Considering Home Ed - advice

[jabed]

Now I am a teacher, I should know better but I do not!

My DS is four and a half ( August birthday) . He had to go to school last September ( less than a week after he turned 4) because the school only had one intake. We would have preferred to keep him home until he reached 5 frankly but it wasnt possible in our LA.

He goes to the village school. A choice made because he is young and we felt it better to keep him near home . The next nearest school (state or private) would be a forty minute car journey each day.

He has settled OK. He does seem tired though.

Recently his teacher told my DW that he was having issues with writing. Now on the instruction of the school we taught him to write his name , address and such before he went so we know there were no problems when he went. He was also an early reader, so we were perplexed . Others started telling us he had deformed joints, needs the schools SEN dept etc. However, when challeneged ( gently I will say) his teacher back tracked and said there was no problem. His report said he has met all his targets for the year already and mentioned no problems.

For a village school it is a large school. It seems it takes an overflow from the nearby town because their schools are full. We had hoped for DS to be in a small class since this was a village school but the school had a large number of children.

He is not SEN ( unless you class gifted as that which you may but we are playing that down in the interests of him having a normal schooling) . He may be a little less robust physically than some of his school peers being of a quiet temprement and much younger.

But the school relationship is slightly sour now for us ( DW and self ) and we are worried. We have not said anything to the school. We are aware of how teachers (I am one!) can be very defensive and we dont want to create problems for DS. Of course in a few weeks he will move into another class and things could be different with a new teacher.

We have options
a) leave him where he is but be careful
b) put him in prep
c) home educate until 7 and then put him in prep.

Any advice as to the best option for a little boy , very young for his school class would be welcome.
Thank you.

There is no universal best option for a little boy very young for his school class. It all depends whether the benefits of (that) school for your child outweigh the negatives.

For some children, the main benefits of school are not really about academics, but about having other children to spend the day with. They will flourish intellectually, probably, whether they spend the six hours a day at school or not. As the school-using parents on MN often say "we have purposive, educational conversation with our children all the time - it's not the unique preserve of HEers, you know"

For some children, the main benefits of school are about academics. They tolerate, or learn to cope with, what is (for them) a sub-optimal social environment, because the other stuff makes it worth while.

If a child is thriving neither academically nor socially, then I see no point in them attending (that) school.

And also, as a home educating parent, I think it is worth considering going through the looking glass. Why is sending a child to school at 4 years and a week going to be a good idea for them? What if they are simply not ready for the sort of culture and environment that school offers, for whatever reason? Why wouldn't you wait, nurture them at home and with a non-school-based social and educational environment and watch them thrive and develop at their own pace? I honestly have no idea where my children's developmental rate is compared with the expectations for their academic year. Sometimes a friend will see one of my children doing something and give me a look that is all surprised admiration and my Advanced Precious Darling, and sometime it is a look surprised horror mingled with pity at my Not Advanced Precious Darling. It is a huge huge advantage of HE, that one can nurture a child without comparison to other children born in the same school year, so that everyone retains, to a large extent, a blissful lack of awareness either of genius or of the opposite.

Hi jabed!

Could you be more specific about what you see as the advantages and disadvantages of each of your three options?

Does "settled OK, does seem tired though" mean your little boy is happy or just not-miserable? Do you think he's enjoying school overall?

You're bothered that the teacher says your son has issues with writing; is this concern because you dislike the whole notion of early assessment, or are you disturbed that the teacher doesn't understand your son better, or do you worry she will put undue pressure on him to get him to "perform" better? Have you heard any gossip at the school gates about the person who will be teaching him next, so you'll have an idea whether that will get better or worse?

Have you checked out the prep school you have in mind, to see whether it might be a better match for your son now or in two years?

What are the practical considerations - would you or your wife have to change working hours or get childcare to accommodate home education or taking your son to a school farther away?

Sorry to pepper you with so many questions! I just don't feel I have a very clear picture yet of your situation.

Cheers,
Sara

Saracen,
To answer your questions ( in reverse order if I may?)

DW would have to take charge of DS's education if we homeschooled. She runs a business ( more of a little home sideline really as a tailoress and dressmaker) so could home educate. She was a teacher. She is an accopmplished musician and does teach some keyboard. We would hope she might be able to fit DS's education with this and she is willing because she feels DS's education is important. She didnt want him in school so early anyway but we had little choice since the school has only one intake now. We chose the local school because its a short walk (10/15 mins into the village, we live outside the village) from home. We also thought he would find playmates from the village but of course none of the children are from our village.

