A couple of questions

[CoffeeandChocolateplease]

Hi all,
I am SAHM to DS, 2.2, and DD, 5 months, and have recently been thinking more and more about HE and how it would benefit our family. I have been reading around the many blogs and posts on the internet, and really feel excited by the whole prospect. My husband, whilst not totally convinced, is open to discussing the idea which is a good start! However, I have a question that I haven't seen answered anywhere else and I wonder if you can help.

My main worry is that by HEing, I would be taking away an experience from my children that they would have otherwise enjoyed. Does that make sense? I know that school is not fun for everyone, but equally there are others who love it and have a great time. I suspect DS would be the sort of child who would love the thought of going to school - how do you decide what is in their best interest as an individual, particularly if you are HEing from the start, with no experience of school. As an adult and former teacher, I can see the benefits of HE as opposed to school, but will they?

I suppose my point is - would you HE your child if you believe it to be in their best interest, even if they are keen to go to school?

I know we haven't got to that stage yet, and DS is very happy doing things at home with me and DD, but it's something that I anticipate might happen, and I'm torn as to whether to go with what I think is in his best interest (and which, if I'm being honest and selfish, is what I want to do) or to let him try school if he wants to.

Thanks for your help

I let my DD spend a term in school at Y5 at her request.

I guess that there are lots of things that you don't let your DC try because you do not think it in their best interests. For example, a vegetarian parent is not going to give their child meat. However, the child might decide to try it at a later age when they are able to reason it out for themselves.

I wouldn't let a 4yo decide about going to school - the same as you would make the decision about which school.

Sorry - pressed the Post button too soon.

After all, there are another 13 years in which he can go to school if he wants, with more understanding and with more self-esteem and ability to reason about what happens there (good or bad). You could decide to enroll him at 7 or 12... but at least by then he'd know there is an alternative and he'd be used to talking to you about things. A 4yo hasn't enough theory of mind to be able to tell you what happens at school and is easily persuaded that it is the only way to do things.

I don't HE but I wish I did. I have 3 DSs 6,4,2. The oledest one is at school and isn't getting on brilliantly. The behaviour is appauling. During the holidays he's a complete star and I rarely find myself having to discipling. However, after schhol I get a lot of chat and rudeness and silliness that he's picked up in the playground. I am always so tempted to HE but I'm not convinced I would have the discipline. My second child is due to start in September and I just don't know what to do. I wish school could be more flexible but it's so rigid. If I had just done it from the beginning it wouldn't be such a problem to decide now as I wouldn't have known any different. Good luck with your decision making

my dd loved school. at the end of y4 we decided that home ed was going to work better for the whole family and so pulled her out (long story - health issues and crappy bitchey school staff). we tried HE for a term and LOVED it. Home ed all the way for us i think.

Thanks for all of your replies. I think DS (I'm not forgetting DD by the way but she's only 5 months!) would love to be HE'd as well, he loves the activities we do now. I just worry that he would feel he'd missed out, or that he'd really want to try school and I would stop him without a genuinely good reason. He's aware of schools already as DH is also a teacher and we often pick him up from work.
SDeuchars thank you for your point about him being able to try school at a later date if he wants. How did your daughter find her term in year 5? I guess not that great if she's being HE again.
I am so keen to do this, but just want to make sure that it's the best for my children as well. Which I think it is. Still have to completely convince DH though!
threesnocrowd I hope you manage to give HE a go too.

We never intended it to be more than a term (but if she'd loved it, no doubt it would have continued). As it was, she did not like it much. It interfered too much with the rest of life, she did not get on with the constant being surrounded by people (she's got ASD tendencies), she was exposed to unpleasant aspects of mainstream culture and it told us nothing we didn't know about her academic abilities (within weeks she was promoted to a Y5/6 group for maths but she didn't write much).

As well as taking up so much time, the downsides for me were that we got a (totally unnecessary) visit from an EWO when we deregistered her and she had learned to divide the world into work and not work (it wore off but it took time even after only three months).

BTW, she is now 19 and at uni studying law. She is thoroughly enjoying that - including the social side. She needed the EHE time to mature enough to cope with that.

Would your DH accept keeping him out until 7? Many European countries do not start formal education so early and have no problems later. If he would accept that, you can reassess it in 3.5 years or so. By that time, your DH should be able to see that he is learning and may be more happy that you keep on with EHE (if you want to). If not, you've given DS that extra 3-4 years that most children do not get now.

Try thinking about it another way, if DS knows what he wants to do by the age 9 he can spend 4 hrs a day studying for that, getting gcse's at 11 getting real work experience age 14. that is an opportunity no school can give him.

I agree. My dd also did a term of school in Year Five. It was a useful experience for her and I had no worries about her, as I would have done if she'd started five years earlier. This explains why: schooltourist.blogspot.com/2009_03_01_archive.html

I think it can be hard for a very young child to articulate what is right and wrong about the situation he is in. As Rudyard Kipling wrote in his autobiography, "Often and often afterwards, the beloved Aunt would ask me why I had never told any one how I was being treated. Children tell little more than animals, for what comes to them they accept as eternally established." What my daughter would have accepted unquestioningly at four she considered critically at nine. The added maturity gave her the resilience to cope in the short term and the sense to make informed decisions about schooling in the longer term.

Thanks for your messages. EHE until 7 certainly seems like a possibility and a great idea. Thankk you again for all of your useful information and ideas, it has been very helpful!