Ashamed of my house when new people come over

[marshmalloo]

This is a real problem for me and always has been, daughter got a new friend coming over today and I feel such shame of the house when welcoming new people.

Live in a humble, but perfectly fine house.

Every single flaw jumps out to me viewing it through new visitors eyes.

It's really quite irrational and wonder if I'm alone ?

Set aside the shame and concentrate on the welcome. It's how people are made to feel that they'll remember, not some house decor issue that is of no relevance to them.

Maybe try to work through where the shame comes from and let it go.

Oh my god don’t feel like this !!!
mots your home

I feel like this too :(

If you feel you really want to make a difference then you could take it room by room, declutter and buy some nice house plants etc

This is the irrational part , the house is clean and tidy - and nicely decorated. Fresh flowers out, candles burning, hoovered, clean, comfortable.

Fundamentally id like it to be bigger/nicer but it's not cluttered or tatty.

This is why I think it's some sort of deep shame issue rather than a house that needs some love and attention.

I've lived in three houses and throughout bringing my kids up (now older teens and adults) I can't think of a single time, even with little little kids that I haven't collapsed into this "shame" when people come over. It's always worse with my kids peers than mine. And once I know someone well I couldn't give a sh*t!

Me too i think it seems back to childhood.
I know it's shallow to feel this way and when I visit other people value a warm welcome and being made to feel at home more than what the house looks like but I can't help myself.
I also think it is lack of confidence and low self esteem

Oh god that’s sad, it sounds lovely
people who deserve your time and a visit to your home will love you for who you are

I do go to therapy and we have covered this house shame and I can see the roots of it - my childhood was one of boom and bust, scarcity and abundance.

My mums house was always large but often really really messy. Embarrassing to have people round. There would often be no food in but occasionally we'd eat like kings. We were often scruffy/ not well looked after but my mum was a glamorous woman who always looked immaculate and well groomed.

My dads was the opposite , he was rich and had housekeeper, nanny, gardener so it was always very grand and not a thing out of place. Except I wasn't particularly welcome and definitely felt inferior.

I over compensate too - I'll wait on the kids hand and foot wanting them to feel really welcome and want them to leave thinking "marshmalloo" is lovely.

I often spoil visitors with lots of snacks/drinks comforts.

Like I'm "on duty" not just relaxed in my home whilst one of my kids has a visitor.

It resulted in an argument with my husband this morning as he started hanging washing out when they were due.

I'd hidden the washing basket, moved the messy show basket into a closed room.

I have 2 gorgeous cocker spaniels but feel really stressed about their hair as they often shed and worry they'll think we're filthy.

@Notreat it's definitely a low self esteem / low self worth thing for me.

I just shrivel up and feel wholly inadequate :(