Home schooling instead of secondary

[mfisher101]

Hi,
I have a very bright (currently 8yr old) son, who is working around 2 years ahead of his peers at school. I am looking into keeping him home and getting private tutors for him when he gets to secondary age, as although I love his primary, I don't hold the same hopes for secondary's. He is very quiet, serious and as i said clever, I feel he would be a walking victim in a school of 3500 kids (I was bullied at secondary so I know what it can do to children)

My parents agree with me, as does his dad, however his dad's parents think its ridiculous. I plan to put him in several out of school activities so that he can make friends of his own age etc...

Has anyone else done this ? If so, how did it work out ? Any suggestions ? Am i being over-protective ? Any help would be hugely appreciated.
Thanks

Firstly, I'd say there's no basic reason why he should be a victim - if you're giving him plenty of self-confidence and social skills, then just being bright and quiet won't in itself make him prone to bullying. So I don't think you should write off the whole idea of secondary school just because of that possibility, even if you suffered at the hands of bullies yourself.

But OTOH there's no reason why you shouldn't HE at that age if you and he both think it's the best choice - by that age I do think it has to be a joint decision though, so you may not find he's as keen as you are, if he enjoys school.

There are lots of ways of doing HE with older DC, so it would depend what you and he want to get out of it - e.g. would you want him to be doing qualifications? There are ways of doing that, and a whole Yahoo group about it, if you want info and/or support.

There are also things like online schools - they do charge fees but it's much less than a physical private school. Those have pros and cons. My DS was in one for 2 years and it worked well for him, but it's horses for courses!

I'd say for now just find out about HE and the options, but also find out about the secondary schools in your area, and keep an eye on how your DS seems to deal with things - as I say, if it's just that you have a worry about schools, then its worth trying to work through that before thinking this is something that you have to do, rather than weighing it up and deciding its what you'd prefer to do.

As others have said not reason why you can't as long as he's up for it. However don't assume becuase he is bright (and tbh two years ahead at secondary may well not be that big a gap), quiet and you were bullied that he will also be bullied!

Certianly check out the secondary situation - there may be another school you feel suits him better, or the fact that there are 3500 (how many form intake) will probably mean there are other similar boys for him to form friendships with (quite likely I'd have thought with that big an intake), and more after school clubs.

The socialising aspect is important - often clubs and after school stuff are attended by kids that know each other through school so breaking into an established group may be difficult, particularly if he is shy. School might actually be better from that pov.

Don't underestimate him - maybe try him at a secondary and see what happens? He might be fine - he's still got a couple of years dont forget! If he's not then you still have the option of pulling him out and HE him - but it would have to be his decision.

I have a similarly quiet, socially shy, geeky, bright year 6 boy, due to start secondary this September. If he was my first I'd probably panic and think he'll never cope! But fortunatley for him he's my second, and I know he'll be fine. He'll be in a class of bright kids (his school teaches in ability sets), probably 35 per class, of whcih 15 will be boys. There has to be at least a few he'll get on with. Cubs/ Scouts has also had a huge positive impact on him - hes still quiet, but more confident, willing to try new things, and crucially for him, willing to try things even if he knows hes not likely to be able to do them.

I have every confidence now (even if he doesn't!) that he will be OK.

If he's really clever are you capable of teaching him to the required level?

"If he's really clever are you capable of teaching him to the required level?"

Yes.

One of the joys and beauties of home education, is facilitating a personalised education suitable to that child.
With the internet you can cover most subjects, and you can learn together-or as I did , watch your children run ahead of you in certain subjects.

Plus of course this mother has said she will get Private Tutors, I don't see this is always necessary-unless the parent can't be there themselves.

Many many children learn autonomously....did you every see the article about Indian street children teaching themselves to use a computer with no instruction??
Most of the hundreds of home educated young people I know have been autonomous/informal learners, directing their own learning, which their parents facilitate. I know of youngsters getting to Cambridge/Oxford and all of the other Universities this way, doing subjects such as Law, Classics, Veterinary Science, Medicine, Physics, Engineering, Nursing, Sociology and Social Policy, Art, Music and Psychology -and that's just from a few straight off the top of my head!

then as AMumInScotland pointed out, some home educated children use online schools and do very well indeed. So lots of options.

