Considering HE, need some advice

[Pacermint]

My dd is only 2 so nothing imminently needs doing, but I have been watching this board and doing a bit of googling into home ed recently, and both DH and I are intrigued by the idea. I would like to talk through some concerns:

Firstly, do you think it's better to send her to school at 5 and see how she gets on? If she's one of the lucky ones that thrives and loves school, perhaps it's not fair of us not to give her that option. On the other hand, if we never send her to school, she'll never know what she's missing. Will she be missing something? What are the pitfalls (if any) of HE for the child?

Secondly, we don't have much money. Will that make a difference to the quality of education we can give her? Such as not being able to afford lots of trips etc.

Thirdly, she is an only child. Will it matter if she doesn't spend much time with other children? What if I have another child - is it much harder HE 2 children at once or not really any different?

Sorry, I know there's a lot of different questions there. And that's not all the questions I have either! Just for starters. If you can answer any of them at all, I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Thanks.

do you think it's better to send her to school at 5 and see how she gets on?

No. If she wants to try it later when she is more resilient, then she can do. If she goes at 5 and you take her out at 7, she'll have spent 1/3 of her life learning how to conform to school rather than how to learn at her own pace. It is harder to learn to organise your own learning than it is to learn how to conform, so going from HE to school is easier than the other way around.

What are the pitfalls (if any) of HE for the child?

I don't know of any, in general. There may be specific pitfalls for a specific child, but that goes for all of us - if we do (or do not) attend a specific meeting, the course or our life may (or may not) change...

Secondly, we don't have much money. Will that make a difference to the quality of
education we can give her? Such as not being able to afford lots of trips etc.

I don't know many EHEers with much money. What you do is spend the money you do have wisely and on what meets your needs, rather than the school's - e.g. not on school discos or going to films that your DD is not particularly interested in but the class are doing. EHEers get good at finding free and cheap stuff. Until she is 8-9, you can get away with spending very little - libraries, charity shops, cheap shops, gifts from family are all good sources of resources. It can still be quite cheap when older, but you might want to look at sports lessons or clubs, music lessons, etc. There is potential for swapping or sharing those with others.

Will it matter if she doesn't spend much time with other children?

No, not for years. Many people do not find the "30 children for 30 hours a week" thing very helpful. A child who has less frequent sessions with others is likely to enjoy the time she does have and will make better friendships - school classes are full of acquaintances, not friends. EHE children tend to be friends with all ages, not a narrow band.

What if I have another child - is it much harder HE 2 children at once or not really any different?

Much easier, IMO, to HE two than to drag a baby/toddler to school. You can do things together, just at different levels. IME, it fosters good relationships between siblings - there is no inherent discrimination because school is stratifying on age.

I agree with everything SDeuchars says.

How I wish I had never sent mine-took so long to undo the damage done.

We home educated three on a very limited budget-right through to FE college. We used Ebay/Freecycle/Car Boots and Charity Shops, we rarely paid full price for anything and rarely bought anything new.

In my experience home ed children may not spend time every day with other children, but when they do they spend much longer with them-with no restrictions on time, because of needing to go to bed early for school next day, or because they have to do homeowrk etc.
Our children spent weeks every summer in the company of other home ed children at home ed camps and gatherings, from May til Sept.
and of course they were involved with loads of after school clubs between them.

Personally I found it so much easier to home educate our three together, than it ever was to send them to school!

Thumbs up to what SDeuchars and julie said.

If you are worried that your daughter might be missing out by not going to school - or that she might wrongly feel that she is missing out - you could let her try school when she is older. Five is very young to navigate an institutional environment more or less alone: one or two adults to 30 children means children are left essentially to their own devices emotionally.

Even my very confident and outgoing older daughter would have suffered in some ways if she'd had an early school experience, I am sure. She would have lacked the detachment and maturity not to take it personally if she didn't fit in, if the work was too difficult or too easy for her, if the teacher told her off for things which weren't her fault. Like most young children, she would have accepted the situation and felt that she was somehow to blame.

Given the choice, quite a few home educated children do try school at some point. This is no surprise: they are bound to be curious about this nearly-universal experience. Besides, everyone and his brother are constantly telling home educated children what fun school is. Older children who arrive at school with a good bit of life experience and perspective under their belts, and who have a choice about whether to stay, often emerge from the experience unscathed.

If your daughter wants to check out school, it could be a useful experience. But there is no hurry. There are risks if she goes when she is too young - read any mainstream parenting message board for confirmation of the trauma school causes some children! - and there's little to be lost by waiting.