Why Home Ed? please share your reasons with me :)

[coogar]

Have been lurking here for a few months and wondered why you all chose to home ed. Obviously, recent posts have given me an indication, but would like to know your personal reasons for doing so. I am a parent of a little boy who will very probably be dx with a SEN. He is finding school increasingly more stressful and I am looking at all my options. Do you need to be of 'teacher' standard to do it? I realise your reasons are deeply personal but would really appreciate an insight into home edding, if it worked for you all and how you have found the 'socialising' issue. Many, many thanks!

Hello Cooger.
I don't feel qualified to comment much on on Home edding in general, and I have only been home edding until now insofar as I've been a full time SAHM with my preschool age children. But I can share with you my personal reasons for making the choice. Until recently I would have said that I had been considering HE because I felt that my son would not thrive in the school environment. At 3 yo he is very bright and inqusitive, articulate etc and also extrememly sensitive - he does not feel at all comfortable in crowds, large groups, noisy environments etc. As I see how amazingly he is growing and learning at home, in the wider world and though relationships with extended family and friends of different ages, I don't wish to remove him from what has suited him so well thus far. Plus I trust he he knows very well what interests him and what he wants to do with his time, he gets deeply absorped in activities and play and I don't like the idea of him only learning what other people deem to be important and according to an imposed timescale, being interrupted by school bells, break time etc. I don't want him to 'cover' a subject, I want him to be able to immerse himself in a subject. I'm rambling now.....
What I was going to lead up to saying is that these ideas had led me to considering home education, but until recently it has been a something of a fantasy that I wasn't sure I had the courage to see through. However, with the current curiculum review I am frankly horrified at the thought of handing my son into the school factory that Michael Gove desires where all children recieve a balanced bland education diet day in day out for hours and hours of his life. So DH and I are now resolute that we will be home educating our DC's because we don't want them to be sculpted into well rounded individuals that slot easily into round holes, but just whatever glorious and lopsided indviduals they happen to be, - and surely you can't 'shape' or 'sculpt' a person without doing some damage to them. We want to eel confident that they have had the opportunity to explore as much as possible of this world that intrigues them and keep their spirit of inquiry alive. This I think would be quashed with the changes being made to the education system which presumes to impose more than ever which core subjects a young person 'needs' to study. In doing so it is limiting personal choice so much I feel we will have a whole generation of disillusioned young people who will have never had the opportunity to pursue enough of the subjects they showed aptitude for because they had so many other core subjects to cover. It makes me mad! Not for my kids. No thanks.

This has become a bit of a political rant, but as you said in your OP, I guess people's reasons are deeply personal. FWIW until I had children I was an early years and primary school teacher. I'm not in a position to comment on whether this experience will help me to Home Educate my children yet, but it certainly gave me deep insight into the shortcomings of the school environment. I think it is my qualities as a mother, rather than a teacher that are going to help me on the HE journey.

I hope some more experienced others will be along soon to shed some more light and also talk about the socialisation issue, I don't feel qualified to comment on that!

coogar! Sorry I spelt your name wrong!

Thank you Rub, your post was inspiring'. Good luck!

I home educated our three children, since taking them out of school ten years ago, because of their SEN. They didn't cope well with school, they were bullied (by children and some teachers) and found it all too difficult and were deeply unhappy.

Socialisation was an issue for us.........there was so much of it! We had almost to book stay at home days, as once we got into the swing of things there was so much going on!
Add to HE events, the after school clubs they attended, socialising with cousins and friends and ...........you get the picture.
I have often said on other threads, that our children's social lives were the envy of their schooled peers and cousins.

We have had such a lovely life, we had a ball. My one single regret is we didn't do it sooner and that we ever sent the children to school in the first place!!

I first became interested in home education as a way of delaying my older daughter's school start by a few years. She was bright, sociable, and obedient. I expect she would have done as well in school as anybody. But still I have never liked the idea of diverting four year olds from their play in order to structure their learning. I wanted her to be free.