I've home educated all three of mine through their teens (two of them had been bullied in school) and they have never had any difficulty with 'after school clubs'

and best of all there are usually loads of home education activities going on too!
My children had a social life that was the envy of their schooled peers and

Someone once said to me, finding the home education community is like Alice going through the looking glass-there is a whole world out there that you didn't know anything about!

I would say go and look at your local secondary's, you may be pleasantly surprised. There are subjects no HE can attempt ( I mean most DT type subjects). Schools are very different from when I was a child, and probably since you were there.
There is no reason your DS will be bullied because you were. Schools are much hotter on bullying and general care for pupils than in the past.
Tutors charge a lot, for someone qualified I would expect £25+ per hour at least.
Learning 1 to 1 or in a small group is very different to learning in a class, and some skills are just not learnt that way.

If you were serious about the philosophy of home schooling I would have expected you to have started before secondary. Some children find HE too much, especially at secondary level as they have to be so self motivated. I would also think starting HE when teenage hormones start could be especially challenging.

However if your son is not being stretched now, I would be complaining and asking for more differentiated work suitable for him. 2 years in advance is not much, pretty much all classes should have some pupils working at this level.

"If you were serious about the philosophy of home schooling I would have expected you to have started before secondary."
I totally disagree. Many primary schools are nurturing, safe, happy environments. I haven't ever been in a secondary school which gives this impression (though I live in hope that such places do exist!)
I'm not surprised at all that the OP has been happy to send her child to primary school but is underwhelmed by the options available at the next stage. I also think that the OP should be credited with already knowing which choices are available.
Julienoshoes- that link is amazing!

mummytime - you'd probably be amazed at the range of famlies who decide that HE is an option for their family at secondary age - it's not usually a philosophical decision, but a practical one - where you look at the child/teen and the available school options, and work out that it just isn't the best option for that child at that time, and start looking at the alternatives.

I didn't do HE because of any philosophy, or any problem with the concept of school, or teachers, or learning a set curriculum, or sitting exams. But simply because at a time when my DS was leaving one school and looking for another, we could not find an option that we were happy with. After a while I had a slightly panicky thought of "At this rate we'll have to Home Educate him for a while, how the hell do we do that?" and I looked into it (finding MN in the process...) and worked out that we could sort out a good and appropriate education for him without having to pick between unsuitable schools.

For us it was just a short-term measure, but it was the right choice for him at the time, just like the right choice later was to be back in a school again. HE can be just one part of a child's education, not necessarily a 5-18 lifestyle choice made for philosophical reasons.

I can totally understand someone deciding to HE at secondary. But I think it is odd to decide to HE having not done so at primary and having not even looked at the secondaries around, which the OP doesn't seem to have done.
I also know from my DC and friends DC, that teenagers and pre-teens have opinions of their own.

Local authorities often highlight the transition to secondary education as a major trigger for home education, as the child is thrust into a completely different environment and aspects of the child's temperament which weren't necessarily an issue at primary are stretched to breaking point in the secondary school.

I have looked at thelocal secondary's, all are huge and very impersonal. They are like robot factories and tbh i'm not prepared to put my little horror in that situation.
I have not home schooled so far as his primary school is excellent and are definitely giving him harder work to make him think, so I am very happy at the moment. He also does not want to go to secondary school based on what we have both seen.
He already has private lessons for Japanese as they don't teach that at school, it was done at his request.

But he's 8!!!! The smallest most nurturing lovely secondary school would be overwhelming to a child that age - just those enormous year 11s! When he's 10 and everyone else I his class is going to secondary he may well want to join them - just don't dismiss it out of hand just yet.

I'd have felt the same about secondary schools when my DS was 8, but they do change a lot over the next couple of years. Do you know any parents of DC at the local schools? I'll bet they wouldn't agree with your description - even large schools usually have systems in place to make sure that the children have a small number of familiar faces around them in the early years, and they soon get to know their core teachers.

I don't want to push you either direction - but I do think you need to keep an open mind this far ahead of time. Find out about HE in your area, ut also take a proper look at secondary schools nearer the time. You might be surprised that both you and DS view them differently in a couple of years time.

If not, then fine. But most parents of 8yo find it impossible to imagine them being happy in a huge impersonal secondary school. And yet most parents and DC cope with it just fine when they reach that age.