I work and if she had to give up her paying interests it would not be difficult financially although I would not wish to deprive DW of her income and something she enjoys.

We do not have an alternative in mind as this matter came to a head rather quickly. Its been simmering with small discontents and worries but we did nothing. The only prep we have explored is my own school prep ( I work in an independent school) . The problem is this would be a long journey and DS is already tired , adding an hour to his journey time daily is a lot.

However, other prep schools would amount to the same journey, so no advantages there . By the way, as a result of discussions on another board which have focussed us somewhat, we are moving him to prep with me next term as a stand by.

My concerns about the comment on my sons writng started because I nor my DW could see a problem. DW was worried because he is young and the teacher threw the comment at her but gave no further expansion. When I asked the following week ( this was Friday to Monday ) she said there was no problem. By then though we had been asking questions of DS about school and DW had talked with a couple of mums. Its not the writing issue if there is one and I think the teacher may have got DS mixed up with another child and so was a bit stuck when questioned, but that itself is a concern we have.

My concern about his teacher is not about assessment as such , although I do not think its a good idea in ones so young, its not about her not understanding DS, its more about us wondering if she even knows who he is. There I have said it.

The school has far more pupils than we thought. DS is in a large class. Most of the children (ney all really) are coming from other places. Most are from the local town a couple of miles away. They are overspill because the town school cannot take them. Others come from larger villages around , all of which have village schools and all of which are full. Sounds odd doesnt it? The only other children from our village we have now found out go to another school.

We have heard stories about behaviour of pupils. We know they have a larger than average SEN intake it seems now and the classes are large. Not what we expected at all. We thought the school would be good for DS because it would have small classes and as he was young this would benefit him.

I said he was tired. I think tired means he is not happy really. He has said the class is noisy I had put this down to his being little and very young. But he tells us about children fighting. He seems settled enoiugh though. he has one or two friends but when I suggested a move of schools he wasnt gutted to leave them or the school - again a surprise!

We are still concidering home ed at least until he is 7 and start maybe in year 3 in prep when school becomes far more formal, he will be older and able to cope with longer days.

What are the advantages and disadvantages? We havent gone through them to be honest. This is more of a gut reaction to getting out of something unsatisfactory rather than a positive move at the moment.
Hope that answers the questions.

Thank you for your interest.

There are a lot of issues mixed up here.

Do you think your child is too young to be schooled full-time?
Do you think your child is not suited to state schooling? Or is it just this school?

State schools generally mean larger class sizes (doesn't suit all children) and probably several kids in each class with SEN (although I don't see this as a problem). You are unlikely to find a state school with small class sizes and no SN children anywhere in the UK. State schools (good ones) provide a range of wonderful opportunities, but they obviously don't give children the quality 1-2-1 attention they might get at home, or the small class sizes they might get at a private school.

Prep and home-schooling are two very different prospects. Private schools are generally geared towards results.They want children that are 'gifted' in passing exams. Home-schooling is the antithesis of this, imo. There are some more laidback, child-centred private schools, but you may have to travel/move for a place.

I think you have to be really clear about what it is you want for your child before you make any rash decisions.

I would also be very careful about linking bad behaviour and SEN in your future posts. It is inaccurate and could be construed as quite offensive by many posters on this board.

I hope you don't take that badly. I am just saying it in the hope that you might avoid this thread turning sour at a later stage.

I am sorry I had not made a link in my mind as such between SEN and bad behaviour. What I was saying ( rather clumsily obviously) is that the school had a number of issues it was dealing with. A significantly larger number of SEN children than other local schols around AND some behaviour issues. All this and large classes.

There was no connections intended. I hope that makes it clear.

By the way you are wrong about independent schools and that academic thing. Independent schools are precisely that and they do not conform to each other or to state schols in any way. We have a very diverse intake at my own school. Most preps wont be pushing that academic thing until year 5 or 6 . Most early years prep is about small classes and good basic teaching and allowing children to be in a nurturing environment where they can grow at their own pace (says our Head of prep).

Most of us who work in independents find that link offensive too. Of course I am sure you didnt intend it.

For what it is worth I have every belief now that we sent DS to school too early being pressured by the system into sending him at a few days over four years old.

I think many of the problems are coming from this. He is bright ( school report says he has met all is targets for this year already as if that means anything). But physically and socially I do not think he is mature enough for the environment he has been in for the last two terms.

