very upset

[hemumof4]

After much discussion I've managed to get my husband round to the idea of home ed. Took my ds1 out of school a week or so ago and dd1 is still there at mo with a view to taking her out end of this week. Had calls from school who even called my husband at work to ask for a meeting. I've already had a request from the head to meet up and declined. The thing is although i've made the decision I don't want them to put doubts in my mind as I feel sure from the vibes im getting they don't approve. Husband insists we should meet them and that these things need to be done and thinks they might be of help in some way.

I do not want him to go as he will simly pay lip service to all they say and they will confirm in his eyes all the fears he already has and he will back out from supporting me. He blatently thinks I wiont be able to manage. i feel so upset and tearful and really wish he at least was backing me 100 % sorry for gabble just so upset and crying eyes out and wanted help from people of experience x

Look, I don't have experience of Home Ed but I do have experience of husband - here's my advice - STICK TO YOUR GUNS.

Every man and his dog will have an opinion on this and many will be doubters but for the love of God, how will you know and how will your kids know if you don't at least try it?!

And another thing - schools wont disappear, never to be returned to, if this doesn't work out as well as you hope. It's a trial run (tell him) and if, after a year, it's obviously not working, THEN, go back to school life.

He probably just feels in 'free-fall' with it as it's outside his experience. Tell him to give it a chance and you'll reconsider school if it goes tits up BUT, he has to give it a fair amount of time because a few weeks isn't enough, so at least one year.

It doesn't matter a jot whether the school approves or not. Neither do the school have any right to contact you or your husband once you have de-registered your child. It's the school's legal responsibility to contact the LA and inform them that your child has been removed from the school roll.
There are loads of home edders who will give you support and advice here and on the Mumsnet FB group. Lots of them will have had to deal with husbands who are not quite swayed by the decision of their partners/wives to take the step to home ed.

"Husband insists we should meet them and that these things need to be done and thinks they might be of help in some way. "

Would it be worth showing your hubby a copy of the Elective Home Education :Guidelines for Local Authorities"?

These were written by the Government in 2007 to tell LAs what their responsibilities are in law and what they should do:

Section 3.8 states:
The school must delete the child?s name from their admissions register upon receipt of written notification from the parents that the pupil is receiving education otherwise than at school. However, schools should not wait for parents to give written notification that they are withdrawing their child from school before advising their local authority. Schools must make a return (giving the child?s name, address and the ground upon which their name is to be deleted from the register) to the local authority as soon as the ground for deletion is met, and no later than deleting the pupil?s name from the register. They should also copy parents into the notice to the local authority. Further information is available in Keeping Pupil Registers,13 the Department?s guidance on applying the regulations.

Section 2.4 states:
Parents are not required to register or seek approval from the local authority to educate their children at home.

and that section 3.6 state:
3.6 Some parents may welcome the opportunity to discuss the provision that they are making for the child?s education during a home visit but parents are not legally required to give the local authority access to their home. They may choose to meet a local authority representative at a mutually convenient and neutral location instead, with or without the child being present, or choose not to meet at all. Where a parent elects not to allow access to their home or their child, this does not of itself constitute a ground for concern about the education provision being made. Where local authorities are not able to visit homes, they should, in the vast majority of cases, be able to discuss and evaluate the parents? educational provision by alternative means. If they choose not to meet, parents may be asked to provide evidence that they are providing a suitable education. If a local authority asks parents for information they are under no duty to comply although it would be sensible for them to do so. Parents might prefer, for example, to write a report, provide samples of work, have their educational provision endorsed by a third party (such as an independent home tutor) or provide evidence in some other appropriate form.

That may help him to see that the schools responsibility ends once the deregistration letter is received by the school. You don't have to meet with the school -you don't have to even meet the LA.

They certainly won't be able to help-heck it would be a bit like asking a butcher for hints and tips about vegetarianism!
Schools don't know anything about the realities of home based education- most of the schools I have experience of in helping home educators, don't even know the law on HE!

To be honest I think its nothing to do with the meeting as such. he just wants them to confirm in his eyes all he thinks already which no doubt they will then he will feel more justified in saying no. he's already let slip that he ob said more to them than he is letting on as he said this morning there is still a place for him.
He wants to talk tonight about what to do but I think he has made up his mind. i guess you cant really go ahead if dh says no. Would get very nasty.www.mumsnet.com/te/11.gif

As the others have said the schools duty ends when you de register so don't let yourself be pressured into any meetings etc. I'm sorry your so upset what are your dp s reasons? Maybe if you talk more or agree to say a 6 month trial after which if he still disagrees you rethink? I don't know sorry I he my 4 year old son but am a single parent. I have had a lot of issues with family etc though who feel my decision is a bad one but now he's closer to 5 and doing great the objections have stopped. Good luck I hope you can work something iut

What about a compromise in which you agree to go along to the meeting with the school if your husband agrees to go meet local HE parents? That seems only fair. Point out that the school will know all about possible ways forward for your children within the school setting but do not know anything about HE. You aren't properly exploring all of the options if you and your husband don't go meet up with people who know about home education, namely those who have done it.

It may be that the school have to be seen to be doing the right thing in having a meeting with you. For all they know, in three weeks time you could be sueing them for misconduct or neglect. I don't think they'll try to put you off home ed but will try and be seen to have done all that they can for you. I suspect having one at school and one at home does not look good either as parents are being reminded of your decision when they see you every day and their will be some parents thinking the school may be bad.

No the school don't have to be seen to be doing any such thing Colleger
There obligation to the education of this child ends when they receive the dereg letter. The only thing else they should be doing is telling the LA.

There is no recourse to sue them, when a parent sends in a dereg letter, they are taking back responsibility to educate the child.

sigh I have known far to many schools try to put the family off home ed, tell them a load of cobblers about inspections and expectations and even threaten Social Services involvement where there are no welfare concerns, to believe the motive of the school will be for the good.