Do you ever feel like this?

[catnipkitty]

Hi All
I feel I'm giving my all to the children and HEding, and they're blossoming and I'm finding it very fulfilling.

But...it's really tiring; I just about have time for DH, and we do alot as a family at the weekends; I just about get some chores done (shopping, tackling the laundry mountain); I have no spare time or energy to make the effort to phone/visit family and friends. I recently missed my sister's 40th birthday because I just couldn't face the late night and looking after the children the next day. She was so upset with me. I rarely do any exercise, rarely phone friends, and now I'm wondering if I have my priorities right? Am I giving 'too much' to my children? How do I rebalance things without exhausting myself??

Please help/advise and share your experiences. Thank you
Cxx

Hi

I am about to start HE again-I last did it 3 years ago, so I may not be the best person to give advice.
However, your post resonated with me because I feel like you do for much of the time.

IME, the first and most vital thing to do is to exercise. Last year I started walking 2-3 miles a day. I lost weight, felt much more relaxed and had loads more energy. When I let it slide, I felt crap again.
So, for my own sanity and much needed 'me' time, I recently started it up again and realised how much I had missed it.

I think that it's perfectly possible to get so consumed by your children's needs that you forget about your own. How old are your dc?
I only ask because, when my 2 were younger, I felt totally drained and overwhelmed at times. They are older now (7 and 11) and happily play together or do their own thing while I get some time to myself.

If you are struggling with the guilt of doing things for yourself, remember that it's good for your dc to see you taking time out-they model their behaviour and ideas on you, so you are setting a good example

Thank you for your reply and empathy! The children are all girls - 8 yr old and twin 7 yr olds. They do entertain themselves very well alot of the time, and I get time on the computer or to do cooking etc. When do you do your walking? It's a good idea, especially with summer evenings, but I tend to think I should spend the time with DH in the evenings (guilt again!)

C x

At the minute, I like to do my walks in the evening-I leave the kids with DH and go out about 6ish for an hour. This means I get back to sort out the bedtime stuff (dd1 has AS and still needs a lot of support).

It was hard in the winter though when the dark nights set in. I struggled to fit it in then, but I am determind it won't put me off this year.

As for DH, I usually find I am in a better frame of mind and less snappy after my walk. Otherwise, I just flop on the sofa when the girls are in bed and end up dozing. Mind you, DH does the same!

I don't know if it would work for you, but a while ago I sat the girls down and told them that I needed time for myself, and why. I explained that I loved being with them but that everyone needs time to do their own thing if they are to feel really content and that it was important that every person in the family considered the needs of the others.

Of course, I made it positive and age-appropriate
And I felt REALLY guilty for such a long time (still do quite often). However, they quickly got used to it.

It's not that I'm rigid and bar them from them from the room if I'm busy doing jobs or reading, but I try really hard not to jump up every time they ask for something. It's a work in progress though