home ed now just started school, i hate it, dd not keen on structure

[pinkkoala]

i have home taught my dd now nearly 7 at home for two years, yes she was behind academically than those children that went to school.

everyone was on at me to get her in school, so this is her third week now, she doesn't want to go in the mornings. the teachers wanted her to do full time to start i said no as she wasn't used to it, did get abit of resistance from head and her year teacher, they seem to want everything there way and we have no control over it, which i hate.

beginning to wish i had stuck to my guns and kept her at home, can i go back to home ed if we want to, her dad will go along with whatever i want, he will back me either way.

the reason i liked home ed was because it was flexible, not as structured. i feel as if the teacher is gainst me as i did home teach.

what are my options now.

You just do a deregistration letter, hand it in tomorrow (instead of your daughter) with a big smile and "it didn't work out for her this time - maybe when she's older"

as omm said, you just need a dereg letter to hand in.
In law it's always your responsibility to make sure your child is educated to their age, aptitude and ability........and if you feel that she is best suited to home education, then you are definately fulfilling your responsibilities.

make your child's day-send that letter in tomorrow!

Pink,

Since your daughter is behind the other children in schoolwork she may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if she has yet to make firm friends. Give her time! Perhaps at the end of term invite the input of her teachers and, with your daughter, make a decision how to proceed.

Assuming you're in England, you can pull her out just by deregistering if you both feel it was the wrong choice.

But maybe you need to think round why you decided to send her to school before you jump? Was it just that family were getting at you, or did you think that she really needed something different from what you were doing at home?

She may need a little longer to get settled, school is bound to be an odd experience when everyone else is used to it and you start for the first time. And it sounds like its been a difficult experience for you too, when they expect to do things their way instead of being flexible. But when they have hundreds of children to consider they tend to think it is up to you to adjust to them rather than the other way round.

If she hates it and you think it was a bad idea then do pull her back out. But you need to then think about why you wanted to try school, and whether there are things you want to adjust in your HE.

I agree that 3 weeks is not long to give her a chance to settle. I'd give it at least half a term, if not a term before making any decisions.

I can sympathise! My daughter was the same age when she went to give school a go. It lasted half a term: whilst she made friends, she HATED the work, as she hated being forced to write, especially about stuff she had no interest in. (She reads fluently, just takes a while to write:not a problem at home.)
Academically she was also pitched as being behind: it made her feel useless and stressed. She is the brightest girl, just not in the way school wanted!

I wish I had not made her stay the entire time: she was increasingly not happy. Luckily it wasn't long before she felt ok about questioning everything again, and writing as and when she feels confident enough about things!

Good luck!

Oh, and everything Ommmward and Julie said too!

It is difficult to know how long to give it before deciding it isn't working out.

I think seven can be a difficult age for a home educated child to start school, especially if, like my older dd, she has been allowed to take a relaxed approach to learning to read - is that the case for your dd? There is an increasing focus on reading at school and their academic success is largely judged on their progress in this one area.

This is one reason why I discouraged my dd from trying school when she wanted to at that particular age: she was very sensitive and I knew she would be quite upset at being "behind" at reading, even though she was quite good at other things. She became a fluent reader at the age of nine and went to school about a year later, which worked very well for her academically.

We agreed that she would do an entire term at school before deciding whether to continue, because I wanted her to be quite sure of what she wanted and not yo-yo in and out of school frequently: she's the sort of child who often hankers for what she doesn't have! Her dad and I agreed privately, without telling her, that if she was deeply unhappy at school we'd let her come out sooner. Making her do a whole term seemed like a good idea at the time but now I think perhaps it was unnecessary in her case. She told me on day three that although she could put up with school and would stick to the one-term agreement, she was sure she wouldn't be carrying on after Christmas. She never wavered from that opinion.

I guess it depends on the individual child and the reasons why school seemed like a good idea and the reasons why she now dislikes school. In some cases it might be easy to see after just a few days that a return to HE is the way to go, but in other cases it might take months to be sure of that.

Good luck figuring it out. It is a difficult decision. But whatever you do now, you can still change later.

I'd deregister. The problem as I see it is that being labelled as "behind" at this age is going to have a knock on effect that could last for years, as could the emotional trauma of being made to go somewhere each day she hates. I see lots of home ed children who would be terribly behind by school standards at 7, or even 10. These children usually have a relaxed approach at home to education. But time and time again by their teens you wouldn't know the difference.

If she hates it, what have you got to gain by keeping her there? To appease other people? Take her out and stick to your guns.

Many of my DDs friends were completely unable to read at 10 - would be in serious special needs ed at school. Now, they are all reading like adults (some seemingly overnight), and, slightly gallingly, some have better spelling and grammar now than DD2 who was pushed educationally in school from 4.

If her dad will back you, you're the only two people other than your DD whose opinion matters. The three people who count in this all seem to be happier or as happy with home ed. Do it and harden your heart to the rest of the world. :)

it has been a while since i last sent a message.

she has gone back after half term, this week has been the hardest week ever, she is distressed every morning, not having breakfast, going to the toilet mabe twice before we go, she came home upset last week. she had asked the teacher for help as she was struggling and got told that if she had any more help the teacher may as well do it herself. we have put in a complaint about this.

she is getting all panicky and dreading school, we have spoke to the teacher and she told me that dd is behind and that she is old enough to know she is behind and is struggling, not like the other kids. i don't think that is the attitude a teacher should have, iasked if she could have a bit of extra help and was told no as they don't have the time or resources.

any ideas.

That sounds very hard for her.

What's the other side of the coin: what reasons do you have for thinking it may be worth carrying on with school despite your daughter's unhappiness there?

Sounds like at the very least that school is not working for her. The teacher is not sympathetic to her background and seems possibly to be punishing her for being HE.

I would seriously consider either another school or back to HE - assuming that is an option.

Sorry this isn't working out very well for you all.

What were your reasons for moving to school ? Do they still hold up ? If it was just external pressure from people not directly involved then that is probably worth discounting.

I would take her out, if she is not getting any help and she may be picking up on your stress, you might take the issue up with the head teacher. If you want her to stay in school, then they need to work out a plan to help your child. I must add though, I have used the 'if I do any more for you' with my own home ed children, he hates writing.