I'm not sure HE is working for us, is there anything I can try?

[mummyloveslucy]

My daughter is 6 years old and has SEN's. I find it very hard being around her 24/7. All she wants to do is watch DVD's or imaginary play either on her own or with me. She is very bossy while playing with me and wants me to play exactly her way and gets frustrated if I do something wrong. I find this so frustrating and booring that I tend to say no to it and direct her on to something else. She only wants to include me if I follow her rules and it's also extramly repetative.
She talks almost non stop and gets very frustrated if I don't understand what she's saying or don't respond exactly how she thinks I should.
If I set up some drawing things or painting etc, she's had enough within about 10 minutes then I have all the mess to clear up.
I just feel trapped and isolated when I'm with her all day. I tend to need plenty of time alone, to have my own thoughts etc. I used to write stories for her, but can't find the time now. As soon as she's in bed, I'm knackered!
I wish I enjoyed it more and I feel I'm letting her down as I know she's probubly bored. We do go out most days but I dread comming home. Everything is a battle. We aren't doing any formal learning until she's older, but she does have her Brain gym she has to do and speech therapy. Getting her to do these things is a nightmare! Even getting her dressed, brushing teeth, changing her, you name it it's a battle.
I wish I had more patience and could enjoy the time we spend together more. I love her more than life it's self, so why does it irritate me so much to have her around?
I'm going to try to find a childminder who will have her for 1 day a week, but if that isn't enough I'm not sure. I really don't want to send her back to school as she was so unhappy, and I honestly don't think it'd do her any good at all. I really want this to work and enjoy spending time together, but I'm finding it very hard.

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My heart goes out to you. My DD, almost 8, flexi-schools half days due to physical disabilities. She talks constantly, sticks like glue to me, always wants to be on to the next thing but never concentrates long enough on anything IMO, very tiring keeping on trying new ideas. And me, I'm like you, I need my own space to think (and am not getting it!!). Today was definitely a bad day, but I sit back and think that despite all things the opportunity to spend time with her, to catch the good times, to see her grow is one that I know is precious. Looking back I will be grateful to have had it. I try not to think that I'm failing her as full-time school made our whole family's life miserable. I always think that raising children is a long-term thing, I keep looking at where ultimately I want her to be, and keep putting in the small steps to get there. I guess I just wanted to say that it can be very hard going for a while and to hang in anyway. Still hanging myself...

Thank you. I did feel a bit like I was the only one who has this problem. All the people at the groups we go to seem to love HE. Most of them have more than one child and I think that makes a difference too.
When I feel disheartened, I'll read a bit of my home school family hand book. It re enforces what good HE will do for her and I'll look at the benefits long term. I'll try a child minder first and see what difference that makes. Maybe if I have some time to myself once a week, I won't crave it as much when I'm with her and might be more patient and tollerant.

MummyLovesLucy, I think some of what you describe is a function of her being 6 and the only child. Also, you are still relatively close to the school experience. I agree with FlyingSeagull that sometimes you just have to hang in there. It will end; she will grow up; you just have to find some way of getting through the hard bits.

On the "everything being a battle" - my older one was a bit like that. Would it help to have a "timetable" on the wall that shows a fixed (but achievable!) time for doing all the things that have to be done? Or a list with blu-tacked ticks so that she can tick off the things as you do them and then you move the ticks off each evening for the next day?

Do you have a DP or GPs who could give you a break?

I agree that a lot of it is just about being 6 and you being the only person to play with a lot of the time. I remember DD2 at that age with imaginary play - it was just as you describe! i had to do exactly what she said and if I made the character I was allotted do anything of my own accord I was roundly told off! I used to dread doing it!
Interestingly, listening to her play with her peers at that age, they were all the same. Used to just sit there trying to boss each other as to who said what etc!

Likewise the talking non stop and expecting you to respond immediately and in the right way, and the getting bored after 10 mins. She will grow out of all this and this sort of thing will get easier, I promise. It just takes time.

In the meantime, see if you can get some support, a childminder for a while, a babysitter so you can get out, relatives.

One thing I find a lifesaver is sending mine to other people for some of their work. This ranges from clubs and music lessons to willing relatives. It's surprising how many people have an interest of some sort. Find some willing to paint or read to her or talk about their childhood (history) and you have part of the curriculum covered into the bargain, as well as a much needed break.

I hope it gets easier; I think it will if you hang in there.

I agree with everyone else!! My older daughter was very hard work when she was four and five, just as you describe, and was just starting to get a bit better at six. It's why I have such a big age gap between my kids!! I couldn't really imagine dealing with that and looking after a baby too.

I was quite lucky in that around age 6/7 she started doing loads of playdates, which helped enormously. She also started going to HE childminders for a few days a week while I worked from home, which suited both of us brilliantly. She liked the variety, going to different people's houses and seeing other children, and I liked being alone some of the time!

There were also a few clubs and classes she went to where I stayed, but at least I could read or just enjoy not interacting for an hour. Those were great.

Getting out of the house also helped make things less intense - but handing dd over to other people sometimes was the real break!

Just a small thing but "If I set up some drawing things or painting etc, she's had enough within about 10 minutes then I have all the mess to clear up." - why do you clear up the mess? A 6yo (even with SEN) should be old enough to help with setting up and tidying away - it sounds ike you are doing all of it and resenting that, when you could just make it a rule from now on that getting stuff out and putting it away is something that she has to join in with.

I agree with AMIS. However, I also wonder if it would be worthwhile considering if you can leave some of the stuff out? For example, if you get out drawing things and she does it for 10 mins, could you leave it out while you do something else (lunch, Brain Gym, go out, etc.)? You may find that she decides to do some more later if it is there. Lots of the same stuff for 10-15 mins at a time might work better for you.

[I do realise you might not want to do that for paint or anything really messy.]

Thanks everyone, I'm relieved to hear that it will get easier! I will leave out activities for her, although the only things she can do on her own are draw, imaginary play and play dough.
I actually really enjoy reading to her too. That way, she is always calm and listens to me. I also get to cuddle her as she sits on my knee.

I should involve her with more of the tidying and putting away. I know it's easier for me to do it, but you're right, she should be getting in to the routeen of helping a bit more. She finds washing up fun as well, although I never involve her. It takes so long, but maybe that's someting I could do with her far more often.

I also find being at home with her easier if she has a friend around to play with. Se has a very good HE friend who's 6 months younger who has a 9 year old sister. Both the girls are absolute dream children! They have always been HE and are so happy, friendly, polite etc, etc. The only problem is, they are never free to play. The mum has two older sons as well and they are always very bussy with different activities or working at home. Maybe I could sugest to te mum that I'd have her girls around to play at ours while she spends time with the boys? I could try, I know Lucy would love that.

My DH works full time, and I work nights. Grandparents have her while I sleep during the day, but I wouldn't feel it was right to ask them to have her any more than that. My MIL has got her today, as I'm on holiday from work and need to get the house tidy as we have an O.T comming tomorrow.

I will look for a child minder for now, involve her with the cleaning/tidying and try all the things that have been mentioned. In the mean time, I'll keep telling myself It won't last forever.

Hi she sounds like my DS 7 he too is very bossy when i am trying to teach him lol and it is hard work because he likes everything to be his idea.Wher abouts are you in Devon.