Returning to school after Home-Ed - any advice?

[Emphaticmaybe]

Hi - my 11 year old has a place at our local, state secondary from September. She has been home-ed for the last 2 years and before that 2 years of flexi-schooling.

DD is very positive about returning but understandably nervous. Has any one got any experiences to share regarding their own children or any helpful advice about settling back in? Thanks,

Must just add, we have had a very positive home-ed experience and the return to main-stream is DD's choice which we support.

Seems a shame that no one has replied, however I'm not sure I'm the right person to answer you as my DS returned to mainstream last September, but is now back in HE. What helped him before he started at school was to have extra visits there so that he felt really familiar with it and knew his way around. He also met some of his teachers and his form tutor. Would this be possible for your DD? Also, will she be able to attend an 'introductory day' with other children before starting? My DS did this and made a new friend on that day who is now his best friend.

A week before DS's first day at the new school, I started bringing his bedtime forward and waking him up earlier every day, so that by the time it was his first day, he was used to waking up at 7am (he is a night owl when left to his own devices). I also asked other parents at the school about 'trendy' bags and made sure I bought him one (it had to be a Gola messenger bag - very uncool to have a backpack, apparently ). This meant that he felt 'cool' on his first day. We also practised the walk to school and timed it, so that we knew exactly what time DS had to leave in the morning. I arranged for him to walk with a former school friend, so that he had a companion.

It didn't work out for DS, but he has a lot of issues which made school extremely stressful for him. It was definitely worth trying, if only to prove to us that HE was what he needed for the moment. And he has gained a wonderful friendship from the experience too.

I'm sure that if your DD is positive about going back and has made the choice herself, she will do very well. All children find starting secondary school hard-going, though, so I would be prepared for ups and downs after the initial novelty wears off.

In the meantime, enjoy your HE days together .

Congratulations to your daughter on getting the place she wants! Is it Year 7? That should be a good time to start, because everyone else will be new too. My dd went to school at the end of primary so I don't have huge amounts of helpful advice.

However, this year I have been spending an hour a week in the car receiving plenty of advice on all aspects of secondary school from a girl who never stops talking and hasn't noticed that dd and I are less fascinated by the details of her school career than she is, LOL. Here are some tips from her.

Buy the bare minimum of gear beforehand, so your daughter can suss out what is cool. If you buy her the wrong coat it will sit unworn in the cupboard all year while she begs you for a different one. Even school uniform is not as straightforward as the naive parent might think. Exactly how long does a fashionable girl wear her skirt? Are there optional uniform items which she wouldn't be seen dead wearing? As Toffee suggests, get some insider information on these things.

If she needs any help, even just directions to the music block, she shouldn't bother asking anyone in Y8 or Y9. They will be busy lording it over the new arrivals by ignoring them. Ask a much older pupil, or a teacher.

Don't worry, everyone else is nervous too!

Hope your daughter enjoys herself.

Good luck to your DD when she starts. I think start of secondary is probably one of the easier times to slot back in as everyone is starting together. If you don't use NC materials, it might be worth looking at some year 6 books/worksheets for English and maths to see whether you have covered the main stuff.

Although we HE our own DCs, I also teach in a secondary 2 days a week, so am aware of how difficult some year 7s find it. If a year 7 is lost, many older pupils will take a great delight in sending them in the opposite direction, so at my school I always suggest to new ones that they make sure they ask a prefect (they have different ties) or a mentor (they have badges). A lot of year 7s still need parental help with organisation - checking bags/homework/extra kit for PE/Art etc the night before - stuff like that.

We also have all new pupils in for 2-3 days in the summer term, so it might be worth phoning the school and finding out about this. It might also be worth seeing if there are any other pupils who are the only one from their primary as they won't know anyone either.

Thanks Tinuviel and Saracen for your replies they are really helpful. Some great insights into secondary life. Sorry it didn't work out for your DS Tinuviel, glad your DS is doing well Saracen. Will post back later with a few more questions - thanks so much for your input.

Sorry Saracen meant to say DD

Thanks Tinuviel great advice on last comment.
I made the mistake of posting when definitely not awake enough, sorry Toffee realise it was your DS who came out of school again - am going to drink large amounts of coffee now - thanks,

Thanks Coconutty -yes we are lucky as she has a good friend and neighbour who will be starting at the same time.

Toffee and Tinuviel - so sorry for mixing your names up earlier.

Toffee - great advice about the extra visits and progressively earlier bedtimes - already beginning this. I've got as much info as I can from our older DCs regarding being cool - hopefully she will be prepared in this aspect.

