Why has my little girls behavior gone down hill so much?

[mummyloveslucy]

I'm worried she's unhappy and doesn't have the communication skills to let me know why.
She'll be 7 in march but has some lerning difficulties and speech/language problems. She's usually very loving towards me and her dad but recently, she's just become very cold towards both of us. Perhaps me a lot more, as I'm with her most of the time.
She's been HE a year now and we took her out of school as her behavior was becomming so bad and she kept saying how unhappy she was. I'd say that her behavior recently is just as bad as when we first took her out of school.
She goes around huffing and making noises like a teenager, she says when she's with me "I wish I lived with Grandma, she lets me do whatever Iwant". She'll say this even if we've had a great day. Then she'll say the same thing to her Grandma apparently. "I wish I was with mummy, she helps me with drawing". It's like she's using emotional blackmail to get the very best deal for herself. Is she old enough to do that??
I know I shouldn't, but I do find it upsetting that she's rejecting me so much at the moment. Nothing has changed in her life that I can think of.
I just want to make her happy, but don't know how.
She's been seing her friend a lot more often over the past week. She's joined another group and enjoys that. She just goes on and on about when she's seing her friend again though. If I tell her after lunch, she'll ask about 100 times before she sees her.
If we say we like something and ask her oppinion, she'll always say no. She doesn't want to agree with us about anything.
Is this a tempory thing, or are we loosing the sweet little girl we used to know? Is there anything I can do?

Have you done anything at all to change how she is feeling as i know you were doubting your abilities to home ed before? have you talked about returning to school with her, or talkied about school to someone else?Something that may have made her feel panicky, or discussed things in front of her to do with you coping/managing her all the time. Children take in an awful lot more than we think, they pick up on our stresses, listen to conversations we have on the phone. Have a think.

bump

possibly just an age thing, because my nearly 7 year old (likely ASD) is exactly the same right now and it's very wearing!

am i right in thinking there was a school with a SEN unit that you were considering sending her to?

It could be that she's overheard me saying I need to have a break etc. I did talk about flexi schooling for her and she said o.k, until she realised she'd have to do work and not just play. Her behavior had been bad for a while by then though.
She did say to me after she'd been at her friends for a whole afternoon, "why did you leave me there so long?" I said I thought you were having fun...were you? and she said yes. It made me think a bit then. was she asking if I was trying to get rid of her?

i think it can be hard with children who have special needs if they compartmentalise their lives a lot,
ds1 does this and it means that school for him is a very separate thing to home. he doesn't like it if he sees people from school elsewhere, he won't talk about school at home etc etc. and the other way round too

i wonder if Lucy is struggling with you being a teacher and a mummy, and with home being school and also home?

do you have a work space set up somewhere so that that is the "school" area?
and set times each day when it is work time and you are "teacher mummy" instead of just regular mummy?
some kids just need that kind of structure.

i am wondering whether it's just getting a bit confusing for her and whether she is the kind of child who needs more rigid structure and routine to her life?

It could be an age thing my dd is 8 and has said and done pretty much all the things you mentioned. In fact you summed it up so well she manioutlates to get the best deal for herself.
It did disappear for a little while but has come back again with avengance since she turned 8.
Sorry not much help I know.

We also see mu mum once a week, who often says things like "you look exhausted", or "I really think you should think about school" etc, etc. She doesn't always think before she speeks. She's never had a strong relationship with Lucy. She really does want to be close to her but Lucy doesn't.

I will try the more structured approach. At the moment, there isn't a great deal, other than she has to do her work in the mornings as she has no concentration in the afternoons. She only has 3 things I like her to do every day. Speech therapy, Brain gym and piano. The first two are done in the living room and the piano is in her room.

She obviously does a lot of other things as well, but these are the only 3 things I try to insist on. Everything else is suggestions or activities chosen by her.

I'm off to wok very soon, but I'll have a look in the morning.

I really like reading this HE (Waldorf) blog for the different stages that children go through at different ages. She writes a lot about 6 year olds and why they can suddenly seem really difficult!

theparentingpassageway.com/category/development/age-six/

Hi

Are you still working nights?

Hi,
I can see by your other posts that you arranged to go and look at some schools with Lucy to see if they could cater for her needs. Did you follow through with that? My feeling at the moment are that you need help You are tired, doubting your abilities to home ed, thinking home ed one minute, school the next. Until you can work through your own feelings about where is best for Lucy, I think the stress will just continue. Your daughter has a lot of needs and sometimes we need to ask for help.

School could work for Lucy with Support the same as Home ed could work very well for her, but I think it needs to be 100% one or the other. With you fully onboard of the choice you make. Sticking for a certain period of time with your choice as it can be very unsettling for your little girl.

If you are seriously considering school you could be very lucky and find her a supportive environment where she thrives. I would be tempted to write and ask for a statutory assessment to see if she was eligible for a statement.If she didnt get awarded one Im sure she would be on school action plus if she has bowel issues.

Please try and get some support from someone, family, friends.

Hi mummyloveslucy,
A couple of things jump out at me. firstly, you arent 100% about HE. Lucy will pick up on this and could feel insecure. Kids like to know whats happening and often act out if feeling insecure, well my kids certainly do anyway. Secondly, it also sounds like (and especially as she has experienced school) she could be needing more structure. We have a rythmn to our daily life and also a kind of weekly rythmn. So we do do certain things like swimming, baking, library visit, HE group on set days. We also do projects (things the kids show interest in) and we plan craft, science, writing, geography etc around the theme. Its all hands on, fun stuff. In terms of 3R's I follow their lead. They have workboxes with fun activities relevant to their ability in and they can choose to do these with me if they want. I also put the odd workbook in there, and they do do it now and again. We read together after lunch every day (me to them atm) with a cup of hot choc.
I have put more structure in place because to begin with we were very very free flowing and laid back and DD seemed depressed & was irritable and moody and like you said, didnt seem to want to be with me. DD is really happy now, and I think our lives are really balanced between stimulation and relaxation. Dont know if any of that is helpfull!