Renovate or move out

[GDLN]

Dear all, we own our house outright through inheritance and it is worth about £950,000 in St Albans. My partner is retired and brings in £2000 a month and I am much younger than him and work as a full time teacher bringing in £3000 a month. We do not manage to save but we do not go into debt - most of this money goes each month to our house help (as my partner is 75 and gets very tired), the subsidised private school fees of our two children (7 and 10 and they both attend my school which is why I get a discount), bills and food.
Our house is really in need of renovation and is in a good location overlooking a field on one side and expansive school grounds on another.
But I hate being in my house. It needs a lot of attention and money spent on it on proper refurb pretty much everywhere to make it look and feel like a proper home. What is worse is that the cat has a wee habit we can do nothing about and the smell is absorbed by the natural wood floor and it makes me want to wretch. That's a whole other problem which we are unfortunately probably stuck with as every other option is more distressing for the cat and for the children.
I find I'm generally unhappy with life right now - just drained from school and not able to enjoy the benefits of working hard such as feeling like I come home to a nice house and enjoying one or two paid holidays a year. In a way I feel mad to complain as we are sitting on a potentially lovely house in a great location but it's unable to ever be properly improved.
My question is what you would do - would you renovate by taking out a mortgage or would you move out and get somewhere less nice but fully done up and homely? I would be interested in your opinion on this situation. With much gratitude.

I think the first question has to be what does your partner think? If he's not open to renovating (with all the disturbance that entails) or won't move because he's happy in the house as it is / there's no house "out there" that he would like to live in, then there's nothing you can do.

Personally, I'd look at the figures. If renovating would substanially increase the value of the house by more the cost of the renovations then I'd renovate particulary as it's in a good location.

Never the less, it does sound as though you're exhausted. Is there any outside help you can buy in? A cleaner, home help. food delivery, ironing service, nanny? You'd feel happier and able to enjoy life if some of that pressure was taken from you.

I'd only renovate if you can afford to move out elsewhere while it's done otherwise it's VERY stressful.

Problem with moving is there are a lot of costs involved and it sounds like you have a great location anyway. It could possibly be cheaper for you to renovate- but I guess you need to decide what exactly does renovation look like? Is it an extension / knocking wall down or just a full refresh of all the rooms? If you could take out a home improvement loan to do the work then you can choose everything yourself- if you buy a new house that is finished then you live with someone else's choices. Whilst it is very disruptive getting the work done you are unlikely to regret it and don't have to do everything in one go.

Realistically, your cat is going to ruin any 'new' house anyway. Can't you just focus on 1 room, either your bedroom or a sitting room, and redecorate that, get some nice new cushions or bedlinen, a nice smelling candle, and lock the door so that the cat won't come in?

Thank you all, some great suggestions. I like the idea of focussing on one room at a time too. The house belongs to me - my mother bought it for me, so yes I'm very lucky but my cash flow is very meagre after bills are paid so we are sitting in this potentially nice home which has been in a state of semi-disrepair for years. My partner is retired and does the odd lesson or bits of work here and there but essentially his life is far less stressed out than mine and the lack of parity between what is going on with him and me can be hard sometimes, particularly as a lot of the money goes on home help which, if it was the other way round and I was a SAHM, he would never allow money to go to the home help as he would see it as my responsibility, though he denies this is the case.

Could you move to a cheaper property to free up cash? (I don't know how feasible this is as I'm aware St Alban's is a pricey place to live). If yes, then I'd go for that as it will hopefully take some of the stress of your about finances and the thought of doing up your current house. And while I (and all of MN) potentially sympathise with you on the DH not pulling his weight bit, he is 75 which is a perfectly reasonable point in life to be slowing down.

I'd be thinking ahead and getting something appropriate for someone who is 75. Unless you're not planning on staying with them, then I would look at what you want to do as it's your property.

You had a child with someone who was 68 at that point? It's none of my business, but would you not have wondered about his physical and economic ability to help raise that child? When your youngest is 12, your husband will be 80 and might need full time care with going to the toilet, washing etc. You have to start thinking about making your home wheelchair friendly, and planning for the enormous care costs that can easily arise. How woukd you pay 60k/year for a care home or a carer visiting 3 or 4 times/day? Most people sell their home at that point.

Thank you for your wisdom. Unfortunately we aren't all as wise as you are with some of the life decisions we make at the time and we all have different backgrounds and influences and emotional vulnerabilities and you wouldn't have the first idea what these are so I think - talking of wisdom again - it might be wise to keep judgement to yourself.

Not judging, but if you ask for advise about renovating your home, you should really consider how to make it adaptable/whether you could move to a bungalow and how you can release equity for likely care costs.

Whilst @NellyBarney maybe said it woth little tact, it does make sense to be thinking ahead. I live amongst a lot if oldies, and most of them, despite being fit and able in their 70s need some form of assistance in their 80s.
I would take advice from a financial adviser to find out what can be taken into account if your partner needs care. Should you keep your money in your house, or should you move whilst you can. Obviously not every person who ages deteriorates, but it makes sense to prepare.

Have you looked at Bricket Wood? The property prices there are better value in St Albans and you could move right in to one of the newer properties without needing to do any work. There is one that would be adaptable as your husband ages (already has a bedroom and bathroom downstairs): https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/137907368#/floorplan?activePlan=1&channel=RES_BUY

I think given your circumstances and the fact you don’t like your house it would be sensible to move to something that will make things easier for your husband as he gets older and potentially needs more support. Teenage years are not easy and if you add in a partner who may need care it is potentially going to be a lot on your plate.

If you renovate you have the stress of renovation (I am mid renovation currently) and ending up with a house that doesn’t really suit your family needs.

I would be thinking of selling and moving into a more suitable place no point in throwing money at a house that’s not suitable .
your in a very demanding job,you deserve to get home and put your feet up
sell

Sounds like you should consider downsizing to a home that will meet both your current and your future needs: well decorated and accessible for an elderly person.

In 10 years time you may have two lots of university costs to contribute to, together with a partner requiring additional care. I would focus on a plan for how to manage both of these, which doesn’t sound achievable in your current situation.