Just Introducing Myself....

[mumto3boysHE]

Hello everyone! I have spent the last 2-3 weeks devouring this little section of MN. I wanted to introduce myself.

We have 3 DS, ages 12, 11 & 10. We always intended that our children would go to school &, up to recently, all 3 have done really well. They are intelligent & articulate & settled great into our local primary & until 12 months ago I hadn't even given thought to education other than at school. I honestly believed school was the way, I believed school knew best & that 'no news was good news'.

So.... the changes....

I've been HE since last Sept when we removed DS2 from the start of year 6 due to being bullied & isolated in year 5. We tried to give the school time to put it right, but decided to pull him out, originally just for 2 weeks leading up to his 11+ exam in early October, so we could concentrate on that, but had more or less agreed that he would stay home after that, at least until big school.

We just couldn't agree with waiting for the school to work on it - they admitted it would take a long time to put the attitude of the year right - our DS wasn't the only child removed & HE'd due to bullying - and we thought it totally wrong for them to expect DS2 to go to school everyday in a hostile environment, waiting for it to get 'better enough' so that it was bearable.

I'm glad to say DS2 is back to his old self, happy, go-lucky, sweet, outgoing, outspoken, annoying, all his usual old traits!

DS3 is currently still in the same school, in year 5, which makes things quite difficult, organising things, but generally we manage. He enjoys the social side of school, is top in everything without trying (most annoying - he is not being pushed at all) & is happy there, so he's staying put!

DS1 however, is in the process of being deregistered from grammar school, in year 8. He's not coping. He struggles with his organisational skills, and some anxiety & stress & his grades are dropping. He's science & maths gifted but struggles to write a sentence & we just know he will struggle with 10, 12 or more GCSEs, so he's going to HE & concentrate on 1 at a time. He's happy with this, we're happy with this, the school don't know yet. I'm struggling to decide how to tell them - I would like to remain on good terms - he might decide to go back later - and they haven't 'failed him', it's the system that's failed him. He doesn't fit in the pigeon-hole & they don't have the flexibility to tailor his education, so we have decided to do it instead.

Oh my, what a ramble....sorry everyone... I guess I have a lot to say :o

Anyway, that's us & hopefully I'll be about on here learning loads....

mumto3boysHE

Hallo and welcome. How soon might your ds1 be leaving his school?

Hi, we are just in the process of removing DS2 from school. He is just completeing yr5, sounds like a similar story to your DS2!

I'm a bit apprehensive about HE, but also getting very excited too.

Hi and welcome. I'm newish too and only started HE last November with dd1. She started secondary school and didn't cope very well with it and was struggling so we took her out. I also have 5 other children, 4 at school in years 5,4,2 and F1.

Hi Toojung

DS 1 will be leaving at Easter, so last day will be Tuesday 12th. We're going away for Easter & have just received an email from his school stating the days they are open - ie. back on the Wed & Thurs, off for the Royal Wedding & everyone is expected to attend!

It's a standard email, directed at everybody, they're not singling us out, but if we don't do it before Easter, we would have to apply for a holiday approval for those days & I think, with his attendence record this year, it would be refused & we would then have to go anyway & have the days as unauthorised! :o

As we have made our decision anyway, I think it's best if we do it sooner rather than later.

Next step is to tell my mother

Hi mumto3boysHE, welcome! I'm really pleased to hear that your ds2 is back to his old self and that you're feeling positive about this new way of life.

I don't think you have much to worry about with the school's reaction to taking your ds1 out. Many people who work in education are not 100% enthused about the system and will readily agree that some children at least would benefit from more flexibility than they are allowed to provide. If they have paid much attention to what sort of person your son is, I'm sure they will agree with your concerns for his future at the school. If they haven't yet noticed that he finds writing hard, that he's stressed and that multitasking is not his strong point, then they aren't in a position to have an opinion about what he needs!

You could just focus on the advantages of HE for your particular child instead of saying that the school doesn't suit him - say that you feel he'd benefit from individual attention and the chance to focus on subjects for longer periods of time. If you've been happy with the school, you could say so in your deregistration letter; that's what I did. The LA may consider that it reflects badly on a school if a child is removed to be home educated (seeing as HE is such a radical step in their eyes rather than just another valid educational choice), so it could be helpful if you assure them that you are not dissatisfied with the school.

Oh, and you might do better to tell your mum just after you have sent in the dereg letter rather than before, if you are expecting a negative reaction. At least then she will know she is too late to change your mind! Did she not take it well when you removed your middle son from school?

Hi Saracen
Thanks for the reply. The school definitely haven't paid any attention to DS1, he's been there 18 months & not once have they let us know about the behavioural problems he is displaying! So, we are not at all happy about that aspect, or about his work output (that is related to his concentration, etc) - you're right, they aren't in a position to give an opinion about his needs.

In our ignorance we were happy with the school, and I really don't want to fight them to get what we think DS1 needs (we would all find it too stressful and life's too short!).

I have no problem saying we have been happy with the school - I like your line about DS1 having individual attention & being able to focus on 1 subject at a time. I will put that in my de-reg letter.

My mum just worries. I get the usual 'socialisation' questions etc. I'm slowly memorising all the useful phrases & info about HE. I will tell her after the fact, and will be very naughty & tell 1 or 2 white lies as well. Trouble is, she has 3 other grandchildren who have sailed through school & she can't understand why it's not happening with our 3, even though she knows their background & that it's all, 'apparently', to be expected at some point (our children are adopted & have 'looked-after' history). I am speaking to our social workers about help for DS1 & I will use this as 'evidence' for my mum to help her understand & stop her worrying.

We have had a wonderful few years with our boys & haven't needed to play the 'adoption card'! It's about time we did!

ooops! Another ramble. Sorry everyone!

My favourite line with my MIL used to be, "Oh!! Socialisation. Oh dear. Does she seem to have become shy and withdrawn since starting home education?" This was a bit of a joke because my eldest was, and always had been, the most outgoing child you could imagine. I was trying to direct her attention to the child she could see in front of her rather than some hypothetical stereotypical isolated HE child.

If your mum dotes on your ds2 then you might try the same line with her, pointing out that he seems to have thrived since coming out of school and you have no reason to believe his brother won't.

Of course, if she is the sort who tends to criticise kids then this would backfire, because she might blame any of his shortcomings on HE. My MIL did used to say that perhaps my daughter would be less cheeky if only she went to school and had to sit and obey, till I pointed out that MIL found one of her other grandchildren equally cheeky and school hadn't cured that one of cheekiness!