How much to refurbish / redecorate home I don't like

[Oakbutterfly]

Hello,

I could do with some tlc responses. Feeling really crappy about the house I bought earlier this year. Whilst I'm hugely grateful to be able to buy a property, I have got myself into a right mess... and would appreciate some supportive ideas. Please keep the following in mind:

• I find home redecoration hugely overwhelming.
• I find moving home really, really overwhelming.
• I'm a single woman in my late 40s, and let's just say working hard on the self care as feeling very vulnerable.

I moved out of London a couple of years ago - as I've been living in a tiny one bed flat in zone 2 for 19 years. It's progressively felt noiser etc etc. I found Covid hard. My health means I can only work part time, so I felt a bit trapped. But I'm lucky that I paid of my 20 year mortgage and could be a cash buyer.

I couldn't decide where to move after a huge search of all the usual suspects, so moved in with my parents for what was meant to be 6 months and ended up as 2 years (too long!). My sale took ages (foreign buyer, both of us chain free), after a year at my parents I finally I found a house loved so much to buy in a liberal university city near a dear friend - I was so happy, but after a 9 month conveyancing it fell through, and I ended up having a bit of a breakdown at losing it and the whole process. During said breakdown I got back together with an ex-girlfriend from 15 years ago who had married a guy, had kids and now divorcing him and coming out and had been pursuing me for two years. She persuaded me not to move to where I was going, and to move nearer her... I was so desperate to get out of my parent's place and having been single for so long.. was so happy to be with someone I could build a future with that I bought a chain free fairly modern house near her...

Anyway - she dumped me a few weeks before completion (realised she has an avoidant attachment style and withdraws when things get real), and I had a total meltdown on completion day moving somewhere I didn't want to be after such a long search (over 7 years!) in a house I didn't want to live in.. I feel such a fool.

I hate it here so much. The house doesn't meet my criteria in so many ways - It's too small. Needs a new kitchen, new floor, the layout isn't good, the windows upstairs are all too high and I feel like I'm in a prison. I work from home most of the time so I feel like I'm trapped in a prison. The garden is north facing, bleak, with no flowers and the living room is dark and cold. I hate the new town. Apart from a wonderful walk near the canal near me, everything else just feels awful. I'm missing London terribly and spend as much time as I can travelling back there (40 mins on train, 45 min walk / 15 min cycle / 5 mins cab to station)

I've done my best to try to improve things slowly - spending way more that I'd wanted to - on new desk, chest of drawers, wardrobe, filing cabinet, bedspreads, taps, new carpet upstairs, new lights etc..to cheer me up... but it also does need a new kitchen, new flooring downstairs, old gas fire removing and huge radiators replacing..

So if you've managed to get this far, well done!

My dilemma is mainly about how much I spend on the house now... as I really want to escape, but it's making me miserable living in what looks like a rental property...

My therapist is telling me not to make any rash decisions to escape straight away. I've applied for a masters in a Scottish city, but will probably defer that for a year if I get accepted as I need major gynae surgery in August. But that feels like one escape plan. Others are to move back to London where I work (a bit further out) or to move to Oxford near my friend (don't love Oxford, but love my friend).

So do I replace the 25 year-old tiny worn out kitchen (will probably cost £6-7k)? and the laminate flooring which has big gaps in (will prob cost a £1-2k)? And do I get the ugly gas fire removed? Do I continue to spend money on the garden? Will it add any value? People tell me don't do the kitchen as buyers will just rip it out - but I was looking for somewhere that didn't need any work (before I lost my mind, ironically!)

I think I overpaid for the properly at £395k - as my surveyor valued it at £385k. I sold my London place for £450k.

I was half hoping to rent it out if I moved to Scotland to help me rent somewhere there, but people are saying this would be stressful. I don't have much income to pay the rent though... so selling and living off that money would be a bit high risk.. especially if house prices go up...

I earn about £24k per year, but own the house outright.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed by all the decisions and worried I'm going to haemorrhage money on this place, which I will probably need if I buy somewhere else... but equally it is miserable living in it at the moment... Nothing feels right about it apart from perhaps the peace and quiet. I'm just throwing away lots of my stuff as I don't want the hassle of having to move it all again.. but I still have loads in the loft and shed..

Have just started on medication to put me into menopause before my surgery to shrink my fibroids so not feeling the most buoyant tbh. I'm also worried about the recover from my surgery - going back to live with parents, and living here on my own.. And I'm still trying to decide on whether to have myomectomy or hysterectomy given I'm childless at 47 (consultant thinks myomectomy, but I think he just doesn't want to see me unhappy about not having kids)...

Any thoughts on the practicalities of the house refurb welcome! Just so overwhelmed by it all...

Can re post that with just the info about the refurb and the general area of the country?

