HEing a 2yo -should I be doing anything now?

[asouthwoldmummy]

Hi, DS is 2.4 and I plan to HE him. My main concern is not knowing what I should be doing with him at the moment. He is quite a bright boy but is a little delayed with his speech development. I am trying to teach him sign language, which he seems to be doing really well with. He loves looking at books and colouring. We also like doing puzzles and watching cbeebies.

Is this enough at the moment or is there anything else more 'educational' I should be doing with him at this stage?

Have you asked your GP about speech therapy. My dd saw one for a couple of years and she was good at suggesting games that would help her.

I'm wondering why you're planning to HE your ds. Chatting to other little ones is a great way to develop his talking. Perhaps you could visit a few schools to see what they're like and what would suit him.

Regarding your last question absolutely the best thing you an do is spend time looking at books with him.

Thanks byblyofyle. He had a 2-yr check with the HV and I mentioned my concerns about his speech. She recommended doing an assesment at 2.6 and referring him from there. He has a friend who talks non-stop who he usually plays with one day a week, and I sometimes take him to a local playgroup as well (although we probably should go more often).

With regards to HE, there are lots of reasons really. He has a genetic condition and will be in a wheelchair when he's older, which will mean either likely bullying in mainstream school or sending him to a special school, neither of which i like the idea of. I also think 4/5 is too young for full-time education and generally prefer the idea of HE.

We've been home ed from the start and didn't (still don't at 5) do anything formal. We just have lots of fun trying out things and visiting new places. I just try to make sure that there are a variety of things for DD to do at home that are easy to access so she can get books/colouring/puzzles/toys out herself if she feels like it - the available things have changed quite a bit between 2 and 5 :)

I read to her rather than trying to teach her to read or anything like that. She's picking it up anyway at the moment.

Might it be good to try and arrange small playdates - with adults and children around so he can hear more conversation than he might in a large group?

@Byblyofyle : "I'm wondering why you're planning to HE your ds. Chatting to other little ones is a great way to develop his talking."

I think it may depend what the speech problem is. My dd's speech therapist recommended the following for her particular language problem:

1. as much time as possible talking one-to one with adults
2. hearing books read as much as possible

both of which can't happen much at school but will be easy at home. If the recommendations had involved spending time with same-age children, I think playdates might offer more opportunity for that than school. One of the reasons I didn't send my older daughter to school at four was because she talked ALL the time (well, nearly all the time - the rest of the time she was singing!) and I knew she'd be in trouble for talking too much.

And I know that my attitude is unusual, but I'm never convinced there is any great hurry about getting speech-delayed children to talk better. If there is a specific diagnosed problem then it's good to work on it, of course, and results may be better with early therapy. And if the child is going to have to spend time alone with people who can't understand him, it's good to improve his speech rapidly.

But if neither of those apply, what's the hurry? If the child is showing signs of making some progress, does it really matter how quickly? There's no deadline. I often think a great deal of effort and expense goes into accelerating the development of children who are progressing just fine at their own rate. If we tried to accelerate the development of an "averagely" developing child it would be called hothousing and people would find it inappropriate. Why is it OK to hothouse a child who isn't average, in an attempt to make him "catch up"? I'm not willing to push my child hard just because she isn't doing what other four year olds do. So I wouldn't let her delayed development influence me to put her into an environment that I wouldn't normally choose.

Thanks Saracen - that's a big help, I very much agree with your 'unusual' attitude. He probably has around 50 words. Tbh the HV didn't seem too concerned about his speech. I think it doesn't help that my friends DS is 2 weeks older and talks non-stop in full sentences. I'm not sure if her DS is very advanced, mine is behind or both.

Tbh I'm more concerned about whether I'm doing enough from an educational perspective than I am about his speech atm. I know some people will probably think I'm asking about education rather early, it's just got me thinking as my friend's DS started nursery this week.

If you're comparing your son's experience to that of children at nursery, this book may reassure you: Young Children Learning: Talking and Thinking at Home and at School by Barbara Tizard and Martin Hughes.

The authors observed four year old children interacting with their mothers, and compared those conversations to the interactions the same children had with their nursery school teachers. Their analysis showed that even in cases where mums had a low level of educational attainment, were pressed for time because of working or caring for younger siblings, and did not put any value on talking to their children, their conversations were still much more educational than the ones the children had at nursery.

There were several reasons for this. Even very busy mums had more time to talk than a teacher did, they knew their own children well and understood what they were talking about, conversations tended to be longer, mums had no explicit educational agenda and therefore responded to their children's interests rather than trying to "teach" them.

The book is easy to read, because the authors quote extensively from conversations to illustrate their points. I stumbled across it in my library and haven't stopped recommending it since!

Thanks Saracen - I'll have a look for it.

Try to relax. On the talking issue (wrt to your first responder!) Children learn talking best to talk from talking with trusted adults, not from other children (who can't talk well yet). Have you read 'Listen To Your Child' by David Chrystal? It's very good and very interesting.

Anyhow, on the HE perspective, just enjoy him! All the things you are doing with him 'for fun' are, to a 2yo, educational. In our house, the 'rule' is that everything we do must be primarily for fun - not primarily for education. I may see something that looks like learning to me; or I may not...but that doesn't mean that a child hasn't learnt something from it. So far it's working - at the moment I have four children who all know over and above what they would if they were only taught in school/nursery.

Thanks for your replies.

We'll carry on as we are for now and just enjoy it!

Notanotherbrick - I've just ordered the book you recommended, it sounds as though it could be quite helpful, thanks.