We loved everything about home education and I was inspired by the happy older HE children we met. Soon I realised that I'd only send her to school if there were a strong reason to do so, and I couldn't think of any! Social life? What Julie said, LOL.

Along came my second child. Knowing what I now did about home education, I would have wanted to HE her regardless what sort of child she was. The fact she has special needs clinched the deal. Here is what I wrote on another home ed list:

Ellie has "special educational needs." Well, not really. If she went to school, she would. That's one reason she's not going to school.

Mentally, Ellie is about 12 months behind her age peers. What effect does this have on her as a home educated child? None. None whatsoever. She will read and multiply when she's ready, without reference to age-related targets. It's a simple approach.

I'm not saying that special needs vanish for ALL home educated children. I'm saying that for kids like my Ellie, mass education with its standard curriculum and strict age segregation defies common sense. Outside of the school system, her special needs are not an issue.

A four year old with a mental age of three needs to be treated as a three year old. This doesn't happen in the school system. The child lands in Reception alongside four year olds, to be exposed to the standard Reception curriculum, which is inappropriate for her. Provided the SEN system works as it's supposed to (though there are plenty of ways it can go wrong), she is assessed and given "extra help" to access this inappropriate curriculum. It's a tortuous process.

Well, that process seems daft to me. To me, that process would be like keeping my daughter's toys on a shelf seven feet high, then lifting her up countless times a day so she can "access" them. Far simpler to keep her toys where she can reach them, giving her independence and unlimited access to the toys. Besides, why remind the child countless times a day that she is too short to reach the shelf, that she has been measured and found wanting, that she needs "extra help"? In fact, there is nothing wrong with her. It's the shelf which is in the wrong place.

Hardly a day goes by when I don't think how wonderful it is that my daughter remains quite innocent of how she compares to other children her age. She doesn't know that her "peers" can produce more than a scribble, remember a nursery rhyme, and read a bit. She mixes with many children in different situations. But without school, there is no hyper-awareness of being "behind." She's an individual who is learning at her own rate and in her own way. She isn't a defective train which can't keep to schedule and must be pushed to "catch up."

You don't need to be teacher standard - because at lot of if can be a learning together thing. You aren't trying to feed them info - just giving them a chance to find things out for themselves because they are interested.

We did it because we were frustrated by the restrictions of the national curriculum. We are 10 months in now and the freedom to do something for 4 days in a row if it is currently interesting is what we love. We can concentrate on things they find confusing until they get it. And it really builds their self confidence.

Socialisation - we still keep in touch with school friends. Others have well developed home ed groups.

But - everyone does it in their own way, which suits their personal setup. All you can do is try it, and be prepared for it to evolve over time.

Do you need to be of 'teacher' standard to do it?

I wonder what you think "teacher standard" is? I have been EHEing for up to 18 years (if you count from birth, considering that I knew I woulod before DD was born). I decided I would do it as I left secondary - because I felt I could have done so much more and not wasted so much time had I not had to go to school.

Incidentally, I do "teach": I was an IT trainer in industry until DD was 2 and I have been an associate lecturer (AL) in the Open University for ten years. Neither of those working experiences has been particularly helpful in EHE (although EHE has probably helped my work as an AL).

Being trained as a school teacher is no specific advantage in EHE because you do not need to prepare schemes of work, etc. It is much more important to be flexible and meet the child's needs as they arise.

EHE is great because you can do whatever you (and your children) want - whether that is a classical education, a practical education or (as for most of us) some mixture in between.

"It's the shelf which is in the wrong place" saracen that brought a tear to my eye. yes, yes, yes.

That would be part of it for me too, OP - the shelves being uniformly placed - but to be honest we said from before we had children that if our children wanted to go to school then fine, we would support them in that, but that given what a massive time commitment school is, and given what an artificial culture a school culture is (compared to life on the outside), the desire would have to come from the children. So far, no-one has shown the slightest interest...

