DD1's secondary didn't fuss at all - just wrote us a letter a couple of weeks later saying she was off their register.

I did think they might have fought a bit to keep her as she was a perfect student (of course! Wink) but that was just me being perverse. Grin

Have fun on your home ed journey! :)

nelehluap · 21/05/2012 14:54

Yes I've had an email back already from the school saying how disappointed they are that we wish to withdraw her name from the register and would we reconsider and asking that we go in and have a meeting to discuss alternatives and keep her in school.....my question to them would be why now? Why when they've had ample time (weeks/months) have they never suggested meeting up before? Perhaps it is their duty to offer a meeting I don't know. I've not replied to their email but I have absolutely no desire to put her back into school and whilst I'm sat writing this DD1 is sat out in the garden doing some geography work and she's just said what she's done in the last hour would've taken a full week at school. Just goes to show. It's not so much the behaviour of the bullies who have relentlessly targeted DD1 that made us pull her out of school but more the way the school dealt with it, or rather didn't. We will see how it goes - I'm pleased we've done it, DD1 is definitely a lot happier (she's not been to school for a week now) and whilst I encourage HE-ing I am also being quite careful not to let her hang around me too much so she's already got herself a little part-time job volunteering in a local charity shop and she's due to join up for an athletics club, private maths tuition and acoustic guitar lessons.....lots to do and think about but I'm also making sure she has time to chill and get school out of her system.

morecatsthankids....interesting to read you've just done the same thing with your DD1 who is the same age. Is it possible (just an idea) if your DD1 would like to email mine? My DD1 would love to have a fellow HE friend of the same age! They could swap ideas, books etc....and have a general teenage chat! :)

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ommmward · 21/05/2012 15:53

THere isn't a requirement on the school to offer a meeting to try to change your mind.

I'd email back politely to say "Thank you for your invitation. We'll be in touch if there is anything you can help us with, but there isn't at the moment"

Saracen · 21/05/2012 16:55

Congratulations!! I'm really glad your dd is enjoying herself already. That is fantastic news.

As for the meeting the school has offered, I would bet that the reason they are now thinking it could be worth making a bit of an effort to resolve matters, when they didn't before, is because they expect the LA to come down on them. Some LAs feel it reflects badly on the school if a child is withdrawn, because who in their right mind would ever choose to HE if they hadn't been let down by school in a major way, eh? Hmm For that matter I guess in your case it does reflect badly on the school that you've felt it necessary to home educate. It will come out in the wash.

They can avoid that scenario if they can persuade you to change your mind either by promising to do better for your daughter or by feeding you scare stories about home education. Yes, cynical is my middle name.

So as ommmward says, turn down the meeting. There's no point in going to the meeting since you are sure you don't want to send your daughter back. They'll only annoy you one way or another and I'm sure you have better ways to use your time!

nelehluap · 21/05/2012 17:44

I've not yet had a chance to discuss the email that I rec'd from the headteacher today with my DH but I'm sure when I do he'll agree with me...why should we go in and talk about our decision to withdraw DD1 from their school? I do feel it is them worrying about their reputation with the LA but then they should've thought about that each time I had to go in and talk to them, ring them, email them etc.. I think I will simply reply saying 'thanks but no thanks' and leave it at that.

Another question.....whilst looking for a maths tutor for DD1 which I have found she has advised that we should be doing atleast 5 hours a week of maths, 5 hours a week of English and 5 hours a week of Science...is this the case? When I look at DD1's old school timetable her subjects do not add up to that per week and certainly when she tells me precisely how much of her 'lesson time' was actually spent 'learning' and not reprimanding other kids it never added up to that each week. If we do 5hrs per those three subjects that'd be a total of 15hrs a week already. What I was planning on doing was a subject a day but not necessarily 5hrs devoted to it....is that sufficient?!

DD1 is definitely a much happier girl. She was even able to face some of her so called friends at DD2's school this aftn (they all congregate outside the gates for siblings) and she was fine although I could tell that those responsible for being cruel kept their distance but a couple of her other friends came up and gave her a hug, which was nice.

:)

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julienoshoes · 21/05/2012 19:59

5 hours a week of each of those subjects? That would be a lot!
There is no 'should' about anything.
When a LA are obliged to provide home tutoring, because of illness etc, they provide 5 hours or so total in a week!
Sounds like the tutor is touting for business to me!
Have a look at the Elective Home Education:Guidelines for LAs written by the Department of Education to inform LA's about HE.
Section 3.13 states:
Home educating parents are not required to:

teach the National Curriculum
provide a broad and balanced education
have a timetable
have premises equipped to any particular standard
set hours during which education will take place
have any specific qualifications
make detailed plans in advance
observe school hours, days or terms
give formal lessons
mark work done by their child
formally assess progress or set development objectives
reproduce school type peer group socialisation
match school-based, age-specific standards.

we took our children out of school aged 13, 11 and 8. They didn't do any formal work at all until they chose to do some qualifications. They are all at University level education now.

I'm not saying this informal/autonomous approach is exactly right for every family, but it might be well worth looking at the research done here in the UK about How Children Learn at Home

Even if you did take a structured approach, home based education is so efficient (it's on a one to one basis remember, not one to 35 or so as it is in schools) an hour or two a day would be equivalent to the whole school day easily!

nelehluap · 21/05/2012 20:18

Thank you julieonshoes. I thought the same that she was touting for work. I think what DD1 has achieved today and her comments about 'what we did in an hour today would've taken all week at school' said it all. Thanks for all your valuable information and links. You really are such a help. x

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musicposy · 21/05/2012 20:26

5 hours on each of those subjects a week?