I agree with julienoshoes and muminscotland

Also don't automatically assume that to home ed you need tutors - most of us rarely use a tutor (as far as I'm aware)

Anytime is a good time to begin home educating if it's the right decision for you and your chlld.

I'm not anti (or pro) home school so have no axe to grind. But wanted to suggest that going in to secondary education with the opinion that because I was bullied my ds will be too and because the school is big it is impersonal and wont challenge ds.

My dss are both high achievers who went to a lovely nurturing primary. They both now go to an enormous sausage factory local comp and they are both infinitely happier than they were at primary.

Because: a large secondary which sets its pupils can cater for really high achievers and pupils are much more likely to be in a set with other like minded bods.

Because: the stuff they learn gets far more interesting and challenging.

Because: the range of subjects and activities they can access is far broader than a smaller institution or home can offer

Because: for teens friends become so important and seeing friends doing and enjoying things they haven't tried themselves encourages them to take the plunge. I don't think in a million years ds1 (15) would doing his paper round then going straight to volunteer in a charity shop before getting up on a stage to audition with his band (all tomorrow) unless he'd met the friends he's doing all these things with at secondary.

Finally - don't mistake large for impersonal. Good large schools are very careful to ensure that there is still a consistent and supportive group where each pupil is known well by teachers or pastoral staff. OK, so my dss don't know the names of the kids in the other years. They don't even know the names of all the other teachers in the school but the teachers, form tutor and head of year they do have know them very very well indeed and they have a far more mature, pleasant and relaxed relationship with these teachers than any they had at primary who seemed to be very stressed and shouty

Anyway, you've got a while...

" He also does not want to go to secondary school based on what we have both seen."

But he is 8! He can't possibly be able to make any sort of judgement about secondary school.

You need to be very careful not to let your negative attitude affect him- the choice should be to some extent his, and he needs to be able to make it to please himself, not to please you.

I wouldn't assume that he will be bullied because you were.
Have you visited the school and asked? My DS's large comprehensive had a year 8 pupil working with the 6th form for Maths for example.
I would wait another 2 years and then involve your DS in the decision. An 8 yr old can't discuss it yet, he is too young.

I agree with slambang. I know a very bright, quiet DS who had a hard time in primary- not being a footballer. He is really happy in the large comprehensive, having the science club etc. A big school gives a huge pool for friends- very important for teens.

"I would also think starting HE when teenage hormones start could be especially challenging."

OOH! I have had hormonally charged teens in school and home educated teens too!

I promise it is so much easier to home educate hormonally charged teens, than it is to send them to school, where they have to obey rigid rules, get up when they would rather be sleeping, be quiet when they want to speak, being stressed over unnecessary exams and work when they want to play!

The elder 'child' in our house often says how much easier his younger siblings had it being home educated through their teens-and I totally agree. Much easier for them and so much nicer for me!

"If you were serious about the philosophy of home schooling I would have expected you to have started before secondary"

You would have to be aware of home education as a legal viable option first. We didn't know anything about it, until our eldest was a teen.
Often too children are quite happy in primary school. Of all of the frantic phone calls I get, from worried parents whose children are desperately unhappy, the majority are from parents of 11 year olds or 13 year olds-depending on whether it is an two or three teir system in place.

"I know a very bright, quiet DS who had a hard time in primary- not being a footballer. He is really happy in the large comprehensive, having the science club etc. A big school gives a huge pool for friends- very important for teens." that describes my ds1, he had a bit of a hard time at primary, as he is not a 'typical boy' and every other boy in his yr group loved football and he hates it, but he is in yr 8 in high school now and thriving, lots of different clubs and activities and he has found like minded friends, his year group is now 250 kids so a wider pool (much wider than the 40 kids at primary) and he is very happy.

that being said i also agree with what julienoshoes says HE can be very good and it is an option that is worth exploring, i personally thought it woud take a lot of commitment and with 4 other children i was concerned i wouldnt be able to do enough, ie juggle the different ages of children and their needs etc, and my ds1 is also very bright. (we home educated from age 4/5 until age 9 and then went into primary first on a flexi schoo basis and then full time)

there are lots of options out there, do your research and i would say you can always apply for for a place and then turn it down, keep your options open :)

The whole point us that you have an 8 year old, you have no idea where he will be or what he will think in 3 years time. Wait and see. Visit the school and ask the questions in the meantime.