MIght be an AIBU - slight decorating stand-off with DH

[Tightwad2020]

Just a mild vent here, really. We live in a pretty Edwardian house which we moved into over 8 years ago, and our predecessors were fond of magnolia over existing wallpaper, stumbling around in the dark through with inadequate electrical work, porridge coloured carpets (to enhance the porridge/magnolia walls), brown paintwork everywhere on doors and panelling, and just various soul-sapping, joy-denying decorating decisions.

We have done quite a lot of work, but we are still staring at the crap magnolia paint over the wallpaper in the sitting room, It was never nice, and now 8 years on, it really needs changing. Along with the 20 year old IKEA Klippan sofa which I originally bought for the au pair's room, in the house before last.

Yesterday, I began stripping wallpaper in the sitting room. I would rather look at rough walls that are our own work in progress than someone else;'s (shoddy, corner-cutting) choices for another day. About to get started for today, and DH suggests I might want to cool my jets and take some time off the decorating. Since I never leave a mess behind, and we can always use the room throughout, I don't really know why this is an issue. The dining room, it is true, is not very useable currently, since that is where I'm storing ladders, tools, art work that can't currently be hung. But we do have a breakfast room with a proper table so we can always sit to eat in comfort. And the smelly stuff - paint, white spirit, etc - is tucked away in the cellar.

I am cross! I want to make the house properly our own, especially the sitting room. DH has his study, DS has his study/sitting room as well as his bedroom, I want to be able to retreat somewhere that is my own and reflects our (OK, probably more my) taste.

Anyone else have similar struggles with their OH? I pointed out that DH ought to be delighted to have a wife willing to do a lot of the grunt work involved.

Why does he want you to stop? He doesn’t get to make a unilateral decision. It’s your house too. Just tell him that it’s being done, either by you or a professional.

I was like you when we moved into this house. Was a reflection of me really disliking the house. Stripping the paper will also give you an idea of what state the walls are in. (We basically replastered the whole house.)

I don't know why he wants me to stop (I'm not stopping!) The stripped walls will almost certainly require lining paper, and that is beyond me or him, so it will be a decorator. Realistically, a decorator for the painting too. And I will be moving some wall lights, installing new ones and extra sockets, so that will require an electrician. It's people in the house, it's disruption, it's money, it's mental bandwidth which has to be given over to choice of paint colours, it's realising that the coffee table you bought six years ago doesn't really work, nice though it may be, and you need to change it. I can' see why he might prefer not to have the pfaff, and is feeling a bit railroaded!

But - at the end of it all, you have a lovely room which is better lit and works better for the uses to which you put it. I am more motivated by these things than he is.

Anyway, I am continuing to strip the walls, and it's going fine. I also pointed out that I will be digging earth, mixing concrete and shifting paving slabs in the summer when we work on his pet project, redesigning the garden! He should be on his knees, thanking the universe for bestowing such a Trojan upon him!

Reading your initial post OP, I could have wrote it myself about my DH. He dislikes any change to do with decor! If he had his own way (and he usually does) there would be no accessories in the house & everywhere would be even just painted white or magnolia. I feel like my wings are clipped sometimes, it’s so frustrating. Other times I think fuck it & just wait til he’s doing a night shift & crack on

I sympathise, my partner is similar. That is why I insisted we buy a house under budget, allowing me a generous renovation budget, and that we complete the works before we move in. He would have never let me do anything otherwise!

I buy a lot of household items myself because it is too much of a pain to ask him to contribute (and he will always want to buy the cheapest option available, whereas I do not).

@harryandmarv - you are saintly! I could not reconcile myself to permanent magnolia. Keep on cracking on during the night shifts! - does he notice? complain? or does he actually like it once it's done, provided he doesn't have to get involved?

@mobear - are you a designer? I am in awe of your ability to renovate a house to completion before moving in. I seem to need to live with a space for a looonnng time before making decisions. I also buy a fair bit myself (have just been rejigging my finances this morning to make room for the sitting room project and various other smaller bits and pieces) and manage the joint account carefully to squeeze a bit more from it.

So: sitting room walls all stripped, next stage is to get decorator fella in to tell me what's what. That's booked for next week. I think it will go like this: electrical work (new wall lights, additional power sockets, change switches to dimmers, repurpose switches to two other rooms); make good the walls and line in preparation for painting; painting walls, ceilings and woodwork. My best guess is around £1200, maybe £1300 and I'm planning on paying for this myself over a few months - the work can be done in stages. Then I can turn to reupholstering one sofa and replacing t'other, and any other tweaks to furniture and decoration in there. DH will likely pitch in at the sofa stage.

Anyway, I have been showing an interest in his project - landscaping the garden - and he's ready to order materials. I don't mind helping with the work, in fact, I will enjoy it. But I really don't want to research hardcore and reclaimed bricks any more than he wants to strip walls and tinker about with paint and fabric samples. Peace has broken out.

Ha ha, most of the time, he does actually like what I do and hates to admit I was right! but on the odd time I may want to change something and he’s dead against it, that’s when I sulk! Depending whether I feel brave or not like I say I just do it anyway or I just bide my time. He is though happy enough to just let me do all the painting but if he suspects I have some trick up my sleeve he’s been known to hide the paint trays and brushes!

@Tightwad2020 No, but I’m very ‘aesthetically sensitive’ as I say, ha ha, and I have a good sense of what I like. I’ve done up a couple of flats before and I’ve learnt a lot from those. For the house though we’re going to need an architect which I’m hoping will help.

If you’re paying for the living room, make sure he pays for the garden! My partner’s interest is also the garden but as we’ll miss the warmer months to the renovation works the garden is next year’s problem!

My DH is a bit like this but not because he doesn’t want to change it, (although things don’t bother him until I point them out...) he just cba. We are both crap at DIY (and it’s an old house with high ceilings and lots of woodwork features) so get the professionals in. I end up organising the work and deciding all the colours (although he won’t agree to anything too dark ) and he always ends up loving the results 🤷🏻‍♀️

We’re currently in the middle of having 3 rooms painted and the fuss he made about the disruption is hilarious, god knows how he’s cope with actual renovations! I’m keen to move and we need this work done if we want to sell in the short term.

Wow-if you get all that done for that budget I need your contacts!

@MrsElijahMikaelson1

ha, ha! nurtured over a decade and more, hands off, they're mine!