OK, we tend towards structure. I reckon my Y8 12 year old has done about 10 - 15 minutes maths a day, 3 or 4 days a week since she came out of school in Y4. It's way more than she needs - she's already at GCSE standard. DD1 got an A on her maths GCSE at only 14 on no more than that.

I reckon that we do no more than 2 hours of what would be viewed as formal work a day. At the moment it's a bit more for DD1 who has GCSEs and a lot less for DD2 who has been pretty much autonomous since the start of the year.

DD1 is Y11 and already has 6 good GCSEs on this amount, will have 10 this summer. She has an unconditional offer for A levels at college in September.

I see her friends spend all day in school, every evening and all Sunday on homework. I honestly have no idea why they need so much or what they do in that time. Crowd control, I suspect. Dd1 seems to have achieved these qualifications spending a lot of time having fun! It really doesn't take much. Don't let the school or anyone else scare you. I very much suspect you won't need tutors either once you find your feet.

Good luck!

nelehluap · 21/05/2012 21:04

I'm trying my hardest to introduce fun and chilling out time into DD1's day...and fitting in 5hrs a week per subject is going to be hard! She's had such a rough time of it at school that I feel I must make HE as much fun as learning....

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julienoshoes · 21/05/2012 21:08

The Head Teacher at our then 13 year old son's school, rang to say that he knew nothing about home education, but offering help if we needed it.
We had quite a chat, he was asking about curriculum obligations etc.
When I explained that there were no obligations on home educators to follow any sort of curriculum, and that we would be following the children's interests he said

"Oh to go back to the joys of teaching a child what he wants to learn!"

nelehluap · 21/05/2012 21:12

Thank you julieonshoes.....the email I had from the Headteacher today did give a bit of a disapproving tint towards HE-ing but then again I don't suppose she can hardly encourage it. We've just sent an email back saying that if a child feels she has to lie about the treatment she's been on the receiving end of at school to please the school and for fear of repurcussions from the bullies then it is time to move her out and that we'd hope they'd appreciate our decision to do so. But then again it can't be easy for a school to admit they have a problem let alone deal with it.

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julienoshoes · 21/05/2012 21:36

I've said it before.... asking a Head Teacher about Home Education is often like asking a butcher for his views on vegetarianism....

nelehluap · 21/05/2012 21:51

julieonshoes...well put! xx

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MoreCatsThanKids · 21/05/2012 22:35

Grin Julie

nele - I will send you a PM so we can exchange details. We are not going to be as structured as you (at least to start with) - DD had health problems which prompted her leaving school and had operation a week ago. Like the voluntary work idea - something we can think about :)

nelehluap · 22/05/2012 09:02

morecats - thanks, rec'd email and replied. We don't have any structure in place either. I think its far more important, atm, to boost my DD1's happiness and confidence. Today, for example, I've got my work to do this morning (takes me two hours) and she's coming with me - I'm a courier delivering parcels. I will get her out and about knocking on doors, getting signatures, having a chat with some of the lovely people I deliver to. Then its home and lunch sat out in the garden (gorgeous weather here today which is a bonus!), then she can either sit and read one of her many books (she's a real bookworm) or she can read the paper - I don't care! She wants to do some English work which I'm happy for her to do (she's very keen) but we just use the workbooks I bought from WHSmiths....then after about an hour or so she'll probably do some of her sewing (she has her own website on facebook which she shows her pieces of work) and has even managed to sell a couple of bits!...then its off to pick up DD2 from school, and like yesterday DD1 will see her mates whilst I'm waiting for DD2 to come out (she takes forever)...and then home again and time to chill. So we're not doing anything planned...just taking each day as it comes. I've suggested she has a day off during the week and we can do cooking, walking (we have a dog) and like yesterday we sat in the local park and had lunch.

If anything I'm rediscovering my eldest daughter. I do feel that I lost touch with her a bit especially when so much was going on at school and seeing her so happy now (and sleeping well, eating and being far more integrated with the family) its made me realise just how unhappy she was before. She's had her period this last week too and whereas she'd be as moody as hell and we kept our distance she's been absolutely fine and a lot more content.

DD1 has had huge health issues too in her short life, all brought on by bullying/worry from school. She has been in and out of hospital many times. Although no operations were involved (I hope your DD1 is ok morecats) but it was all in all a very tough time for us all. Back in December 2010 she got glandular fever - she was in bed for over a month and we have had to deal with repeat episodes of it ever since, although not as serious, but even so regular bouts of absence from school...which hasn't helped. And in that respect its a relief that we have chosen to do HE-ing because we are now fully aware of what she has to learn for her GCSE's and have a far clearer idea of what she would otherwise have missed out on at school. However, having said that, having got workbooks for her year (year 8) and what should've been covered at school, and what she has actually covered at school, it is extremely shocking to see how little they have completed. For example...the English workbook for Year 8 lists about 20 different sections/subjects...and she'd done about 5 and considering the fact there is only a few more weeks left of Year 8 I cannot honestly see how on earth the school could say they'd have completed it all, unless of course they pushed them so damn hard at the end to make them finish it.

The level of teaching at her old school was appalling too. Far too many young teachers, just out of Uni, who I know have to start somewhere but when they can't even control a class of 35 kids, spent pretty much the entire lesson reprimanding children and the kids sit there on their phones taking photos, texting and taking videos to put on the internet when they get home....is simply not my idea of a lesson.

I'm so glad we have now walked away from it. :)

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