Home edders - how do you cope with no time to yourself?

[Peabody]

I am a SAHM with two kids aged 3yrs2mths and 20mths. My husband works full time.

I have been intending to home ed for some time now - have done lots of reading, met up with local groups, and am convinced it is the right thing for the children.

However, I am starting to find it hard not ever getting a break from the kids. I love them dearly but I do need some time to myself. I am finding that by the evening I am too exhausted to do anything but Mumsnet.

I love taking them out on trips, to meet friends etc, but the more time I spend doing this, the less time there is for the housework, cooking etc. So that slips and then we live in squalor and eat junk, which means I am a Bad Mother.

So I am now racked with guilt about the future. I really want to home ed. But I'm not sure I'll be able to cope.

Does anyone have any advice or tips or hope for me? All comments will be gratefully read.

When they are little I would make use of playgroups locally - give your self a break for an hour or two.

As they get older it is much easier because they can do things on their own - you don't have to be continually supervising.

I have only just started HE with mine (age 7 and 8) - but to be honest when they were 3,4,5 ish I really did need a break from them in a way that I don't feel the need now.

As they get a bit bigger they can also help with cooking and housework (all part of life skills they need to learn).

I am sure others will be by soon who have had direct experience of HE with littlies.

I frequently go to town on my own on a Saturday afternoon, just to get away from everyone. Sometimes I do a bit of shopping; sometimes I meet a friend for coffee; sometimes I just go and have a coffee by myself. It gives me a break!! I also ensure that I go out once a week to do something for myself - I dance and really enjoy that - so I give that as much priority as all my children's activities.

And yes, the housework gets easier as they get bigger and can help more!! We tend to tackle a room at a time and do it as a team (working as a team is very important for HE children as they don't get the opportunity to do it in school !) So it gets done much quicker and then we watch a film or play a game!

Firstly, you get more and more efficient as time goes on at maintaining a house and a family at the same time!

Secondly, you just have to make sure you get time to yourself or you will burn out. Ask for help and don't feel guilty about it. Do you have any family around who could have the children for a couple of hours once a week so you can go window shopping, or out for coffee with a friend, or have a long bath and read a book?

Even better, can your DH take the children off your hands for a whole day every few weeks so you can really, really recharge your batteries?

People who do paid work kind of have to have days off and annual leave because it's accepted that they'll get crap at their job eventually if they don't have proper breaks. SAHMs don't get that luxury from their job, and need to make sure they find a way to create those breaks.

I feel for you! I am by nature something of a loner, and found myself with a very sociable, in-your-face, high-maintenance child. Her early years were totally exhausting, which is why we ended up with a big age gap before I felt ready for another. But the older she gets, the easier she gets.

I echo what everyone else says!

1. Little kids are very hard work. Most children get far easier as they get older, especially if they are happy because they are getting their needs met rather than being stressed out in an environment that doesn't suit them. They may be willing to entertain themselves regularly for an hour or more while you have time to yourself off in another room.

1. Compared to schoolchildren, home educated children have a lot of time on their hands! For them to do an hour or two a day of housework is not asking much, if most of the rest of their day is spent playing. You can give them the choice: "Look, I really need this housework to get done today. If you help me this morning then we can go out to the home ed group and park this afternoon, otherwise we'd better stay home so I can finish it."

1. You don't have to look after them yourself all the time. You could do a childcare swap or regular playdates with another HE family - having a few extra kids round for the afternoon is not THAT much trouble, and you'll be rewarded with a child-free afternoon in return. Or work part-time while sending the children to a childminder or after-school club; I found that to be a nice break from my daughter.

Wait and see how your children develop. You don't have to decide now. If you do come to home educate, you could take it a year at a time, and hold onto the likely prospect that everything will get easier year by year.

Well, I'm currently sat on the bed with the laptop chilling! Not quite sure where the girls are . TV sounds like it's on Spongebob, so guessing DD2 is down there watching it. DD1, I think, is probably in her bedroom.

The thing is, after they've had time to settle to it, having children at home all the time is nothing like having the children at home after they are tired and grumpy from a long day at school, if you see what I mean. They get very good at amusing themselves, because work, even if you are quite structured, doesn't take very long on a one to one.

DD1 has just finished a whole module of the GCSE maths course, and DD2 the complete Y7 maths, in about 4 weeks. So we're having a bit of a break now. They went ice skating this morning so I had a couple of hours in Costas there chatting to the other parents. On Weds they went on a sleepover and I didn't collect them until yesterday evening. There tends to be much more of that sort of stuff goes on in the week as people aren't tied to school.

I couldn't really imagine it until I did it, but I'm really not tied to the kids all day. It does get easier as they get older, I have to admit, and I think mine being older maybe gives me a bit of a different experience. Yours are very young and even by the time your eldest is school age, you'll see a difference. Contrary to popular belief, it's my experience that home ed children get very independent very young, and that helps.

By the way, I'd live in squalour and eat junk to a certain extent, and not worry about it. Sometimes instead of working we have a tidy up day and blitz the house. The rest of the time I mostly ignore it - a messy house is a small price to pay for happy children!

I'm not sure what else I can say to help, except grab your chances when you get them. Get to know other home ed people who will have your kids sometimes in return for you having theirs. Sign your eldest up for activities they might like once in a while, so you get a break. Another year on and there will be much more of this kind of stuff available to you. All preschoolers are hard work - it does get a whole lot easier, I promise.

Thanks to everyone for your helpful replies. I feel much happier now as you have all promised me that things will get easier when the kids are older.

(Also, I have booked them into nursery for two mornings a week - just until that happens!)

I HE DD (6) and DS (4) goes to kindergarten (like nursery) 2 days a week.

I try to get my mum to have the kids overnight now and then, but she is very anti HE so I can't say its because I need a break, I just say its because they love her

I have had to accept that I actually can't keep the house in order and HE well. I just can't. Generally the house gets messy, and then now and then I have a breakdown day and totally neglect the kids while I try to claw back some order in the home.

I cook 2 massive meals each weekend, then split each one, so = 4 dinners for the week and freez them, so this frees up time and means we don't eat too much expensive crappy food.

HTH