DD(11) asking to be home-schooled. I'm keen. DH very negative. Your thoughts?

[tittybangbang]

Posted this on the Secondary Education site on mn. Someone suggested asking here. Very excited - didn't even realise there was a home school board. And how long have I been on mumsnet?

"DD started at secondary in September and has been clamouring to leave for the last two weeks. From our point of view we can't see what the problem is: she's super confident, has made loads of new friends, her teachers think she's fantastic (music, English, science and drama at least).

The school has got a very, very rough intake but is well run and recently received an 'Outstanding' from Ofsted.

She's in top sets for everything but is cruising - I don't think her work is up to much: she's clever but very, very lazy and disorganised.

Years ago the subject of home schooling came up in a casual way and she's hooked on to that. I personally would LOVE to home school her. I only work p/t and am a qualified secondary school teacher. DD turned 11 in August and has a reading age of 15, reads a lot and is very musical. I feel I could do a lot with her, but DH is convinced it's a terrible idea. His view is that she's a lazy hard-head who doesn't take instruction well and that I'm too chaotic and disorganised to make a reasonable fist of it.

My aim would be to prepare her for entry to a performing arts college at 14 - there's a very good one near us that takes children from this age. I've found her a fantastic piano teacher who she's making good progress with and my sister would help out: she's a primary music specialist and a guitarist with a fair amount of experience of writing and recording music. By 14 she'd hopefully be up for a bit more structure and pressure so might enjoy formal schooling more.

I don't think dd is being bullied or that there's any other social reason for her not wanting to stay. I just think she's not enjoying the way secondary is organised: the homework, the moving from room to room during the day, the fractured schedules, the complexity and breadth of the curriculum. I don't think the answer would be to move her and actually this isn't possible anyway as there is no decent school near us that doesn't have a waiting list as long as your arm.

Would very much appreciate you clever ladies thoughts on this. Especially if you've home schooled a child of this age."

Thanks!

I think you would all benefit from reading up about autonomous learning; and connecting with some parents of grown children who were autonomously home educated; and see if that approach might be an option for you. That would take away any worry about her not taking 'instruction' well.

Chaotic and disorganised doesn't appear to have been a problem for many of the autonomous home educators I know - contrary to popular beliefs about how children learn, they often don't actually learn most effieciently through linear, step-by-step tuition.

Have had a brief google. Interesting - very.

But DH would have a heart attack at the very idea.

Hello again, just followed you over here from the secondary ed board :)

Just to repeat myself, I think you need to address what preconceptions your DD and DH have about homeschooling. It may be that you discuss it with them separately.

Perhaps you could talk about how you all envisage it working in a day to day sense - come up with a hypothetical timetable maybe, if you'd want to be structured.

I think you also need to find out exactly what it is about secondary school that she doesn't like, compared with primary. Could she write it down for you? Then you can discuss how homeschooling would address those issues.

It can take a very long time to open your mind up to even learning more about autonomous learning, let alone actually trusting that it might work.

Would he feel more confident reading a book about it? How Children Learn At Home by Alan Thomas and Harriet Pattison is great.

Free Range Education by Terri Dowty is also great for learning about how different families approach HE. It's perfectly do-able to take a structured approach, and you can buy curricula, I think, but mostly from the US.

Maybe you could suggest she comes out for one year, and you see where you are at that point. She's very unlikely to be too far behind at the end of the year if she decides to go back so long as you keep a bit of an eye on the NC over that year, and don't do nothing! You could always give her the condition that she agree/sign up to having a bit of structure to your days - working in the mornings and whatever you like in the afternoons?

I'd just be worried about finding her another school place in year 8 if she did come out. All schools other than the truly terrifying round here are very over subscribed.

Thanks for the book suggestion - will order!

Yes, but I bet you'd find she didn't need to go back in. The year's trial is just so your DH, in particular, is a bit more amenable to the idea. Less daunting than just saying 'we'll HE forever'.

I also think that at 11 she is old enough to help make that choice - a young child wouldn't necessarily understand the implications but your DD should be able to. Have a chat with her and let us know how you get on - if any of you have any concerns this board is a great place to vent them and be reassured.

I think a year's trial would be a great idea. It sounds like your daughter is far enough ahead at this moment that even if she learned nothing at all in the next year - and I assure you that won't happen - she would not be behind her classmates.

As for your worries that you'd be unable to get a school place at a school you like, if HE doesn't work out: does "very oversubscribed" mean children can't get into Year 7, or does it mean they can't get into other years either? If you're home educating, you often have an advantage when it comes to getting into the school you want. That's because you can afford to sit tight and wait. Children are bound to move out of the area and places will become vacant, especially if there are several schools you'd consider. More than likely, there will be few other families hanging around waiting for those places. Those who couldn't get their children in immediately will have resigned themselves to putting their children into whichever school has a vacancy. Then once the children have settled it's hard to want to move them, unless they hate their school. That's how it is around here, anyway: no problem getting into the upper years if you are willing to wait a few months. Check with your local schools and see if they say the same.