My daughter thinks I'm booring!! What can we do together that we'll both enjoy??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I'm looking for ideas for things I can do with my 6 year old daughter. She has SEN's and is developmentally about 2-3 years behind.

She was working on phonics at school and can now recognise most of the letter sounds apart from the ones she can't say and the ones that look similar, like b,d p,q f,t.

I've tried going along the lines of no structure but I'm finding this very hard because if it's up to her, all she wants to do is pretend play with me. I have to be one charactor and she's another but it has to beplayed out exactly as she wants it or she gets very angry and frustrated. This is mind numbingly booring for me as you can imagine.

Her uncle and Dad don't seem to have a problem with this and can play this way for ages with her. I find it very hard though to disgise how I'm feeling and my daughter has often told me not to say "uh-hu" or similar as it sounds as if I'm fed up. I feel like saying "spot on!"

She has told me recently that i'm not as much fun as her Daddy and Uncle. She does act like a complete madame for them though and bosses them about no end and they just accept it. I don't want her becomming a bossy little madame, so I'll correct her and if needs be, put her in time out. I would like her to think of me being fun to be with as well, but I need some ideas of what we can do that she'll enjoy as well as me. I think this weather dosn't help as she's very much an out doors girl and I feel the cold and hate going out in the rain. It makes me feel miserable.

I've found that when I say "right, lets wright a story" or do some maths etc, she's happy to do it and responds well to the positive attention. I involved her with cooking tea one night and she loved it. We sang songs about the vedge as we chopped it, and she actually said to me "I love spending time with you mummy". I was so happy.

I just need more ideas of things we can do and games we can play to help us enjoy our time together. I need to be more imaginative I think.

Anyway, I hope this makes sence, and hopefully someone can give me some ideas.

Thanks.

The

Do you go out to places much? I would think you would both be bored if you were stuck in playing the same game over and over (is this a symptom of her SEN or is it just something 6 year olds do?). Do you go to museums, galleries, parks, farms etc?

The things you do at home sound lovely. Maybe you could involve her with meal preparation every day? Do more baking together?

My dd loves scavenger hunts - she still does and she's 13 now.

this site has some good links, and some of the pages have pictures

I used to make up a list on paper, either pics from clip art, or just draw little pictures, and then we'd go round trying to find everything. When she got a bit older I used to have things like "something round" "something spiky"

Now I try to make the clues a bit cryptic!

A variation we still play is a 'bingo card' where we both have to find 12 or 16 words or pictures, it's brilliant to play in the car too.

Another game was to go round together and find something for every letter of the alphabet, taking it in turns - she finds A, I find B... we 'helped' each other out by pointing! DD is a bit old for that one now but I do borrow my friend's DC occasionally

We live out in the sticks a bit and I don't drive. We go to a neerby farm quite a lot and there are a lot of nice walks. We go out and about more when my DH is off work. He has 3 days off during the week which is nice.

We don't have any galleries locally. We do have one victorian museum which she likes but it's quite expensive. she's having her birthday party there this year.

I will involve her more with the cooking. We'll just have to start it earlier. She likes making cheese straws as well. She likes making cakesas well, but dosn't eat them.

I think the repetition thing is probubly due to her SEN's. Although she dosn't play like this with other children. She'll follow their lead and play really nicely.

We also meet up with a HE group once a week. I'm going to join another one too so hopefully there will be more oppertunities to meet with more people.

Well that sounds positive. If she can play nicely with other children then I am sure you can encourage her to play better with you. Perhaps set aside a certain portion of the day, say 15 minutes, and set a timer so you can see that it will end!

The alphabet game sounds like fun but maybe for when she's older. At the moment she finds it extreamly hard to know what sound a word beggins with. When we play eye spy, it's clear she dosn't have a clue. She has auditory processing difficulties and can't hear certain sounds and hears words in a distorted way.
Games like eye spy tend to make her very stressed. It's a shame as I know she'd like this game if she could do it. As she gets older, this might help her.

I like the idea of the timer. That could be usefull for all sorts of things inc TV. That way, she'd know that it wasn't going to last forever and if she becomes bossy or stressed etc then it will end early. It sounds like it could help her to stop being a little madam.

We played eye spy with colours when DD was small, I spy with my little eye something that is BLUE.

I used to be needed to play long games of Monopoly. No one else wanted to do this with DS2.

Eventually I learned how to negotiate before I felt annoyed. I became more honest about being able to play for 30 mins then needing to watch the news for a break. We would agree when to restart the game too.

I'd get all comfortable first as well, a drink and a snack for me to keep me cheerful.

We made up different Monopoly rules, such as doling out the cards between us right at the start or allocating whole sets of properties at the start.

DS2 has learned over time to be more aware of how his playmate (me) is feeling and to be more patient. He is 13 now.

It is all worth it when I look back year by year. The changes are significant and show progress. The game was the means by which he and I learnt all sorts of important things about relationships.

Now she is spending more time one to one woith you , and you are formally "teaching"
her she won't appreciate it as such fun and perhaps take you more for granted. However you too need some space so you don't take her comments so personally and perhaps dh need sot be invovled in her learning too.

How about letting her to make a recipe book as you cook. So one time she just helps and you sing, next time she may help and weigh, then she can cut out pictures of ingredients and put quantities beside them, talk photo of her to record method etc. Then write (or annotate) a comment "I like this recipe because...." Gradually you can build up a book of favourites so she can help choose what to cook and make a shopping list , maybe eventually even pricing it up (from a till receipt).

Spring is coming so maybe get some pots fo bulbs so she can record what appears when, a bird table to let her feed them and observe what birds visit. Can you get her a simple camera so she can take pictures of your walks at different times of year. They can lead on to ideas for poems, stories, pictures etc . Look out for activities at half term and beyond too - story times in local library , features at museums , nT ro English Heriateg properties - all of which could start interests youc an follow up.

I just read your op again and it sounds as if singing is a big success for both of you. I'd build on that.

Thank you. I think it would definatly help if DH was more involved in her learning. That way she wouldn't see him as the fun one and me the strict one.
She does have a camera but the picture quality is rubbish. it's a V-tech childrens one. I know she'd like that though. We have recently bought a bird feeder so maybe a little book of garden birds would be nice.

TooJung- We do both like singing, Lucy loves anything to do with music. We sometimes put on a CD and sing, dance and play instruments to it. We look like nutters but it's good fun.

Could you get her to draw about the game? or plan it before it happens - that's where a lot of creative problem solving happens - she could dictate it to you. Or incorporate anything like signs, pretend books into it. Does she write at all? My four year old can't read but enjoyed writing letters in fairly random order and eventually they started to look like real words. A letter book with a page for each letter, a page a day/week was fun (practice writing letter, then draw lots of things beginnign with) I sometimes do writing with him, using my left hand to make it fairer.