What advice should I give a mum who is going to HE her 4 year old son and wants a set curriculum and timetable etc??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I've been HEing my 6 year old daughter since Christmas. It is going brilliantly and we don't ever intend to send her back to school.

There is a mum at the school where my daughter used to go, who has 4 children and wants to start home educating her 4.5 year old son until she can get a place at a decent school for him. She is a bit of a perfectionist and wants a strict time table and wants him to know it's "School work!" She is a bit of a pushy parent, but is totally devoted to her children and to doing the "right" thing.

She is now asking me advice on how to set up a curriculum for him and has sent me an e-mail to ask what I'm doing with my DD, so that she can get some ideas.

I don't really know what to say, other than we aren't doing any accademic work with her at all. (Her mouth would hit the floor!!) We play games that help her listening skills, and some phonic related games when she wants too. We write stories together, cook, go on nature walks, draw, practice dressing/ undressing, draw, paint, and I read to her a lot. There's probubly loads more but you get the idea. We do things as and when we want to. I might suggest certain things but won't make her do anything she dosn't want to. (except brush her teeth.)
The mum wants to meet up with our home ed group, so I'll give her some nombers. Should I let her know that all the group are in it for the long run and there for have a much more relaxed approach and non that I know of follow the NC?

The other concern I have is that she can be a real gossip, and I don't want her telling everyone at my daughters old school that I'm doing sod all with her. I'd like to let her know that there is no evidence that early formal accademic teaching does any good what so ever in the long run. I'm not sure if saying this would sound rude or judgemental? I would like her to know the reasons for us doing what we're doing though.

What should I tell her? I'd like to help her with her decision to HE, even if it's for a short time, but her ideas are compleatly different to mine.

bump

How about saying you are practising "delayed academics" and that you deliver a personalised curriculum tailored to your child's particular learning style so you'd recommend she research both delayed academics and learning styles. saying y

We play games that help her listening skills, and some phonic related games when she wants too. We write stories together, cook, go on nature walks, draw, practice dressing/ undressing, draw, paint, and I read to her a lot. There's probubly loads more but you get the idea.

That is not "sod all". :D So please don't say that to her. What you are doing is providing an education suitable to the age, aptitude and ability of your child taking into account her special needs.

I think your best bet is to be confident that you are providing an appropriate individual education for your DD and that she can do that for her DC. If that involves the NC and schoolwork, that's OK. However, you may want to say that many (probably most) EHEers in this country find that informal education works well for young children. You can point to the work of Alan Thomas and Harriet Pattison.

Thank you both. I'd never say to her we're doing sod all, but I don't want her to get that impression on her own. She very much agrees with pushing her children accademically from and early age, using flash cards for babies etc. She complanes if her 6 year old daughter isn't getting enough homework.
I don't think she'd see what we are doing as being very beneficial. Of corse I know it is, and that it's well balanced according to my DD's needs.

I have recommended some books and websites and have given her a rough guide to what we do. Much like I've written here.

I think you should just try to show her that you have an educational philosophy which many believe to be very effective. As long as you are confident and she isn't a total witch I can't see that she would have much to gossip about!
If she intends to send her child to school eventually and likes a formal approach perhaps she would like to look at the government websites for National Curriculum programmes of study?

Or you could say something like: Home educators don't all adhere to one type or particular educational philosophy, some use informal methods of teaching and this is what I am doing with my daughter as I find she learns best through a more hands on approach. Others do choose to use structured methods especially if, like you, they are planning to return to school in the near future. Here is a list of some websites (national curriculum/etc) that can give you more information.

It is a bit of a difficult one when poeple have certain preconceptions about how HE works. But if she's genuinely committed to the idea she'll find her own way. I did.

From what you say, it seems unlikely that this mum's mind will be changed overnight and that she'll suddenly decide it is OK to adopt a relaxed approach. She'll find the best way forward for her own child in her own time.

At the same time, it's useful to open her eyes to other possibilities, even if she dismisses them at first. There's no harm in describing your own approach and mentioning that it is quite popular and has been known to give good results - even when judged by the standards of the school-going majority. For instance, you might mention that some countries don't start formal education at school until six or seven and their children achieve at a higher level than British children. I also usually mention that all of the HE parents I know are constantly tinkering with their approach, experimenting with different ways. Even those of us who felt totally happy with our approach when our child was four may find she needs something a bit different when she is five or six or seven.

You may be able to give your acquaintance a small nudge in the direction of a less pressured approach if you assure her that the benefits of one-to-one attention mean that six hours a day of sit-down teaching is not needed. Nobody hires a tutor for six hours a day. If a child is off school in the long term (because of illness, say) the LA is only obliged to provide a minimum of five hours a week of tutoring. I always tell people who are keen on a formal approach that those who use that approach find it takes very little time compared to school, leaving the child plenty of time to play. Once she has joined an email list for people who do structured HE I am sure she will ask the people there "how many hours a day?" and will be told that it's far less than six!

I don't think there's any need to warn her in advance that most people in your HE group are laid-back about academics. She may get a lot of benefit out of the group even if she can't swap notes on curricula with them. She can still swap tips on local museums and historic sites and favourite read-aloud stories. She and her child may like to join in on outings and have playdates. And if she's around long enough, she may eventually discover that autonomous education is not a total load of crock.

You never know, she may be in it for the long run after all. It's possible she will love HE, whatever approach she uses. A place may never materialise at her preferred school. Or she may find that once her child does start school, the school does not provide such a good academic diet as she wants for him and she may remove him to HE him. I know some people who HE because they feel school does not stretch their children enough.

I think that you should just leave her to it and let her work out her own way. Just tell her that one size doesn't fit all.

I don't think you have to give your friend advice just because she has asked for it. You don't need to give her too many details about your own family's HE if you reckon she may misuse the info.

My favourite mantra is 'information and support'.

Information might cover suggesting she googles 'structured home education' and suggesting famous names of writers about Home Education. The names of the main home ed organisations are a good piece of basic info. The local county yahoo group would be helpful too. Home ed blogs would give info about what he families get up to without sharing detailed info about your own family, if you see what I mean.

The support could be covered by a broad smile and a general sense of confidence that she will find her own way in her own time.

She obviously wants help so I would try to give her advice that would help her out...
Having a 'timetable' is not wrong at all - infact it can be very helpful, particularly if you don't know what you are doing! But, obviously, it has to suit the child and be based around what his needs are.

If she wants a timetable then help her to write one but at the same time stress that she does not need to stick to it and if her son is enjoying building a lego castle then let him continue - use this as a springboard for discussion etc etc