What do you tell people who put you on the spot by saying "Give me a run down of your HE day?

[mummyloveslucy]

My 6 year old daughter has special needs and therefore see's three different therapists each week. This is the second time I've been asked to give a run down of our day and outline what I do with her. It is annoying as I always sound so vague. If I listed everything we do in general, I'd be there all day, but no two days are alike either. I say that we don't really follow any set plan and that every day is different. This therapist looked at me like she was expecting more, so I listed some of the games we play that help with listening etc.
I've only been HEing for a term so I'm not really as confident as other HEers. When ever some one asks me that question, especially a specialist, it always makes me feel a bit un easy. I feel that I should be doing more formal learning, although deep down I know that Lucy isn't ready for that and it'll be far better to leave it until she's ready. I just don't feel confident to say that to a therapist. I could go on to say that there is no evidance that early formal learning has any benefit to the child long term, but that kind of sounds defencive doesn't it?
I'd like to be able to give an answer to the question that is acurate, not defensive or emotive but lets them know that I am doing the best I can for my daughter after plenty of research on the subject.
What do you experienced HEers say to that question?

I suppose it's because the vast majority of people expect children to be formally taught from a very young age. The thought of putting it off until they are at least eight years old horrifies them. They think the child will fall behind dramatically. Convincing them otherwise isn't going to be easy at all as that is the opinion of the majority. It's also hard to stick up for your way of educating, while not offending other peoples choices to send their children to school.
I suppose I'm terrified of offending anyone, yet a lot of people see it as acceptable to question my choices and say things like "aren't you worried about socialisation?". I'd never dream of saying to someone who chose to send their child to scool, "aren't you worried about bullying?" Anyway rant over, I've had a hard day, can you tell??

bump

I say it is like summer holidays or the weekends, so chatting and playing. I give a big smile and say it's fun! I also point out that ds2 is so much happier overall. They can hardly complain about that.

The people asking usually have no real interest in the answer as they are not just about to home educate. I try to make sure I do not get myself boxed into feeling I have to defend and explain something I am still in the middle of learning about. Once I am out the other side I will be more specific about what we did or didn't do to those who ask.

Yes, this is even worse than "going anywhere nice on holiday" type of question!

I remember a radio interview I once did where the guy asked "so what would a typical day look like?" and I reeled off the 9am waking, Theo showing me on the computer what he'd been working on late at night after I'd gone to sleep, the weekly trips to the-local-cafe-with-the-Leonard-Cohen vibe to read Guardian Technology (back when this still came with the newspaper)...

By this time the interviewer was spluttering with indignation and hyperfocusing on Theo GETTING A LIE-IN EVERY DAY. I said it might help if he thought of it like being a student or being self-employed and working from home, but the guy just couldn't get past the fact that we didn't start at 9am.

Err sorry this is almost certainly no help whatsoever!

I once said something similar to my SIL who looked at me very strange and said "so you don't teach her anything?" She looked horrified! I said that she was learning all the time and se said "how?" I did try to explain but she wasn't having any of it.

When my older dd was little (and now with the younger one) I say we are following the Scandinavian model where there is no formal learning before age 7, and children learn through play before that, mentioning that their long-term educational attainment is at least as good as the UK. A lot of people are vaguely familiar with that. Somehow they seem able to relate to that because a national programme feels less radical than some daft idea of the home educating loonies, LOL.

If people ask what the older one is doing now, I say every day is different and then, like Fiona, I give an example of a really good day! I also take advantage of the fact that my dd tried school for a term last year. I can point out that autonomous education has obviously worked for her, since she had no difficulty fitting in and keeping up with the work at school after giving the previous five years of formal education a miss.

I have found that it helps if I set out at the beginning that I'm trying to achieve something different from the norm and also to flag up that my son is a bit erm unusual which kind of forestalls criticism [duh it isn't MEANT to be an apple so why would if be a problem if it didn't look like an apple etc] so eg I say "well of course my objective is to help Theo grow so he can function as an effective adult and he reacts very strongly to bad experiences so we build on his strengths and sort of come at it sideways if there's an area where he has a problem"

This is why barrister Ian Dowty always says set out what you want to achieve, because that gives the context and framework to any subsequent explanation of what you do and how you do it.

I reply that we learn all the time, it's not 'by the clock'. Also try asking their children 'What did you do at school today?' - bet they say 'Can't remember' ............. I found the more you bang on about how great Home Ed is, the more they expect you to justify it. We've just learnt about Longshore Drift - I have been told by one Mum that that is pointless as it's a year 7 subject and my son is just 7. Derr - the point is he was interested and we could. We are lucky enough to be able to choose things that interest our children and can then bring in all the other subjects with this. Dry, boring learning turns children off asking why, how and when. They just say 'can't remember'!

