Has anyone home-edded from the start?

[mollysmum82]

DD is approaching 3 and although its early days I'm so worried about sending her to school. Although she chats happily and confidently to adults and older children when I'm there, the second I leave she is beside herself with tears. During a play date for example I can't go and make our guest a cup of tea without taking her with me. I don't mind this at all but I do worry about how she will cope when she has to be left. And even when I'm there with her she doesn't seem to like children of her own age - she won't go on a slide at soft play or in a ball pool for example if there's another child there. I love her so much and can't bear to ever see her upset. DH isn't worried at all and thinks sending her to preschool/school will really help her socially. Whereas I worry it will traumatise her! I'd love to know other's experiences, thanks so much.

Oh God, just take her out. If she's telling you she doesn't want to be there, this clearly, then pushing on through until she stops complaining teaches her that no-one listens when she is unhappy, and that what she wants and needs is less important than what other people want her to do. Bollocks to that.

Say to people "we'll try school when she's seven. She's just not ready yet." and then rethink when you get to seven. We found that "maybe at seven" line really useful for getting people off our backs. And by the time my oldest got to seven, everyone was totally used to us HEing and that being a big success, so no-one said "oy, you said you'd try school at seven!!!!"

I agree with following your instincts/gut. If it's take her out then take her out. You don't need to justify your decision to anyone. Most people, when they ask me if SmallBoy is at nursery or school (he just turned four and is quite tall, so folks have been asking about both institutions) just comment to him (and me) how he's "very lucky to stay at home with Mummy.". Personally I couldn't imagine sending my four year old somewhere he hated day after day (and I thought nursery was meant to be fun?).

I have seen children screaming for terms going into nursery and reception. Also children who have to be prised off Mum for the entirety of Primary school. They had friends, no-one was nasty to them in school, and the other children in the class were happy - it just didn't suit them.

I have 3 children and have worked in Pre -school so have experience. Basing a home ed decision on a child of 3 not wanting to go to pre-school/nursery is not really a good reason.
All my 3 have been upset when they first started pre-school and to be honest it is more unusual if they are not. They soon settle in and before you know it cannot wait to get there. Obviously there are cases when thus does not happen but overall most children find there feet and grow to love it.
You need to persevere if it is what you want for your child.Pre-school in my opinion is a lovely time for children and really helps with their confidence and independence.
My children needed it at 3. They were bored of being at home and
liked the structure it gave them.
So if you want your child to attend a pre-school/nursery and benefit in the way I have mentioned above persevere with it. It is hard at first and no mother wants to see their child upset, but it does not make you a bad mother and remeber most children are very adaptable.

I would go with your instinct and say it is doing damage. A lot of DCs cry but completely get over it once the mother has gone.
She doesn't sound ready. I would take her out and continue building her confidence. Have you got family who can help? Spend time with granny without you etc?
I don't think you can force these things.

It might be the wrong time or the wrong place. Bugger what everyone else says, you know her best- do you think it's the best thing for her? It can be hard deciding to go against the flow; some people take your decision personally and some people just can't think outside the box.

You know what's best for her.

completely agree with ommmward I quote "pushing on through until she stops complaining teaches her that no-one listens when she is unhappy, and that what she wants and needs is less important than what other people want her to do. " Well put. It does NOT teach children to tough it out it teaches them to stop complaining because it is pointless. It will not usually end up with a happy child.

A happy child is confident in themselves and confidence grows through feeling secure and loved. If she is secure now she will naturally become more outgoing as she tries things out, knowing she can return to where she feels safe if it all gets too scary.

Hi OP, I haven't read all the comments so sorry if I repeat what others have said:)
Firstly I would say she is very young, only 3, so you don't need to worry about school just yet. If she's not ready for preschool, don't send her. My daughter went to playschool at 3 and a half and though she was ok, I don't think she really enjoyed it until a year later. My son was very like the way you describe your DD and I tried to send him at 3. It was disasterous. He was that child screaming and holding onto door frames etc After 4 months (yep, I carried on trying for 4 months) I took him out. My DD finished playschool at 5 and we home schooled from then. My son is nearly 7 and it is only recently that he has started to do stuff without me. I've never forced him, though I did encourage him to do his swimming classes without me going in the pool. He could swim, I was the only parent in the pool & I went in for a year after he no longer really needed me, I then sat on the side for a period of time. When the new term started in Sept I told him I would go to the gallery with the other parents. He didn't protest, it went fine. Since then, he has joined Beavers too, and now also wants to go to football or karate. I knew my son very well, I gave him a lot of support but then when I felt the time was right, I gave him a little push.
I believe true independence is not something you can force. Children will do stuff when they are ready, and the trick is knowing when to encourage and when to keep quiet etc
Home educating has been wonderful for both my children. School is always there should we feel we need it, its not going anywhere.
Don't be put off by people who tell you they need to toughen up or that you are wrapping your child in cotton wool. It's rubbish, just do what you think is right for your child.

Just read a couple of comments about not deciding to home educate based on how she is right now kind of thing. I didn't just decide to HE because my son hated playschool, I already knew it was an option & something I was happy to commit to. HE'ing is a big commitment, but you don't need to decide any of this right now. Take things one step at a time.
If you don't send her to preschool, you can review it again in 6 months time. Then in a year, you can think about school.

I'm reading a book at the moment called 'the opposite of worry' by Lawrence Cohen (author of Playful Parenting). It's basically about helping anxious children deal with their anxieties. Whether or not you HE, it might be useful to find some strategies for helping your dd with her fear of separation