How big is the house? Does it need any work eg windows, roof? New bathroom and kitchen or can these be revamped? Are you able to paint yourself?

We are in a slightly similar position to you of wanting to move but it not quite being the right time but really not liking the kitchen. So we got new cupboard doors. It made the kitchen feel a lot better and a lot more like "our kitchen". Really cheap compared to getting it redone and the wlholes were already drilled so a quick job to replace them

You have a lot going on. Be kind to yourself. I agree with your therapist that you shouldn’t make any snap decisions. What would improve the experience of living in the house for you now? I know that when we bought a house (a ex-rental) we didn’t much like, and knew we wouldn’t stay long in, we did things that would improve our experience of living there only. We painted the whole house white inside, replaced the bathroom (avocado with carpet), put coir matting on the floors, repainted the dated but inoffensive kitchen cabinets, and grew a wisteria up over the porch. Think about what would lift your heart and make it feel less oppressive.

If you move now, you will lose money, it is just a question of how much. I wouldn’t do any work as most of the time you will spend more than you will gain in home value. Estate agents may be able to advise on specifics though- there might be some things that make a major difference in valuation. You aren’t paying rent / mortgage and on your salary wherever you move it will likely eat into your equity, so I would carefully consider my next move.

if it were me, I would try to get a grip on other things making life difficult before moving. Health has a massive impact on happiness, so your health concerns are likely compounding your unhappiness - if you can address some of that you might be in a better frame of mind to make decisions..

I would think of everything you do in terms of helping the house to sell when you do move on. So make choices that are nice but not too personal and don't spend too much money. Just make it look nicer. That said I'd probably chuck money at the rooms I spend the most time in so I'd have at least 2 spaces that I really liked.
I'm actually a big fan of just moving if a house doesn't suit me. I know it's stressful, but so is living somewhere you don't want to be. My environment has a huge effect on my mental health.

Seems you can't really choose your next move until your medical issues are resolved and you know if your masters application is successful. So make the most of where you are if you'll be there for potentially another couple of years. Oxfordshire is lovely, I wouldn't go back to London. I'd suggest spending a lot of time in the places you are considering, go stay with your friend if you can, see what it's like to live where she lives. Take lots of trips.

Yes to removing the gas fire, or upgrade it, then the lounge could be warmer because you'll use the fire. Embrace that the room is dark, paint it a soft warm colour and add some lamps, make it cosy. Cushions, rugs, blankets, a nook to read in, flowers on the windowsill, beautiful curtains. Imagine a room that is like being hugged and make it look like that. It won't necessarily add value but it will help you feel happy in that room.

Kitchens do add value so I would probably tackle that. If the kitchen cabinet carcasses are in good shape and the layout is ok then just replace the doors, or paint them and pop on new handles. And maybe a new worktop if needed.

Radiators can be fairly inexpensive to replace, but I'm not sure I'd bother unless they are damaged or not working well. I don't think people walk into a house and immediately think I won't buy this as the radiators aren't great.

What's underneath the laminate? If it's floorboards I'd probably give them a quick sand down and paint them. If it's concrete I'd put down lino. Carpets in other rooms except the kitchen or rugs down on a painted wooden floor.

Not a lot you can do about the size of the upstairs windows without spending a bit of money, I mean you could get them resized, it's not a difficult job, but it would be expensive and you might have to apply for planning permission for the ones at the front, so it's hassle. And it wouldn't add value. So gorgeous curtains, and strategically hang large mirrors to catch the view so you can see outside not just from looking out of the window. I'd also suggest hanging art on the walls so that you have lots of beautiful things to look at.

I probably wouldn't do too much to the garden but if plants make you happy buy a few things that will get to a decent size quickly and pop them in, and I'd add a tree. Silver birch grow pretty quickly and are very attractive, or an ornamental cherry if you want it to flower.

Best of luck.

Thanks - was thinking of this - but not sure it would work as the units are in a bad condition - peeling, rusty etc - or doesn't that matter?

Hello - yes I'm in Herts / Buck border area. Two bed house built in 2000. End of terrace - three cottages. Needs new kitchen and new flooring downstairs. Also possibly to remove old gas fire in living room.

If you are miserable move - there are too many times when I’ve felt low mood and blamed my self not the situation and I need to pull myself together and told myself not to be rash, when actually I just needed to get out of the situation - once was a house, once was a job and once was uni course and all of these situation were huge factors in my poor wellbeing.

You can get consent to let your current property and rent somewhere else. As an alternative for a a few years? Move back to parents is what I did. I was that miserable.

Can you check what the realistic ceiling price is for your property if done up to a reasonable standard? Might give you an idea of a sensible overall investment?

