deferring entry...

[feelingpeckish]

hello,

for various reasons i'm deferring entry to primary school probably until april. i tihnk it's fine - we'll go along to the HE local group, but there are lots of other classes the kids already attend: music, dance, swimming etc.

I'm sure it's the right deciosn. But I keep getting other parents telling me i've made a mistake and how hard it will be to reenter school later and socialise with established groups etc.

I think it's doable. But I thought some of you might have had experience.

Have the other parents actually had the experience they are predicting for you?I guess the answer is no. Unless they have a crystal ball they could do better by not commenting.

It doesn't say much for the social skills of the social groups if they cannot welcome new members....Yes, I'm feeling particularly grumpy this evening.

I think the most important thing is your children being happy and thriving, whatever environment they happen to be in. Make your judgements based on their chatting, play and general health, (both mental and physical). Listen to parents you respect and who encourage you. It's your call, not theirs :)

My arguments are as follows:

What TooJung said: if school is an environment which is so unwelcoming to newcomers, maybe it is not somewhere I want to send my child at all. The neighbour kids aren't so unwelcoming, nor are the kids at the children's centre or the home ed group, so maybe I'd rather keep my child in a healthier environment. (I don't actually think primary school children are at all unwelcoming, but if I thought they were then I'd hesitate to send my child there.)

Nobody worries about children joining nursery at different stages of the year. Why should it be so much more difficult to join a class of four year olds in April than to join a class of three year olds in April?

People tend not to think that moving house and therefore changing schools will going to be the end of the world socially, and reassure each other about how adaptable children are and how easily they settle.

Four and five year olds are often very changeable with their friendships anyway. How many Reception children end the year with the same set of friends they started with?

Far from being exclusive, I think many young children crave novelty and will be curious about the new kid. That was my dd's experience when she started school: they all flocked around her hoping to gain a new friend.

Most of the children I know who started school later than usual have had no trouble fitting in. I'm sure I know more children who started school "late" than the person who's doubting my decision, so they'll have to accept that I have more experience of this than they do. If they say that they knew of a child once who started school late and didn't settle, there are answers to that too: 1. It makes no sense to draw conclusions from just one child: I'm sure I could point to a September starter who had trouble settling in too! 2. Perhaps the child started late because her parents already knew she was shy/unconfident/immature or just generally not well suited to school, in which case she would have struggled whenever she started school; by waiting until she is that bit more confident and mature, her parents have given her a slightly better chance of adapting to school without trauma.

I think what these other parents are telling you is why they lack the confidence to do anything other than the norm, because of imagined problems which they have thought up which could conceivably happen. You are better off making decisions which you have reasons to make now, instead of worrying about what might possibly happen in the future - you have reasons why you have decided to defer - those are actual reasons based on your knowledge of your child. The other parents hypothetical reasons why it could all go wrong if you don't conform are meaningless.

The same parents who say "Oh it could be difficult to break into existing friendship groups" would probably also tell you not to worry if you had just moved into the area and wondered if your child would fit in, having joined the school in Y1 or 2 or whatever.