Being in my home is getting me down

[YellowBlueStar]

We moved to a house that needed updating four years ago. My dh had recently retired and wanted a project. He has done all the diy/decorating himself but nothing is done properly. I don't know whether he used the wrong paint or didn't prep properly but paint is chipping off the doors/skirting boards. Everything he painted has big drips/blobs of dried paint. He never covers anything to protect when he's painting so the furniture, floors have paint splats on them. The shower tray is chipped where he dropped it. So is the kitchen worktop. Some of the flooring that he laid is coming up already. I could go on. I just hate being in the house as all I see are things that need re doing. If I try to say anything to him I am told to stop nagging, that I am being too critical and that nothing he ever does is good enough for me. I have tried a few times to sand down the drips/blobs but there were so many of them, it felt overwhelming and I ended up bursting into tears. It's got to the stage where I go out on my days off and I'm too embarrassed to have people round. It's such a shame as it's a lovely looking house in a great location. I just hate being inside it. We can't afford to get people in to do the jobs so that's not an option. Not sure why I'm posting. Just wanting to vent I suppose.

Bursting into tears is ridiculous. Did you help at all with any of the work? It sounds like he’s broken his back doing his best when you can’t afford to pay people to do it. It’s not up to him to be skilled at all this.

You either do it yourself if you’re not happy, or you pay someone to do it to your standard.

There are numerous YouTube videos on DIY which you could have a go.

You are being too harsh. What she has described does NOT imply that he has "broken his back doing his best." If someone painting a wall cannot be bothered to lay down drop-cloths, which takes all of a few minutes, or do the proper prep work of sanding/scoring/priming for paint that will last, then they have absolutely no business doing the work.

What she has described is embarrassing, and anyone that has a little self-respect and care for how their home looks would possibly burst into tears at the sight of all the lazy, poor work that her husband has done.

She is not being too critical. He could easily take the time to "learn" how to do something before he does it, and then rather than rush through the job, do it properly.

You’ll have to tackle it yourself then op!

all doable.

bit by boy you can restore it and do it properly. It sounds very rushed. Did you buy good quality paint?

I work. He's retired.

Yes, this. He doesn't take time to properly prepare and it frustrates me that most of the issues wouldn't be there if he did. It's that and also the fact that he buys cheap paint/tools.

Yes, and given he is the one with time on his hands, he has the time to "learn" and do the job correctly.

Agree with the others - it's either him, pay someone or do it yourself. As the pps have said, lots of tutorials on youtube.

I'd love to hear how you get on, you might become an inspiration to us all.

You're not in my shoes so please don't tell me that bursting into tears is ridiculous. I just want to come home from work to a home I can relax in. You say it's not up to him to be skilled at this but anyone, skilled or not, knows to cover things before you paint.

Thank you. There's so much to fix, I don't know where to start.

Well, whats the most recent thing you complained to him about? Maybe start with that. After all, you expect him to start doing it.

She literally says that they moved there because he was retiring and wanted a project - so it’s not that they were stuck there and he’s had no choice, this was his choice.

Id be annoyed and upset too op.

That will be the bathroom. He painted the ceiling and there are now dried blobs of paint on the shower, sink, loo, radiator, shelves. I pick bits off when I can - maybe I just need to go for it and have a good old picking off paint session.

Do it yourself OP or pay someone to do it.

You have already said this multiple times. Enough already. If you want to be unproductively rude or you are searching for a punching bag to release your own pent up hostility, go outside and punch rocks.

I’ve posted twice on the thread.

I’ve no time to punch rocks. I’m taking a break from renovating and decorating my own house.

I totally get you and I’m exactly the same about my house. I can see every little defect that most people won’t. I hate being in my house too. So, I’ve decided I will pay a ridiculous amount of money for a full house remodel. It makes no financial sense but my mental health is deteriorating because of the house.
I do too burst into tears about it.
Ig you can afford to have professionals to do some of the jobs would help. Or maybe you and your husband could work more together. There’s no reason why you wouldn’t be able to do most of the DIY jobs (youtube!).
But not having people over is silly is as nobody would notice the things you do!

I’d be furious tbh . My mum had a similar problem in that her exh wouldn’t pay for anyone to do anything and every single job has been bodged and looked terrible . Now he’s gone she is paying to have everything redone . Some men seem incapable of not seeing how bad their work is , either that or they just don’t care . OP you’ve got a husband problem . He’s just slapped paint everywhere with no thought or preparation.

So that it helps you to feel better right from the start, can I suggest you tackle one room at a time so that you can see things starting to look better, rather than a more scatter-gun approach across the house (so tackling all the paint blobs in all the rooms for example)?

That way you will provide yourself with somewhere that feels more comfortable that you can relax in...and that will give you confidence and energy to tackle the next one.

YANBU to be upset. He has the time, he wanted to take this on, he should put the work in to doing it properly. Does he have form as a DIY bodger and what does he think of the quality of his own work?

Can you afford to pay for it to be done properly (perhaps he could find some part time work to contribute to cost…?)

I live in a half finished house so I feel your pain. My husband’s like yours too, he isn't patient enough for a tidy finish so I’m the decorator 😂

It is really depressing and overwhelming after a while. The only way to get through is to break it down - put a podcast/music on and a half hour timer and sand as many drips as you can or cover half the room and paint one wall. You can’t fix it all overnight but consistently chipping away is the only way to move it along.

To be fair, I'm a bit like your dh. I don't notice chips and blobs on paintwork and it just doesn't bother me. It's the overall effect that I look at. Everyone is different. I'm sure that nobody who comes to your house is judging it. But equally I can see that if you're living in it and it bothers you, it will do your head in. I don't think there's a right or wrong in this. Just different standards.

Yes! Even though bathroom surfaces are probably quite easy to get paint off it sounds like it could be worth investing in a decent paint scraper and a supply of replacement blades if you’re going to tackle other areas. Line up a podcast or audiobook and something to kneel on and go go go.

Obviously take before and after photos so you can admire your handiwork (and share, if you feel like)

I can tell by your post that you are easy-going and probably a good person to have in one's life, but I am going to push back a bit on your statement that "the overall effect" which is your standard is not necessarily wrong, just different.

Yes, there is some truth to that statement, but only as it applies to everyone else with that standard.

Your approach of being concerned with the "overall effect" rather than the detail is the "Monet Tactic," as in the artist Claude Monet. From a good distance, his works are a beautiful harmony of color, form and subject, but up close, if one only looks at a portion, it can appear disordered and chaotic, and without the big picture, problematic. But, fortunately, in the artist's case, people judge the sum of all parts, typically, rather than noticing and judging based on the detail.

But that is a framed painting or canvas that is placed on a clean, professionally painted wall. Home improvement projects are not the same. A chipped kitchen counter . . . a damaged shower basin . . . paint splatters on the floors and tile . . . are not a work of art. So, while other people who subscribe to the Monet view of judging a project won't necessarily find fault, people like the OP and others concerned with the quality of all the parts that make up the whole, will find fault, and see a problem.

And here is where things do shift, in my opinion, from just being "different standards" to "being good and bad standards" or "high quality vs low quality standards." A person that is detail-oriented with high standards creates an end- product that people with both perspectives or standards will not find fault with, while a person who is NOT detail-oriented and has lower standards, and only cares what their work looks like from a distance will have their work disappoint people of high-quality standards.