Telling family and friends

[purplypink]

Hi
I am new to mn but ive decided this will be the best place to start to gather information on HE!

Myself and my dh have decided that HE would be best for dd1 6, due to her missing 6 months of school due to illness last year, being unhappy in the school due to distractions, large charactors (shes very shy) and having teachers leaving/supply teachers. The main reason is that she is being bullied and the school dismissing it as her being over sensitive (she is, but she is still being a victim of bullying). And we would like to HE dd2 (4) she is currently using her 15 hrs at pre-school (which shes not keen on).

I am a childminder (work along side my mum) and was due to start my PGCE in september (due to other reasons I have not accepted my place) and my husband is a secondary teacher so we have educational backgrounds (not that this reflects on successful HE, as i understand!).

We know that this will be the best thing for our girls but we are unsure of how to tell my mil and fil, they are both 'old school' (lol) and lectures at university and i am very nervous about telling them incase the try to persude us against it (me and dh are very weak!!!!).

how did others approach this with family and the school?

sorry for the essay but its the first time we have spoken to anyone else about this! (have disscussed it with my mum as she works with me, she has never considered it an option but thinks we should give it a go).

x

There'll be different opinions on this I imagine.

My mum had recently retired from primary teaching when I started to home educate my son who is now nearly 19. In retrospect I answered far too many questions and tried to give far too much reassurance. Basically I felt responsible for providing her with a script when she talked to her partner, neighbours, relatives, former colleagues etc (what about exams/being normal/playground rough and tumble/learning to compromise/having to do things you don't want/getting your corners knocked off/how do they learn properly if you never TEACH them...)she always came back with doubts renewed.

Eventually I twigged that the only script she REALLY needed was "Fiona seems to think she's got it all sorted. I've tried to reason with her but She Won't Be Told so I suppose We Shall Just Have To Wait and See." On some level that was a huge weight off her mind.

Not sure if it helps though! I guess I'm saying hypnotise yourself and then practice smiling benevolently and saying some variant of "I'm more than happy to listen to your views and you know I welcome your input but I just thought I'd better make it clear that some things are non-negotiable and this is one of those things."

I agree with Fiona - you do not have to answer to other people. However, that can be easier said than done.

The school is the easy one - you approach it by giving them a deregistration letter. Your reasons for deregistering are none of their business and you do not have to discuss it with the school.

As your DC are so young and the older one has been ill, could you start by saying to family "we're going to use the next two years to build confidence and do X, Y and Z and then we'll review it. School will still be there if we decide she needs to go back in"? Sometimes, people are more accepting if they think you are not turning your back for ever. As you say, being a teacher is not particularly relevant to HE but you could practise saying "So are you suggesting that I was accepted on a PGCE but can't cope with educating two such small children? Seriously? You are joking, aren't you?"

Hi
I'd been researching HE for a few years before we took the plunge and I'd mentioned it alot to family and friends in abstract so I don't think anyone was surprised when we took the girls out (twin DD in yr 2). I'd prepared myself for the worst reactions but in actual fact it's been fine. My mum and dad were really supportive as were the in-laws. People do ask alot of questions but not through being critical, just interest i think...and NOONE asked "Is that legal?" or "What about socialisation?" which I was surprised about! I offer people some books/website links to look at which often shuts them up

My DH finds it harder to answer people's questions as he is less confident about HE and hasn't done all the research that I have.

Try not to let other's opinions affect how you feel, they are your children and you know the best thing for them. Ths forum is a fab place an I've foud it so supportive and helpful. Good luck :)

I'm kind of worried about this too - but family/friends knew we were on the point of removing our older (teen) boys from school several times, for various reasons, so it won't be a complete surprise that I'm already thinking of HE for our 16month DS4. I wonder if they are going to think it's a PLB thing (precious last baby)! I agree with the "school will still be there if we change our mind" comment, probably a good one for shutting people up.

Thank you so much for your advise. I think it will be a good idea to tell people that it's only a trial thing for a year or two to see how successfull it is. I know it will be, she has been of school the last few days with tonsillitis and mouth ulcers, and in the difference in her knowing that there is a chance she can learn in her own environment has been amazing. She is so willing to learn and inquisitive, that we both feel school is sucking the life out of her.

I will post next week when we have told my parents in law what we have decided!

Thanks again, I'm sure I will be turning to this forum a lot, whilst we find our feet!

X

I really think people do tend to respond better if they think it is just for a year or two than if they think you are committing to HE for the entirety of your children's school career.

I mean, few people would argue that school is essential for four year olds, given that many other countries get good results with a later starting age. Even five, six, seven is arguable. Just tell them that you don't think school is right for your child yet.

Then a few years down the line you present them with a happy, well-adjusted child who seems to be learning well and observe that you see no reason to change your plan just now, as HE has been such a success for your child so far.

I completely agree with Saracen- we tell anyone who asks that we plan to reassess the situation every year and keep an open mind and that usually helps. Also, when talking to anyone local I try to emphasise that we feel that it's the right thing for our children and our family rather than due to any perceived failing in the local schools or education system. I just think that quite often any challenges are made because parents feel that it's a direct criticism of their own decision... As far as our own parents are concerned, I suppose we got lucky! One set includes a retired primary teacher who loves the idea of HE and the other set decided that we're both weird a long time ago and so nothing surprises them! Good luck with yours!