Saracen I think your shelf analogy is the best way of describing the ineffciencies of age related education targets for children {regardless of SEN} that I have ever read. Do you mind if I borrow it?

Saracen your shelf analogy hit the spot with me, too.

Hi, I home educated my son because he had aspergers so my experience may not be relevant or of any use to you. I wrote a short article on my experience and views if you have the time/interest it can be seen on
www.asteens.co.uk/homeschooling.html

People always worry about the socialising - a lot depends on where you live. If there are lots of children your child already knows in the neighbourhood they usually continue to play after school. If there are home education groups then there is plenty of opportunity and other after school clubs etc. There hasn't been a lot of research into home education but what has been done suggests that in late teens and adulthood they are very self assured and able to mix easily with lots of different people and ages. They are often really valued because they are not driven by being one of a crowd but are utterly confident about being themselves and that is a very attractive trait. They have high self-esteem because no one has knocked the stiuffing out of them.

"Saracen I think your shelf analogy is the best way of describing the ineffciencies of age related education targets for children {regardless of SEN} that I have ever read. Do you mind if I borrow it?"

Sure, help yourself!

ThemisA, I loved your article!

"They have high self-esteem because no one has knocked the stiuffing out of them."

And, I would add, because they have spent most of their time with people who love them rather than with people who are paid to look after them. Before I home educated, I would have thought that an odd thing to say, tacky even. But families do usually love each other. Teachers don't love individual children, or if they do then they are not supposed to show it. Surely children's self-esteem must grow if they get a generous dose of love throughout every day rather than just a few snippets in the morning and evening.

Thanks - I absolutely agree. Self-esteem and confidence grows steadliy over time and because parents can tailor the work to the child they do not end up feeling they are 'thick' if they are a little slower in one area. Parents are motivated by love and wanting what is best for their particular child and generally we are pretty perceptive about our children and their needs. From this secure base and because they have not been pushed into separation and independence before they are ready, most seem to have a centredness to them by the time they leave home.

Self confidence, and self esteem were our aims for our home based education.

We decided if we could restore that, which schools had so successfully knocked out of them, by the time they reached the end of their compulsory education age, then we would have done a good job.

With self esteem and self respect, they are equipped to go out and get whatever else they need in life.

I think we suceeded, because they have it now, in spades full, and are happy and thriving in their chosen paths.
The contrast with the unhappy children we took out of school is astonishing.
Home Ed rocks!

Ahhh Julie, whenever I read your posts I feel so enthused. I'm curious, have you ever considered home educating someone else's children? You've enjoyed it so much and have so much experience to offer. I know I get tempted. I have a year old nephew and whenever talk of nursery and school comes up I want to say 'nooooooo give him to me..'

mmmm I know what you mean Shineynewthings but I am a huge believer in having full information for all families, so that parents can make the informed decisions on what is the right choice for their family at any particular time.

but yes I would love to start all over with my children, we had such a good time.

This thread is so encouraging, I'm going to print it out to show my mum.

My reason for HE is that my daughter wasn't making any progress and was very miserable at her small private school which has a fantastic reputation.
She has SEN's and was in a small class which was year 1 and 2 combined. the teacher had no understanding of her needs and made her school life unbearable.

I was advised on MN to HE (so thank you MN and all the lovely people who kicked me up the arse advised me.

I'm so glad I made the decission as I feel I have my old daughter back and we are so much happier as a family.

To be honest though I don't regret not doing it sooner. If I had never sent her to school, I would've thought that her difficulties were all down to me and that HE wasn't working for her. At least now I know that isn't the case and I can relax and enjoy HE more.

ThemisA - Thanks for the link to www.asteens.co.uk I've got a numb leg from sitting here reading it and following the links!

WOW ! So far, so good. Thank you all for sharing your reasons with me .... inspiring and touching

TOOJung - thanks, I'm so glad it was of interest - sorry about the leg though!