I guess my biggest worry is that no matter how much planning and safe-guarding we do the same issues that kept her out of school for the last few years will resurface. The new school, while being supportive have very clearly said her probability of staying in school long-term are not high on their past experience. I suppose I wanted to hear from people saying that this was not always the case to give us hope. I'm glad you still feel like it was worth trying even though it didn't work out for your DS, it makes me feel like we're doing the right thing even if it doesn't work out - thanks.

Saracen - is your DD still in school then? If she is, and if you don't mind me asking, did she have problems with the school environment before or was she home-ed solely through personal choice? Just wondered as returning to school could be more difficult depending on your initial reasons for home-ed. Totally get the stuff about the subtleties of uniforms - why is everything so complicated? Thanks again.

Tinvuviel - you have a lot of insight teaching in a secondary - lots of great advice.
We have been keeping up with NC as well as our own interests just in case DD wanted to go back to school. Out of interest do you see many children joining in Y7 after home-ed and if you do what have been the outcomes?

We are cautiously optimistic but have been given the impression that if a child has found the primary school environment difficult, there is very little chance of them settling at secondary. By the way, we do feel that we have made a massive effort concerning DD's difficulties and hang ups- she is definitely a more mature and confident child than she was 2 years ago, (oh the benefits of home-ed) but will it be enough?

Don't worry about the mix up . Sorry I couldn't give you a more positive story. If it helps, one of the teachers at my son's school said she had seen home-educated children return to school and cope brilliantly, so it does happen. I think the fact that your DD is keen on going back is very positive in iteself. I realise now that my son didn't want to go back at all, but he felt that everyone expected it of him, so he knew he had to try.

It sounds as if it would be important for your DD's new school to set up a support system for her, such as a good form tutor who is aware of her needs and can keep a close eye on her. I don't know what your DD's difficulties are, but measures such as allowing her a card to show if she needs to leave the classroom or a place to sit if she needs to calm down can be helpful. If she does begin to find it hard, you could ask the school if she could go part time for a while to help her get used to the new environment (this was offered to us).

I think it's also worth remembering that all Year 7 children find it difficult to settle at secondary school after the novelty of the first couple of weeks has worn off and that this is not necessarily a sign that your DD isn't coping, but a normal process of adjustment.

I hope it all works out well for your DD.

Hi Emphaticmaybe!

"Saracen - is your DD still in school then?"

No, she had been HE from the start and tried school around her tenth birthday just to see what it was like. That was a useful experience for her. She didn't love school or hate it, she just felt that it took up all of her time and on the whole she would rather be doing other things. I think if she'd been given the option of dropping into school from time to time whenever she felt like it then she might have carried on going.

I think some previously-schooled HE children want to return to school because they think they would like it. Others, like Toffee's son, have other reasons for wanting to go back which they may not be able to articulate to other people or may not even understand themselves. For example, a child who had been bullied at school and whose self-confidence has increased during a period of home education might want to go to school to prove she can hold her own and survive school; once she has proven this she may or may not stay on. Another child whose parents had removed him from school when he was desperately unhappy might want to go back in to see for himself from a position of strength and confidence whether it was really as bad as he remembered, and then come out again, demonstrating to himself that home education is a positive choice he has made rather than a decision someone else made on his behalf.

It's quite possible that going to school is a positive thing for your daughter to do at this time, and that it will be a useful experience even if she doesn't end up staying there. As long as both you and she feel OK about the possibility of her returning to home education, I doubt that trying school is a bad thing to do. Having a choice about whether to stay is very empowering and can make all the difference in how she experiences it.

Thanks Toffee and Saracen

I see where you are both coming from in terms of the motivation to return to school being linked to the chances of success.

When we decided to home-ed It was always with the idea to try again at secondary level. DD knows this but I hope we've made it clear that we will support her whatever the outcome.
She has stayed in regular contact with her old school friends and seems to have picked up on their vibe of excitement regarding secondary. She is really sociable and I think wants to be back part of that group. However, and this is a big but, she has always had a problem with formal educational settings ie nursery, school, swim lessons, Brownies, gym club. She is academically able, never been bullied, good circle of friends, had understanding teachers. The nearest we could get to understanding her extreme dislike and eventual phobia of these environments was that she has a fear regarding the expectations of others and not being able to perform in the way she feels is expected.
Once we understood this we realised HE was the best way forward. In the last 2 years she has learned to swim, is part of a drama group and involved in productions and really enjoys the mixed age environment of guides. She has continued with teas and sleepovers and is more sociable than ever.

We hope she does genuinely want to give school another chance, her fears have definitely lessened as she's matured, but there probably is some level of expectation from us that she must be aware of. We just want her to give school a real chance even after the novelty has worn off.

The school does have a good support system in place and pretty much seem willing to do anything we ask regarding flexibility for her. DD however, wants as little attention that would set her apart, as possible. We will have to get the balance right.
Thanks again for your input,