Anxious about holiday

[PrincessOfPreschool]

Hi all. I'm not sure what I'm after here. Sage advice, reassurance.

I love holidays. I love planning them, staying in multiple places all booked privately, planning activities - basically being my own travel agent. Half the fun is looking forward to the holiday but this year is different.

I didn't want to go on holiday really, but for my DH, DC, niece and sister (who like to come with us), I eventually booked a Tui package as an easy option as I couldn't be bothered to do the usual. I'm now dreading it. I'm worried the area is really touristy (not really my thing); I'm worried the hotel won't be nice (3 star, we usually do Airbnb and stay in several places); I'm worried about relationships (niece has significant mental health struggles, DH and I are not getting on at all); I'm even worried about not having a washing machine (we usually have very limited luggage but wash clothes a fair bit).

In my head I know I'm just so lucky to be getting away - to Italy! But in my heart I would rather stay at home and I've NEVER felt like this in my whole life. I'm worried it'll be a bit of a disaster if I go in with this mindset. Please help me change it 🙁🙏.

If you've never dreaded a holiday before maybe something shifted, managing it might make the week bearable. You're not ungrateful, you need some control, package holidays are the literal opposite of that. That's not a flaw; that's just how your brain works. Trust me I know this all to well.
Here's the thing: built your entire holiday experience around planning, choice, and novelty (Your plan/itinerary). You handed all not someone else. No wonder you're panicking. Your brain is screaming "I don't know what's happening and I can't change it", you feel tripped you want to know you have flexibility even if you change it or not.
You mention DH tensions and niece's mental health as afterthoughts, but honestly? That's where your panic is coming from. A 3-star hotel is fine if you want that. Touristy areas are fine if you want that. But being stuck with 5 people in close quarters that's hard.
You don't need to "flip your mindset" into excitement. Build your literally,
solo morning coffee anywhere, local cafe or in your room. Separate activities.
book a night in a different hotel/Airbnb mid-trip or just as an alternative if you want it, Found the local Launderette or Ask the hotel if there's a laundry service. Pack lightweight, quick-dry stuff clothes.
You can Hand-wash in the sink if needed.
Talk to DH before you go. Not accusatory just: "I'm nervous about this trip because our vibe has been off. Can we try to have some fun together without other?" Just a conversation not a demand, people can surprise you. Can you talk to your niece? (if she's old enough): It's okay to have bad days even on holiday.
And if it's genuinely rough, you're allowed to come home and never do a package holiday again. I am A travel planner for neurodivergent individuals and families, I have adhd my self and I am mum of a autistic son.

You just have to think it differently, maybe a change of your thinking can help you navigate things in a better way

@TheNewFinchHow do you suggest I think about it differently?

@TravelplannerThanks. That's helpful to think of things I can do for myself and not worry about everyone else all the time. Perhaps that's the burden which has made me not want to go on holiday at all. Helpful to think about that and just to worry about myself and no one else. I think I'm likely neuro diverse (ADHD, maybe AUDHD) but it's not really a control thing, I'm fairly laidback about things like that and I love surprises. I just did all the planning in the past because no one else does and we wouldn't have any holiday if I didn't. I left it really late this year and no one offered or even started! My niece is nearly 17 and probably autistic, masks well but mental health difficulties can make her hard to be around, especially in the way she treats my sister and can be v manipulative. If I put boundaries down, there will be kick back, but at least we're not sharing a room.

I chose a package holiday deliberately because I didn't want to make all those decisions and be in charge of making sure everyone had stuff to do to keep them happy. My eldest is autistic so holidays are challenging anyway, especially food and sightseeing (anything apart from playing games). Then DH and DS like 'activities' - sports, or sightseeing. DD, me, niece and sister like some relaxation, somewhere to read and water to cool down, more secluded places (can't have that though cos of rest of family who get 'bored'). So I think it's finally come to a head this year and I just couldn't be bothered so took the easy option.

Look at each issue separately.
You don’t have a washing machine but you will have a large luggage allowance and there will probably be laundrette facilities near by.

Just because it’s a package holiday, is it AI? unusual in Italy, it doesn’t mean you can’t go off and do things.

Family dynamics and relationship with DH. It maybe a good idea to plan a few date nights where you and DH go and do your own thing.

@ItshotinherebutainttakingoffmyclothesIt's not AI, just B & B. Luggage allowance is 40kg for 5 of us all adults 17+ (that's what we usually take, it wasn't included in the package, I had to book it directly with Ryanair). There's no hand luggage just a bag which fits under the seat in front. But yes, hopefully can find a launderette.

It sounds like you’re putting pressure on yourself to make sure everyone has a perfect time, but it also sounds like everyone is old enough to contribute to their own enjoyment.
A B&B hotel in Italy sounds wonderful. There’s the food, the scenery, the slower pace, little walks, local cafés, sitting outside with a drink, discovering somewhere new. Try to let yourself experience it too, rather than spending the whole time checking whether everyone else is happy.
Your enjoyment matters just as much as theirs. Let the holiday unfold rather than feeling like you have to manage it.

That's lovely advice. Thank you so much @Forgottenmyphone. I felt more relaxed just reading it!

Another thing, if the area is really touristy, it’s likely touristy for a reason…Perhaps it’s very beautiful, or close to some brilliant day trips? Embrace that. If it’s touristy, it will have some decent infrastructure: lots of cafes and restaurants to choose from, perhaps some good public transport to nearby beaches and sights, coach excursions, activities for your DH and DS etc etc. There’s always a silver lining in everything. You’ve just got to look for it!
Also, regarding everyone taking responsibility for their own holiday, you might want to set that tone before you leave, so make it clear to the rest of your family that they are responsible for making sure they have everything. You can help them by suggesting things to pack, but ultimately it’s down to them, and consequently THEIR problem if they have forgotten a charger or swimming trunks or sunglasses!

I am a very much a pack light person, for whatever reason our trips away are often a week or less. The longer you are away for the more clothes you need, I would in the first instance get on Google maps and look for launderettes in the vicinity of your hotel. If there is nothing, you have the option to go back into your booking on the Ryanair website and add another 10 or 20kg of checked luggage now, save at least the stress you have right now of worrying about doing laundry.

Sorry you aren’t looking forward to the holiday.

its a package, so less for you to worry about in some ways, as down to travel agent to organise.

personalities of other family members you can’t control, you can’t make them get on, so don’t even try, they are all adults I presume and take responsibility for their behaviour towards each other, it’s not your responsibility.

try to get something out of the trip, even if it’s time for you to reflect and think about what you want out of life, as you certainly don’t sound very content atm.

sometimes events we don’t have high expectations for turn out to be the best.

good luck I hope you have a lovely time