I feel like this isn't working

[angelstar]

Dd left year 7 in nov and I'm not sure HE is working for us. We never seem to get much done :-( I have a 20m at home all day too and a 4 yr old who goes to nursery in the morning. (also 3 others on school all day)
We don't go far as I can't drive and were restricted as have to do 3 school runs a day.
Dd is very quiet and hard to talk to, her main answer is " I don't know".
I try to get her interested in things but she seems to need constant direction with what to do. I get frustrated as she acts like she has a head full of cotton wool but she is a bright girl.
I'm beginning to think maybe she should go back to school as at least then she will get to do more things.

The most important question surely is does she want to go back?

If she left school in November, and it's now January, I don't think its fair to judge yet. Many people suggest you shouldn't even try anything like schoolwork for a time after coming out of school. I think the suggestion may be as much as 1 month per year they have been in school? (Others can correct that figure if it's wrong, but I know it's surprisingly long). So if she left Year 7, you could expect it to take 7 months of deschooling to get her out of both a school mindset (expecting to be told what to do, feeling de-skilled because she's "not good enough" etc), plus the stresses of whatever made you take her out of school to start with.

Leave her to do whatever she likes for a while, even if that seems like "nothing", and don't fret about it. In a few months, you should hopefully see a change in her, as she gradually realises that things are interesting and she could be doing stuff.

How about letting her try to get you interested in things instead?

Is she wandering around the house being "bored" all day? Ask her what she wants to do - NOT something that looks educational, just whatever it might be.

And it is hell doing school runs around HE, by all accounts. Because you just don't get so much freedom. But maybe there are ways of making a virtue out of necessity? Might she enjoy going swimming with you and the little one once a week? Or going to the park for a really good run around? Or getting a season ticket to a local attraction?

you don't have to be doing something that looks like school work to be learning. Does she like to cook? sew? play with the baby?

It is really scarry to begin with and many children take a good year to settle. It also takes time as a parent to find the right approach and it sounds like you are so busy with school runs and young children that it is very hard for you to find the space and time. A lot can be learned by just wittering on eg. when I was pregnant with Jenny can you remember how long it took her to grow. If the child doesn't know, challenge them to find out as much as they can in 20 minutes using the internet and books - maybe a trip to the library. This is showing research skills, sex education, biology and can lead onto the gestation and life cycle of other animals. It can lead to nutrition - what does a pregnant woman need to eat to be healthy and to ensure the child develops properly. Diet can lead to looking at where different foods come from, are grown - geography and history. Diet can also lead to planning a healthy meal for under £4, shopping and budgeting (maths), cooking working out how much iron was in the meal and how many calories and then how long would you have to walk/run/swim to burn off those calories (exercise.)

It takes time to get into the habit of naturally seeing opportunities in everyday life to learn without making it seem pressured. If she is really turned off you could ask her to make a pop quiz for you and your partner (if you have one) to do during dinner - ask her to find out 5 unusual things about animals, 5 about plants, the capitals of 5 countries selected at random from a map etc.

Good luck whatever you decide

Angel -you sound just like me I am HE my eldest dd and have 4 other dc in school and a baby at home.

We are just taking it easy she has started a blog and is spending a lot of time writing poems and learning how to add links and photos.

Your not near Yorkshire are you?

Thanks for all the replies and support :-) we have decided to keep going and review how things are in 6 months time. She really wants to be Home educated and she does seem happy. I'm worried she is bored at home, she said school is more boring. She will spend hours with bits of material making clothes for dolls. I've taught her to hand sew and she has made some phone and iPod socks. I'm hoping to get a sewing machine so she can learn how to use that. We do loads of talking about anything and everything. Thinking about it she does do quite a lot it's just not really like school work, which I guess is the point of HE. She has asked to do a blog so I think we will try and get that sorted.

Making dolls clothes sounds like fun and is educational if you just stop to look at it.

There is maths in measuring and there most certainly is art and design.
She will be engaging in creative play with her dolls in their new clothes, which could be seen as creative stories.
She will be problem solving and will be developing psycho-motor skills including hand eye communication.

You could see if she is interested in looking at the history of costumes and how fashion developed and go along to museums and maybe find some historical reanactment days to attend, and look at all of the costumes.

You could look at the practicalities of the costumes, how the cloths were made through the ages, how the colours were created and spend a fun day doing some tie-dye! (but only for as long as her interest lasts, you don't want her to go off it because you take over and make it too schooly-a mistake I am ashamed to say I did at the beginning!)

One of my daughters was always interested in womens rights and would always be interested in anything to do with it, and so womens costumes, role in the home etc was always a good bet, for interesting her in history and politics and fashion design, and, and, and ......

A blog would be great and she could post pictures of the things she has made.

Talking about everything and anything she is interested in is IMO the most efficient way of educating! You are doing so on a one to one basis and can correct any misunderstandings immeadiately and encourage her to stretch her thinking and ideas.

For what it is worth it took me and dh a hell of a lot longer to get out of the mind set that education means sitting down and being taught and doing 'work', than it ever did the kids!

I'd carry on exactly as you are and you'll look back with great suprise when you see how much she has learned in 6 months time with out any formal work at all!

In the meantime Alan Thomas wrote an artical on 'Informal Learning' it's quite old now but still relevant I think, and it might alsa be worth reading his book How Children Learn at Home

I've had another thought.....or two

What about dyeing your own fabrics from vegetable dye? You could shop for the veg or even grow your own! (running away with ernthusiasm now!) There is lots of discussion to be had around vegetables and that link talks of how North American Indians used veg dye....a whole other topic she might run with!

We have also done a lot of silk painting, which we have made into pictures, and scarves which we have given away as presents, but she could make something for her doll too. it's possible to set the silk paints by microwave now making the whole process easier.

And are you near enough to get to one of the Sewing for Pleasure craft shows?
Often children under 16 get in free when with a paying adult.
If you can, go on a week day and you'll find the stall holders very happy to talk to your lass in quieter periods. This was a favourite activity for years with our dd (and me) and they were treated with great respect by the stall holders who were happy to share their enthusiasm.

Our Dd2 was mad about Lego for ages, she ended up building Lego villages and we talked of the things that made a village successful, like a village store, play areas and post office...and a pub! We discussd arcitecture and house design and things like roofing materials for her village... slate or thatch etc, whenever we were out and about in places that had nice buildings.
It led to discussions on the enviroment and all sorts.

Also she always wanted to buy a big van and convert it into a camper van (she still does) so she started off with Lego designing it, and then we were able to talk about what she would need to include. That year we went to the Boat and Caravan show, and caravan show rooms whenever we came across one. We looked at all sorts of designs and then that led to conversations about scale, and she began to draw scale models of her van.

and all from an interest in building with Lego!

Hope this has been of some help in showing how all these things are educational, as soon as we the adults, start to think outside of the box!
or you can just tell me to shut up!

Do watch Sir Ken Robinson's it's very thought provoking and enjoyable viewing.

I'm hugely in favour of wandering conversations. DS2 and I get short bursts of time together when he wants to chat. For most of the day he is busy with his own interests and doesn't need my input (he is pretty single minded). He just likes me around.

Sometimes I tell him to ask me a question, any question. That's fun. Today it was: why do I put my hair up when he thinks it looks nicer down? That led on to general chitchat rather than me questioning him.

When I notice him using a word I have never heard him say before I can feel glad to be able to observe the process in a way I wasn't before.

Too right about it not looking like school work. I like the way you say that's the point, I'd never quite seen it that directly!

He's happy too. The biggest plus of all.

I have one at school as well, it works out well. We always have a week or so of readjustment after term starts and when the holidays start though.