My DD is 6.6 and is not HE or SN - she is at school. I know a child at her school who does have SN and who has extra tutoring as well in order to keep up. I suppose that, knowing just how much very quantifiable teaching and learning has gone on this year, that I understand what your therapist is getting at. She wants to know what reading scheme you are using, how you are teaching your DD maths, what you do in the way of learning about time and space.

Despite following a semistructured approach to HE, we gave up in just recounting a typical day! We are now aware that the question(s) will seek evidence of academic, physical and social activities and just like you I see no benefit in being defensive or antagonistic.

PE and social activities can be simple lists.
For the academic evidence ds(10) got so fed up of being quizzed, he now brings 3 'items' with him whenever we visit a specialist or paediatrician- last time he took the book he was reading for pleasure, his latest history project (home made reproduction clay figurines included!) and his foreign language book. Bringing such 'evidence' means ds gets only few curiosity questions.

If your daughter is quite proud of showing off her work, I don't think you would need to produce anything formal. I would imagine a collage/drawing of nature- the one your dd produced after you been to the park with some friends and stopped to collect different leaves, which dd then attempted to draw around or copy and coloured in, before glueing the 'original' next to it and then discussed with mummy from which tree did the leaf come from...- would be 'evidence' representative of addressing social interaction, outdoor exercise, pencil control skills (and other fine motor skills), listening and speaking skill.

As a lawyer I have represented a number of parents and children who needed to justify what they were doing during their HE day. Usually it is no problem at all.

My rule of thumb was to mention books you are reading (to your DD is fine if she can't yet read herself), projects you are involved in together and what plans you have for the near future.

I did come across a couple of children who I felt were being badly served by HE...but not many at all.

As someone who knows a little about this field, I work with people who know even less. HE is viewed with suspicion by some social workers and other HSE workers in Ireland for example, I'm echoing Fava's ideas and I would direct the therapist (if appropriate) to sites where they can learn about HE

Interestingly, I have found judges (who one would consdier a conservative lot) very open to HE.

Hi wordfactory,

Are these judges in the family courts?

Yes.

My experience has been where one family member (usually a child's father) does not wish their child to be HEd. Often these issues arise in the context of ongoing contact or residence issues.

To a lesser extent, I have experience where HE has become a factor in a care case brought by the local authority. This is more difficulta s there are often other issues besides HE.

I have only ever found judges to be open to the proposition of HE. Sometimes they ultimately are agaoinst it but it is usually in the context of other circumstances which make HE a bad idea.

Bonsoir- Home education is very different to school. At school, a teacher has to make sure that all children are reading by the age of 7, wether they are ready or not. They need to get them reading so that they can follow work sheets and don't have to be read too. With home schooling, it dosn't matter how long you read to your child, they can learn at there own pace, when they are ready. Children with SN's are not given an inapropriate curriculum just because they happen to have a certain date of birth and then given "extra help" to follow it. Forcing a child to learn formally when they are just not ready is quite crule IMHO. It's like saying to a child "you need to go out and cut the grass", then only giving him a pair of scissors. All his class mates have lawn mowers and he has to watch them doing it so efortlessly while he struggles on with his scissors.
There is also no evidence what so ever that fearly formal learning does any good at all long term! The ideal age most experts say is between 8 and 12. At this age, the child's brain has matured enough. They then usually learn at a very fast rate, and have a much more positive attitude to learning.
We are not following work shhets or reading scheems with our daughter. We read to her all the time, she asks questions and we answer her or find out together. We cook together and count, devide etc while doing it. We go on nature walks, visit farms and have fun in the great out doors. We do a lot of creative things such as painting, junk models etc. She also loves playing games, singing and playing the piano.
We also go to lots of after school activities which she enjoys.
I hope this gives you more of an understanding into what HE is about and how it's ideal for children with SN's.

My daughter used to go to school by the way. She was also given extra help to catch up.
She became so disheartened and it left her with very low self esteem. She called herself "stupid" and when questioned about it she said she knew she wasn't as clever as the others and needed extra help, and also that's what the others had called her. She refused to work unless the teacher was next to her. She actually went backward in her learning. She was so miserable and angry all the time.
Since she's left school the difference in her is amazing. She's so much calmer, more happy and free to be herself! She's not insecure any more and will happily talk to anyone.
She also enjoys learning, mostly because she dosn't see it as learning as there are no work sheets in sight. She is starting to question things and is becomming interested in how things work. Home ed has been birlliant for her.

It's interesting that HE in Ireland needs to be agreed upon by both parents (regardless of circs). This isn't necessary for joining school, however. I think attitudes towards HE are changing in that previously parents have started HE in circs just like mummyloves describes, now some parents are actively choosing HE ...