A comment on educational policy - it was wrong to introduce the notion of having one intake for all pupils on the grounds " summer borns" are disadvantaged by not being in school as long. Maybe some can cope. My DS isnt one of them. We made a mistake, now we have to correct it.

I have now taken him out of school. he will not complete this term. Since he is under 5 and the law still states that a child of less than five does not need to be in compulsory education until the term before his fith birthday, I have decided to keep him at home for a long Easter break . I broke up last week and we can use the time to take pressure off and have some time together as a family.

Maybe one advantage of both HE and prep would be more freedom in terms of time off or longer holidays. I havent decided which yet. Thank you for all the advice . Its all grist for the thinking mill.

I EHEed my two (now 16.5 and 19yo) throughout. I also worked from home (copyediting) as the main breadwinner, so I'd think your DW would be able to keep on doing stuff - especially if she can work evenings and weekends when you are there for your DS.

I'd suggest contacting other local EHEers in your area (if you care to share where you are, we can help with that) so that you can find out about any activities that your DS could join in.

If you or your DW would like to chat to someone, feel free to PM me.

I'll respond at greater length later, but just wanted to mention that compulsory education begins in the term after the child's fifth birthday. So if you haven't yet committed to sending your son to the independent school next term, you could take longer to weigh up your options, because he doesn't have to be in education until next autumn.

I haven't read this whole thread very thoroughly so someone may have said this but August born children DO NOT have to go to school the September after they turn 4. They do not have to start reception at the start of the academic year. You can opt for them to start in January or in April. Our local schools told us that our dd (august born) HAD to start full time in the September but the Schools' Code - very clearly says that schools have to offer deferred entry for either Jan or April (the thing they do not have to do is hold the place open until year 1, you have to take up the place at some point during the reception year if you want the place for year 1). We quoted this in a letter to the school and they could not argue against it.

I would definitely homeschool until 7 and go into prep after that (or continue to homeschool). I too am/was a prep school teacher and you can give him so much at home that he can not get at school - he can be himself and you can really give him a great time as well as a really good grounding in the basics. We homeschool our children and I do not regret it one bit. It is radical and my friends think we are a little odd but really I know it is best for our children.

Saracen, Thank you for that. We had not committed to any other school. Having realized what the law does say we are keeping DS at home next term. You cannot imagine how relieved we are now just having that breathing space.

I just wish I had understood exactly what the law of this land said last September. My mistake.

Diddee, You have described the problem we had except that we were led to believe that DS gad to start school in September last as the school had shifted to a single intake.

We would have originally sent him after Easter until we were told that. No one informed us DS didnt have to start until next September if we chose. That annoys me.

Of course we are obviously numbskulls in accepting it and not looking further. Its been a long time and many things have changed since DW or self have been to school. We are not familiar with infants schools and eyfs etc.

Thank you for your assistance.

Ah good, I'm glad that buys you a bit of time and I hope you are all enjoying your Easter break together!

This situation is absolutely NOT your fault. I feel strongly that it should be standard practice for LAs to tell parents of their options when writing to invite parents to submit their preference form. (The one I received said "Your child is due to start school next autumn. You must submit the enclosed form...") But even if you'd been aware of your options, you might still have made the same decision. When your son started school, parents didn't have the automatic right to defer their child's start without losing the school place. With your hearts set on the village school, you might have been reluctant to risk losing his place there. Parents of children eligible to start Reception next year do have the right to defer until later in the Reception year without losing the place, but parents are often not informed of that right and are under pressure not to exercise it. You might also have been influenced by the popular belief that children miss out both academically and socially if they don't start school at the same time as everyone else. This view is becoming very widespread, with many people maintaining that even preschool is essential!

If you aren't sure whether your son will be ready for school next autumn then I should think it would make sense to wait until you are sure he'd be OK there. Once he is at a fee-paying school, it would be harder to give school a try and then just walk away if it isn't working out, as you've just done with the state school. What with the notice period and fees in advance, you'd be sacrificing a fair bit of money. And as you say, it would be a long day for him since he'd have to be there for your entire working day, and then there's the commuting time on top of that.

I guess in the longer run, if you are very keen for your son to end up attending the school where you teach, then you might find it better to grab a place for him whenever one comes up? Then again, if there's no place available for him to start at seven then you could wait until he's eight or nine, whenever a place does open up. Perhaps it would be worth speaking to someone who deals with the prep admissions to find out how much movement there is in and out of the school.