REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!

[montymoocow]

I posted a message a couple of months ago and although we received great advice we decided we'd give school another go (2 dcs in years 8 and 7, and also have a 3 yr old).

Academically they are both starting to do rather well although one has SEN. The school though is not good and has real problems with behaviour. Both dcs complain of kids jumping on tables, screaming, trying to break windows, swearing at teachers, and whole classes having to evacuate the room in order staff can remove one child who refuses to budge.

The school has nearly 1,800 children and is now under special measures.

Both hate it and would be home ed' at the drop of a hat but I feel that there would be no going back as I have home ed' before and couldn't face going back into school if they came out now. Also would I cope with the 3 year old and them at home? Both the older two have been fighting a lot lately although I think this is due to stress of school. They are both screaming at each other and unfortunately my toddler has started to copy them. My eldest too has developed migrains and chest pains (sort of panic attacks).

My yr 7 child will only go into the library at lunch due to being too scared to go anywhere else. My eldest has been physically attacked three times although nothing has happened for the past few months now.

My worry is a) getting them motivated to work and b) exams - although our school's GCSE results for last summer were a disgrace - nearly the lowest in the county.

I just need one big kick up the backside to make me see sense, and I suppose I really crave the absolute support of my hubby who's concerned that home ed' will be too much for me, especially as I was hoping to return to work in the not too distant future.

Sorry that I have asked all this before and I know you're all very busy and I hate asking the same questions time and again, but I'm finding this all really difficult to work out.

Thanks for reading!!

everything - I suppose I keep hoping things will improve. I really don't know how they're doing so well as the atmosphere there is really not good. My yr 7 receives certificates for "being able to focus in a very disruptive and noisy classroom". If I were a teacher I'd find that hard to admit really.

I found the decision to home ed' much easier when they were younger, but the decision to jump ship now is very, very hard. There are no alternative schools anywhere nearby though - so it's there or nothing really.

I agree with what you say though. Thanks!

This might be a mean thing to say and I don't want to sound that way - maybe the reason they seem to be doing so well is because the others are doing so badly? They look good in comparison iykwim? It really doesn't sound like a nice environment and I don't see how they can possibly be benefitting from it. I would take them out. I am HEing a 5 year old with a 2 yo at home and it is fine. Some days are harder than others but I think it could actually be a bit easier with older children because they are more capable of doing activities by themselves at times while you are busy with the 3 yo.

Thank you for your replies!

Possibly you are right bubbleymummy that they are doing well only because their standards are obviously at an all time low. My eldest recently got 29/32 in a test and the teacher gave him a percentage result of 70%! I had to write a note in to correct him. Very worrying.

My yr 8 is really into computers and producing on line games and my eldest loves reading and enjoys history. I suppose they may become self-motivated although my gut instinct is that they'd need a bit of encouragement to begin with as at school they're obviously working to a timetable and are told what to do and when to do it. I've noticed that outside school they haven't a clue what to do unless you suggest something.

everythingchanges - if I asked them what they wanted to do I know what the answer would be as they ask me every day for me to let them stay at home, but then my husband says that if you asked most kids if they'd rather come out of school - they'd say a big yes. Having said that my hubby would support me in whatever I thought best.

Thank you!

my gut instinct is that they'd need a bit of encouragement to begin with as at school they're obviously working to a timetable and are told what to do and when to do it. I've noticed that outside school they haven't a clue what to do unless you suggest something.

That's what EHEers mean when they say that children need to deschool - when you've been used to being what to do all the time, you rely on it and lose the ability to work out what to do for yourself. We normally advise allowing one month per year in school to rectify that. It can take less time (or more if a child is coming out of a traumatic situation) - all the evidence is anecdotal. If you were to take them out now, I'd suggest that you do not expect them to work out what they are going to do until about September. It does not mean that they won't do things, but that they'll need help organising it. And if a goal is for them to become self-motivated, you'll have to resist the impulse to "make them do" stuff.

If I were you, I'd have some non-negotiables (e.g. if they are home all the time, they need to help with household duties in order that you can all enjoy other activities) but they would involve living co-operatively rather than school-type work.

Yes I believe they would require time to de-school and luckily we do have a very supportive LEA and who were actually very surprised when they went back into school. I think they'd be very understanding about standing back and giving them time to adjust.

I think there would have to be rules in place for it to work (and to prevent driving me insane). I'm sure it is do-able but am lacking the courage at present. If I was making the decision about only one child it would be much easier, but trying to decide if it's the right thing for them both is much harder, although there is no way they would agree to one in and one out as they both would love to be at home.

Thanks for your comments and advice - it really is appreciated.

I am beginning to deschool my year 7 son. My year 5 son is happy in school most the time, wants some time out sometimes but enjoys school so there I am lucky.
My only regret is continuing to force my son into school as I thought I had no other option as I am poorly educated, my son was in crisis by the time I removed him. I know this is different to your situation but the circumstances sound horrid!
I wish you the strength to follow your intuition :)

Thank you Nomanual. My dh has now suggested we home ed' (he was always a little uneasy thinking I would be putting to much pressure on myself) as things are so bad there now. I think we may de-register at Easter.

Thanks for all your supportive comments.