New here and need ideas please

[mumtryinghard2day]

Hi,
I've not been here before.I have a son,5, who has been home ed this year. My husband 'agreed' to it, but is less happy about continuing next year. I would like to continue for much longer. As far as I can tell, my husbands arguments against are that it will make our son 'weird'/ a social outcast, our daughter (nearly 3 years) won't get any individual attention, and that home education won't make any difference to our son anyway (this last one gets me the most because I feel like I'm doing a good job and my husband hasn't noticed!).

Any comments/ helpful hints much appreciated!

Have you asked him what evidence he has that it will make your son weird, and what he classes as weird anyway? If he thinks that outgoing, free-thinking, self-confident individuals are weird, then I guess he may be right , but I wonder why he would want his son to grow up to follow the crowd and automatically behave like everyone else?

I should imagine most HEors will come straight on and tell you how their children are most certainly not social outcasts, and those who don't have a lot of friends, don't tend to want a lot of friends and are the sort of people who prefer a bit of solitude...and that's fine! Lots of adults are like that, even if they've been to school!

Seriously, doesn't he know any 'weirdos'? Chances are he does, and chances are they went to school, so sending him to school is hardly a surefire way of making sure he doesn't turn out 'weird' (whatever that means!).

Your daughter...well, you know, I don't think not having individual attention is such a bad thing. Siblings very close together in age don't either, and they manage. And you know the happiest of my four children, I think, are my younges two, and they have never had any individual attention! They learn loads form their older sisters and love being a part of a big family .

And won't make any difference to him? Well you might as well continue - if it ain't broke, don't fix it! Is your DS happy being HEd? If so, have you asked your husband why he wants to put your child in a situation he doesn't want to be in when there are no valid reasons to do so?

Phew! Sorry that was so ranty...hope bits of it help a little!

Thanks for replying.
Just to be clear, I'm fully aware that home ed won't make my son weird, whatever that is. Also, I was one of three children and I don't recall ever worrying about not having individual attention.

He freely admits that he has no evidence, because he says there isn't any! I just despair because he says that I just want him to change his mind (of course I do!) but I feel I have evidence on my side and he won't read any of it.

My husband had similar concerns. I found it very helpful for him to meet some local HE families to see that they weren't very different to himself. The turning point came when we were out pursuing a hobby of ours (going round the car boots) and we ran into some HE friends. I could see my dh thinking, if they like car boot sales they can't be all that bad! Moments later he had discovered that the other dad shared his own irreverent sense of humour and that was really the end of his objection.

Sure, there are some weird people among us. But there are some very normal people too. Not sure which category I fall into, actually... I guess it depends who I compare myself to!!

Do you have many HE friends in your area? Could you take your dh along to a group or ask another family to meet you at a family pub on a Saturday afternoon? Your husband might then have a good opportunity to see not only some parents who are no weirder than he is, but also some friendly well-adjusted older children who have been HEd for a long time without obvious damage to their social skills.

In favour of the idea that plenty of normal people HE, you could point out that it isn't always a "lifestyle choice." Many perfectly average families are driven to home education through intolerable school situations, lack of school places, ill health, or other circumstances beyond their control.

I'd second the meeting of home ed families.
Meeting older long term home educated children and chatting to them freely, was what convinced the most sceptical people in my family, my step children, who were very concerned about this weird thing I was doing to their much loved younger siblings.

Now they have no doubts, no concerns and fully embrace it as part of our lifestyle.

Hi

I'd say the longer you do home ed, the more your husband will come to realise it's a good thing. I don't see how you can persuade him or have a rational discussion with him over something as nebulous as "not turning out weird later"!

My son is nearly 18 now and has never been to school. When I used to get this kind of stuff from his dad and my mum I would tend to answer briskly along the lines of "well, I absolutely don't think you have anything to worry about but nobody can predict the future so we'll just have to wait and see."

Looking back I think that they probably changed their tune when there was lots of bad stuff in the media about teenage boys and peer pressure and it dawned on them that not being in a crowd was actually quite a good thing!

I had to bite my tongue and let them find stuff and make the point to me and then I would go oh well that's a good point, actually...(tricky because I love being right but I like winning even more)

Thank you. My husband doesn't meet home ed families much because usually we meet up during the week when he is at work.
I think you make a good point Fiona. My husband would probably prefer if I didn't 'win the argument' but instead made up his own mind. I've just got to make sure he does it in time!