In terms of the emotional side, would thinking of this project as a trial for your next, forever home, help? Use it to figure out styles, colours, techniques etc that you could use when you find ‘the one’?

You'd need to take them back to a sound surface, so scrape off anything peeling and sand back anything rusty. Fill any holes or ridges with filler, sand and make it all smooth. Then paint.
A few years ago I lived in a rental property and my dog decided one afternoon to have a nibble on the peeling cupboard fronts. He tore half of the vinyl wrap off several. I had to fix it or risk losing my deposit. I used filler on the torn edges and sanded it down, then spray painted to match the original colour. It looked brilliant afterwards, you couldn't tell they'd been damaged at all.

Thanks - yes I think I need to have a chat with the estate agents.

Sorry you are having to go through this on top of your health issues @Oakbutterfly, and agree you need to be kind to yourself above everything else.

There has already been some great advice and suggestions on this thread, so I'll just add my own experiences of - twice - buying the wrong place. I was extremely fortunate to have the support of DH and honestly don't know how I'd have got through without him.

1. We bought what I strongly believed was the 'dream' house, in a less than perfect location. Hours from family - my dad had recently died and my mum who was on the late stages of dementia was in a nursing home 200 miles away. Even though she was self-funding, I was informed I couldn't move her closer without jumping through loads of hoops as they didn't think it was in her best interest. Then, within three months, she too died. The house was amazing, but needed tons of work. We'd just come out of a lengthy DIY major renovation project and I really didn't feel like taking on another (in hindsight we were both burnt out, plus I had some ongoing health issues)..but the house was so beautiful I couldn't resist buying it.

I hated the area - so far from family, friends and the sea/familiar landscapes. We began work on the house, then our enthusiasm - and money - ran out. It now looked worse than when we'd bought it. We'd paid cash and didn't want to start borrowing.

After a very short time we put the house into a traditional auction and sold at a loss.

2. We couldn't afford to move back to the expensive area we were from so bought somewhere completely new to us, where we could afford another detached house with a bit of land. We thought this would enable us to make a fresh start, maybe get some animals (sheep, chickens etc) and have a completely different way of life...but it was such a culture shock and I was obviously still grieving my parents.

This time we realised putting it straight back onto the market would be a bad idea as it had previously taken four years to sell. We had to do anything/everything we could to add value or we'd never get back 'home'. So we threw everything we had at it and created a stunning home from a dilapidated wreck.

It took 6 years to renovate on a tiny budget (we even built our own oak framed windows for an existing extension), but we sold for way more than double the price we'd paid, enabling us to buy a cottage back amongst family and friends on the south coast!

I'm not sure if there's a moral to my story...or if there's a right/wrong way to approach this. Obviously the second house we bought would have theoretically increased in value anyway...although no way would it be worth what we sold it for as its a very cheap location where properties traditionally sit on the market for ages unless they're very special. We sold in four months.

The previous house had a basic makeover (no rewire/heating upgrade, although they did add a high-end kitchen, two wood burners and garden office, plus redecoration/carpets) and just sold for £200k over what we'd sold for seven years ago. I can't help but think if only we'd been able to complete the work, that could've been us (it would have enabled us to afford a better house down south), but we'd just lost heart.

I think perhaps in your case @Oakbutterfly I'd make your home as cosy and welcoming for you as possible without spending a fortune (art, textiles, paint - all of which can be obtained relatively cheaply) and once you're in a better place health-wise, look at selling. Just don't make any rash decisions!

What struck me is that you “spent more than you wanted to” on quite normal everyday things like a desk.

If you want an attractive, comfortable environment you need to appreciate that there will be an associated cost.

I get you don’t like the house, and so pouring £ in it seems nuts. But you do live there, for now, it sounds like your health would benefit enormously from feeling a level of belonging so make your home nice.

Get a new kitchen and replace the floor. Pull out the gas fire and consider that the cost is necessary. It is necessary. Houses need investment in upkeep and that costs money. You aren’t paying rent or a mortgage, invest in your asset and wellbeing by sorting out the things that need sorting out .

Look at the house as if it were a B&B you rented for the weekend. What could you reasonably put in a negative review? Are things broken, downright grubby, floor with holes?

Change those. So yes to new laminate, yes to a very good deep clean, yes to handymen repairs.
Then accept the expensive-but-fine-for-an-airBNB-I-guess-stuff (kitchen) for now, post it online saying what type of stuff you do like, and get good advice and what things you so like do not clash with the kitchen. The trick to not changing yet accepting it, is by filling the kitchen with stuff that isn't incompatible with the ugly parts. You want the ugly to "fade in", if you wish, rather than "compensate" which only highlights the ugly.

For furniture and stuff that you would move, already buy what you would put in a pretty house!

Oh, and good lighting does wonders. And you can take the expensive lamps with you if/when you go.