Wow, sorry if my mention of knowing someone who worries me added to anyone feeling defensive, but stereotypes emerge through extremes existing, however overplayed they are.
Dearth, I can understand you find it to be just a damaging myth without basis if you?ve never met anyone like this, but sadly I have. I don?t believe acknowledging that is damaging to h/e, but do believe ignoring it is. If it helps, I know several children who are sent to the school system entirely to meet parental needs, even though it?s clearly not in their children?s best interests, educationally or socially, and I?ve already admitted to having been one.
The children of the mum I referred to, are increasingly unhappy and prevented from learning much. They want consistent friendships and a more academic provision than is encouraged, allowed, or felt needed, regardless of how it?s provided. Mum wants temporary ?playdates? and them to be at a far younger more dependant stage than they are, and restrict their interests to hers. Their futures have been pre decided, and are focussed around not having reasons to leave home. She?s no life outside them, nor desire for one and expects their adulthood to change little. They?ve had first schools, then ?academically focused? h/e, then autonomous h/e, systematically sabotaged. It isn?t a normal h/e situation, imo.
There?s a great deal more, but it comes down to everything that isn?t direct and only from her, is disrupted, shrunk and destroyed, because of her unusual feelings about all things. That?s why I believe h/e?s being used to benefit her needs, rather than the children?s, just as her actions and reactions at their schools were all about her, not their happiness or success. If she can?t continue what she?s doing here, she intends going abroad. This is one family out of over 100 I know, that I find myself judgemental about.
The vast majority of elective H/edders I know are fabulous, and generally both parents and kids are having a ball, and developing well doing what they?re doing, in a variety of ways, and I wish I?d known about h/e earlier because we?d definitely have had a great deal of fun, but we came to it late carrying baggage and ran with what we had. I hope I don?t come over as being a martyr. I love what my son?s doing, and am very proud of him, but it is very difficult for us, so apologies if I do. (my G/children are now being electively h/e, so it can?t be that bad. )
I put my hands up to not being aware that h/e was ?known as not allowed to be fun? and that it ?s ?an old chestnut?, I honestly didn?t know that, but can see it could be, once said.
Just for the record: from my perspective happy elective home edders are the life blood that help the ?backfooted? develop and I?m very grateful as well as inspired by those who made the choice positively, and enjoying life and childhoods, has to be one of the most positive reasons ever.
Now my son?s finally doing well, the constant question is: ?oh he?s doing really well, when?s he going back to school?? It?s funny and very telling, and yes, the response goes down badly. Now we?re doing A levels, mature wise h/e folk are shaking their heads too. I?m listening carefully and taking on board their experience and knowledge, but will do whatever we reckon is in his best interests.
I?d suggest one good reason why particularly examine our motives/reasons when deciding to h/e or not, (and to what level) is because most of us are going to come up against constant assumptions and criticisms, and sometimes others who worry us, and self awareness allows us to h/e happily and confidently in that atmosphere, and hopefully change it.