Family concerns

[MrsKrbnr]

Still on my quest to persuade DH to HE. HesFes was not resounding success in that regard (although fun) but kick started more conversations which is good.

I have a question to ask of you all. (Actually I have tons but I try and restrict myself) My MIL and FIL have their concerns about HE but are reasonably open-minded and really quite lovely people. My brother-in-law however is vehemently against the whole idea - even though it is none of his business and he is entirely ignorant of any educational theory beyond the fact his girlfriend's sister is doing a PGCE - and has sent a text to DH stating his opinion that it is all about me not the girls. Am pretty peeved in quite a few different ways.

Has anyone else had this charge (as it feels) levelled against them, and if so what did you say in response? I am torn between rising above and ignoring it and replying to his erroneous concerns.

Thanks

There was a recent thread on here somewhere - people arguing that sending the bright middle class students to private schools instead of the local failing schools is brain drain from the community - that MC parents should be sending their kids local despite school performance, putting their own time and energy into improving the system etc - no time to look for thread now. Anyway I've heard the argument from several IRL friends - lefty old Labour types (Interestingly they happen to live near decent schools...hmmm...)

Of course it's possible HEers can be narcissistic, overprotective, overcontrolling, etc. Some of the more hardcore religious school-at-homing worries me etc - I've never said I can't admit that HE could possibly damage a child. What I've said is that the accusation is very common, but the reality is rare. But because the accusation is made so often, I can't automatically believe someone on the internet who claims they know someone causing significant harm through HE, without doing a bit of probing.

And then...the question is how we define significant harm wrt HE. Who gets to define it. And whether and when we have the right to intervene through legislation etc. I wouldn't want a religious state educating my children so I have to accept the rights of fundamentalist religious families educating their children at home instead of in the (so-called, because it's not actually) secular system.

It's like breastfeeding. I am a sustained BFing lactavist - so understand that many, many women are accused of breastfeeding older babies for their own benefit :( It's a myth that needs addressing. Saying that, I know one woman who is attempting to keep her child breastfeeding despite the child being in the process of self-weaning. She says she is doing it because of the immunological benefits, but I am sceptical as she could of course just pump. I think her self-concept and sense of self-worth is so tied up in being a breastfeeder, she can't let go. I think her child needs to know she is supported in becoming independent.

Found it!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1264377-Private-school-or-bigger-house/AllOnOnePage

Posts by Spudulika in particular, mid-thread.

I have seen similar-but in practice people do the best for their DC. Those that are adults and were sent by politically motivated parents to poor schools tend to be deeply resentful.
I think that parents should keep their own philosophies out of education. There is only one question-which school suits my DC best-or does school suit my DCs at all. I am very anti grammar schools, but if I had a DC who would be best suited by one I am not going to sacrifice him for my ideas. You have to take each DC; within the same family you may well have DCs who need different schools, or where one is suited to HE and one is suited to school. We once looked into sending one DC to a private school, the state system coped in the end, but we would have done it if necessary-and left the others in the state school where they were very happy.

Perhaps rather than keeping your own philosophies out of educational (or any parenting) decisions, it's about being flexible enough that your philosophy can evolve to incorporate the realities of your real life/children, as opposed to your utopian ideals...

I have had major shifts in thinking about certain things, that I would never have anticipated. I think most of us can say that - it starts with the shock of motherhood, and never stops!

Quite right there dearth! My biggest shock was finding out that DCs were not 'a blank sheet' but they had set personalities and ideas from day one! This is why I think that you have to respond to the DC you have and not the one you want. If you are lucky you can keep your philosophies-I just think that you have to be flexible to amend them-therefore keep questioning yourself-things are never static.

Wow what an interesting read this thread has been, thanks everyone! I thought I was just going to be told to grow a thicker skin...(which obviously I should). After a bit of thought after my initial rant I realised this was more about my relationship with BIL. It could have been about any subject, there are many we don't and won't see eye to eye on. I should be used to his negativity but this is a subject close to my heart. Food for thought.

Dearth I loved reading your posts! Seeker, believe me I have been ? examining my motives?. I am still in the ?not sure? camp for so many reasons. I wish it were a simple decision but it?s not. Neither is sending them to school though. Thanks everyone for debating. I love this board. I don?t get on the laptop very often hence the delay in responding. I?m usually at work or on phone which is only good for one or two lines. I have lots more questions for next time!

Cheerio, keep up the good work on this board for us lurkers

My biggest shock was finding out that DCs were not 'a blank sheet' but they had set personalities and ideas from day one! This is why I think that you have to respond to the DC you have and not the one you want. If you are lucky you can keep your philosophies-I just think that you have to be flexible to amend them-therefore keep questioning yourself-things are never static.

I 100% agree with that. I read a lot about home education, and I really like what Charlotte Mason (C.19th education pioneer) writes:

"Children are born persons...

respect [is] due to the personality of children, which must not be encroached upon, whether by fear or love, suggestion or influence, or undue play upon any one natural desire...

a child's mind is no mere sac to hold ideas; but is rather, if the figure may be allowed, a spiritual organism, with an appetite for all knowledge. This is its proper diet, with which it is prepared to deal, and which it can digest and assimilate as the body does foodstuffs."