It is so wonderful and heartwarming for me to hear so many parents obviously doing such a brilliant job and having to cope with self-doubt (I recall moments of blind panic). I always used to remind myself that we all taught our children quite successfully before the age of five without being self-conscious or pushy or needing a teaching degree. Historically children have learnt what they need to live in their society from being at home and working with their parents.

Themisa your post has made me think a little. Yes, we did used to teach our children life skills at home, but in our modern, fast growing and small world, the demands on our children's generation is so much greater than ours ... does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feeling pressurised by current 'system' ? I flit between thinking it would be great to home ed my ds2, to feeling really scared and unsure about the whole idea - I assume this is quite normal. Why do I feel it's such a radical idea, when it's been done by so many before us?

Although it is being done by many, it is still only about 1% of the school-age population, so you would be swimming against the general tide. I'd suggest that you find a local EHE group and go along (even while your DS is still in school). You'll meet people at all different stages of EHE and it should help to normalise it in your head.

Hi there, I HE my two daughters, 15 and 11. They came out of school at 12 and 8. Youngest came out a year earlier than eldest.

My youngest struggled with school - she was always a square peg in a round hole. She was a bad fit for her year group - academically ahead and emotionally behind. Because of the academic side, they put her into a class of 11 year olds at 8. Emotionally, she needed to be in with the 6 year olds. She was very, very miserable.

Since home ed, she can just be her. She has lots of really good friends now (interestingly, her very best friends are all 8 to 10 year olds) who don't give a jot about where she is academically because it isn't an issue. In school you are given a label so early on, and if you don't fit the norm, you don't fit in. She's now Year 7 and would be at secondary school. There's not a day goes by I'm not utterly, utterly thankful for the decision we made. She would never in a million years cope in a secondary environment - academically she'd be fine but socially she'd be utterly out of her depth. Home ed has given her her childhood back - and so what if she's younger than her peers in maturity? She'll catch up one day.

I feel that it would be the same academically. Some HE children we know can read at 4, others not at 11. But you look at them at my elder daughter's age and you honestly wouldn't know the difference. Only school cares when they learn. Only school sets a target for this learning at this age, for all children. How can that make sense?

As two asides, my eldest, by the way, came out of school mainly because she could see her sister's life was suddenly a whole load of fun! And, I am a primary school teacher. I think it has been more of a hindrance than a help! It's too tempting to try and recreate the classroom at home and I've had to unlearn what works for 30 children, and learn what works for my two specific children, which is a whole different story. So have confidence. You can do it!

Coogar - I totally understand how you feel. I think the more one thinks and questions, and looks at things from every angle the less arrogant and sure one is. If I am honest I spent most of my child's education feeling slightly afraid and having doubts about my approach but deep in my heart I knew it was right for him. We live in a society where home educators are not generally supported I was often subtley undermined/criticised by total strangers who knew nothing about me, my son or home education but felt entitled to negatively comment on my decision. We dare to question whether there is more than one model of education and also question what is education and what and who is it for. We also recognise that each child is different and so needs a different approach. As SDeuchars said we are all swimming against the tide and that is frightening and I don't know about everyone else but generally home educators do not seem to get much praise or recognition from society at large. I suppose I feel that we are all being forced to live in a society that seems to be run by someone else's agenda and whilst it is our job to prepare our children for the world so that they have choices I also wanted my son to realise that some people live quite happily outside the system, making their own communities. I think as long as our children are numerate and literate and taught how to access information, analyse it critically and think for themselves - hopefully regularly disagreeing with us, then they are equipped to get a formal education if they want and need it at any point in their life. My son had his own agenda from 12-16 when he started questioning who is setting the curriculum and for what purpose. He had concerns that the government seemed to be dictating what children learnt and wondered if that was really their job. He spent a lot of time reading around many subjects and learning about different areas, taking his time to choose the area he wished to specialise in and once he made his choice he went all out to get there. If we encourage them to follow their natural gifts and interests I think they find their niche and hopefully have a life long love of learning.