Help please -dd is so unhappy

[comewhinewithme]

Ok DD is 11, she has dyspraxia and dyslexia. She is very small for her age (August baby and was induced due to restricted growth).
She has suffered at school a lot with bullying and has a massive complex about not keeping up with the others and being in the bottom groups.
A couple of years ago I was at the end of my tether and took her out of school and home educated for a couple of months -however during this time I was pg and having a very bad time and I feel we didn't give it a fair shot.
She went back and has slowly lost all of her confidence and is timid and quiet she often bursts into tears.
I have seen evidence of this bullying the school have a pupil games and messenger site and she is ridiculed on it called a midget and asking her if she has had sex yet!
I have shown this to school and nothing was done.
Today she admitted to me that her only friend has told her not to stand with her anymore because she is embarrassing. I really feel for my DD and am very concerned that she is going to be terribly bullied at secondary school (she is not my PFB I have a ds who is doing very well at secondary school).
I want to HE she wants to be HE -we are in a bigger house now and not so isolated and the baby is a toddler and I am in a much better frame of mind.
However when DD went back last time the head made some sort of veiled threat that she would not make it easy if we decided to HE again.
I am not too worried but would like to know if the rules have changed or do I just deregister again?
TIA

If you are in England or Wales, it is easy peasy. Instead of sending her into school tomorrow, you just send in the deregistration letter.

If you are in SCotland, there is a different system, where you have to jump through various hoops first - I'll bump the thread with the advice.

Massive respect to you - your daughter will be so grateful to you for rescuing her.

Can I recommend that you set up playdates with people who home educate but who have rather younger children plus toddlers? So it's ostensibly for your youngest to play with another toddler, but there just happens to be a six year old girl there too, say. We often have older children round to play, and maybe each one only comes a few times, but it really really builds their confidence to be the competent one, and it can also be really healing to be in a situation where paint and play dough and dolls houses are completely socially acceptable.

We are in England Ommm.

You are so right about the younger dc -I have told her that our LO really looks up to her and she you could see her puff up with pride :).

Nothing to do with your op and I think you are right to home ed her, the head and school have let her down massively!

Please please look at this website and consider pursuing the treatment they (and other similar therapies) offer, they really helped my DD

www.inpp.org.uk/

There is a questionnaire on there but treatment def benefits those with dyspraxia and dyslexia

Thankyou Cargirl -I will look properly when DP is in from work and baby is asleep.

I sorry to hear of your daughters situation....its devastating as a parent to know they are so unhappy isnt it?

I Home schooled my son for most of last year - I sent a letter to the school requesting him to be deregistered, contacted the LA (as I didnt want to wait around for someone to contact me!!) and we had a visit from a lovely chap who was very supportive and reassuring about 3 months in.

As it is, ds1 is back at a different (much smaller, child friendly) school now and loving it.

He was also a summer baby who had IUGR so I can really sympathise with you over your concerns for your dd. My sons friends all tower above him and seem able to do things he cant/finds difficult.

The help/support I got from the HE boards on MN, from joining local He groups and even from the LA was great.

If we encountered problems again I would HE again in a heartbeat!!

Good luck x

I don't see what the head of your school can possibly do to 'make things difficult for you' and I'm astonished that he/she thinks it's at all appropriate to be making threats like that! That in itself would be enough to make me take my children out of that school!

Sadly I don't find it astonishing that the Head is threatening the OP. I have been dealing with three different schools on behalf of new home educators since the new year and all have made various threats!

They don't understand the law, and sometimes are mislead by the various LA policies on home education

sometimes they think they know more about home education than we do

and sometimes if they threaten like this, some parents who are not in touch with home educators who know the law, roll over and keep their child in school, because they are scared.

Forgive me for sounding bitter but I am so sick of dealing with LAs and schools acting beyond the law.

Yes, just take her out!!

In my wildest imaginings, I can only think of one single thing that the headteacher could possibly do to you, which would be to maliciously report you to Social Services with the claim that you're mistreating your child. The timing would look very suspicious, however (if the school had genuine concerns, they should've reported you earlier) and SS are used to dealing with malicious accusations.

I think ommmward has a fantastic idea about hanging out with younger kids. I remember a nine year old who was taken out of school after being physically bullied and also teased for wearing pink and talking about fairies. The next day, she was in the park with a load of younger home educated children. They were following her around like she was the Pied Piper. They loved her frilly pink skirt and fairy talk. In a matter of a few hours, she stood up much straighter and began to smile.