Villa all inclusive

[Navigatingstepparenting]

Hello
Up until now I have holidayed with my kids alone, my partner has come on a couple but we leave his kids at home. Basically been told after 6 years I have to now take them abroad with me and mine; we do do weekends in uk with them. There is 6 of us.
2 girls and 2 boys. I don’t want seperate rooms as I then have to sleep apart from him for the 10 days etc and I just don’t feel that’s fair. I already won’t have time with him as it is now they are coming (for context when we fo with my kids they entertain themselves in the pool, water park and they lime the evening entertainment and go off and do the arcades. His kids don’t. 1 may stay in the room the other daughter allows us no time together, hence I like going with just my kids.)

I need recommendations of sites or plaves that we can get an all inclusive villa style apartment with 3 rooms in. I have to fork the extra hill as he can only afford £200 a month. So if I want to go next year I have to make up the shortfall so I kinda need something as cost effective. Please can anyone offer any good suggestions

You clearly don’t really want to go on holiday with your step kids and it sounds like you don’t even have a good relationship at this point - lots of resentment coming through your post. Wouldn’t it be better to just separate and have the holiday you want with your own kids?!

Basically been told after 6 years I have to now take them abroad with me and mine

"Been told" ??
"I have to" ??

If he can’t afford to pay for his children to go abroad why should you?
Do you live together? Does he contribute to the bills and housework 50:50?
I have a feeling this is going to turn into another cocklodger thread

@Sparrowsandbudgiesunfortunatly he doesn’t really like me going away on my own with my kids. I am taking mine to a once in a lifetime American trip this year and he’s not coming and he’s not happy about it. He came abroad with me and mine w couple years ago and was ok with it taking his but this year he’s very adamant we need to sort then passports and take them.
I personally would like him to come abroad with me and my kids as my kids really loved having him last time with us. So I will suck it up. I have suggested we do one holiday abroad just with my kids and one with all the kids but he doesn’t like that idea. He said if we do one with just mine then we shoukd
donone with just his. It’s so hard as he was never really fussed before. Not sure what’s changed. But I just hope someone can give me some good places to look

@geogerhe can afford £200 times by the 12 payments we would have to make. So he can afford £2400 roughly. His disposable is less than mine. My disposable for days out, holidays etc is roughly £1650 a month. My take home is roughly 4200 but my rent is 1200 and my kids live with me.His disposable he says is alot less as he earns about £2400 although has no rent on his house but other bills.
we don’t live together as financially it wouldn’t work due to difference on opinions on how money etc would be split and who contributes what. He feels I should contribute more as my kids live with us however his kids are the more fussier with food and things and part of my money is made up of DLA and Pip which he would expect to be put all together in one pot, not realising my UC would drop massively with his wage and he doesn’t understand that if his wages change he would have to contribute more. So for 6 years we have stuck to seperate houses and seperate bills. We spend our money on different things and that’s ok, and gives all children a stable home. Once our kids are older and move out we will plan to live together, we stay at mine or his durn the weeks and it’s a set up that works. Unfortunately I live an all inclusive holiday and that’s what my kids are use to, I pay for the water parks attached to hotels normally etc. I will pay roughly £4500 for a 10 day all inclusive for me and my two kids. But he feels that’s extreme. So I am trying to find a comprise so if he pays the £2400 for his half and I half to pay a little extra so be it

@JustGiveMeReasonyes I have been told that if I want him to come abroad with me and my children from now on that his children now have to come too. Even though the other abroad holiday he came on I paid for him. If we have a weekend away as a couple we have to take all the children away the weeekend before now. Problem
is in one breath he makes out he is wonderful but in the next he doesn’t bother trying to have them more durn the week, he doesn’t pay for maintenance and he won’t fight their mum in court although he believes she isn’t fit to have them. He loves the idea he is a great dad to his girls but in reality he isn’t. They often go weeks without coming on the weekend. They didn’t come last weelened as we went to a concert the weeekend before and apparentlt it was someone his daughter wanted to see (I didn’t realise this until her mum said after). So I also worry if I pay too much for them they may not come

He wants to play Disney Dad on your money? I don't think so! Go on your own with your kids. He can take his own kids on holiday.

What @Rachelshair said.

There is no way I would be taking his dc.

I’d tell him that you are taking your children away on holiday. He and his children are welcome to join you if he pays for them all. He is taking you for a ride. Where does all his money go if he’s got no rent, pays no maintenance and goes weeks without seeing his DCs?

He sounds like an awful father. It'd break my heart if dh and I split up and he didn't see dd for weeks on end and went away with another family for weeks without her using up a ton load of leave. You must see how it looks from a child's point of view. But if he can't pay he should do something with his children he can afford instead.

You don’t even live with this bloke and he’s bullying you into taking his DC on holiday and paying for it!

Are you actually desperate?

Wow he's done a number on you if you think this is remotely ok! Go away with your kids on your own.

How on earth do you get an income of £4200 a month and stil have UC?

OP everything to one side (as I think he sounds like an asshole) have a look at AI hotels in Turkey, we have booked a 3 bedroom lakehouse at Liberty Signa this year and there are similar configurations at other hotels in Turkey that are decent quality AI. But it’s not cheap, peak season those kind of accommodations will cost 18k (including flights) unless you go out of peak season.

So he is broke, controlling and "loves the idea he is a great dad to his girls but in reality he isn’t."

Why on earth are you staying with him and trying to drag your children into this mess.

Use that holiday money to get therapy not villa recommendations

So, has he sorted the passports for his children?

@flippinnorastightspip, child DLA. UC, caters. Child benefit and child maintenance and I work a few hours a week from home earning around £400 a month. Problem I have is if I don’t pay for bus ticket at lease I have to then pay for someone else to come with me as I struggling to do the holiday on my own with my kids and it’s not fair they miss our due to my disabilities.

hebcan only afford £2000 for them all. I usually lay in the region of £4800-5500 for the 4 of us. He is out of touch with how expensive things are these days.

@MrsPapillon he works for a agency to give himself a better work life balance and earn more money per hour so his hours are never the same and sometimes he does earn just st enough for the bills he pays. He’s also got a car again which he didn’t realise the cost entailed. He budgets £50 a week for food, baring in mine 2 days he is meant to have his kids so he would then eat noodles all week hence I just feed him with my kids and or provide the food for him to coo including us.

So your take home is basically all your benefits/maintenance minus £400 you earn?

@katiemarnienot yet. He is for a Christmas present. We are currently waiting on a birth certificate.

its hard to explain this all. But irs like this weekend for example. They turned up yesterday. I made plans we go Saimming today and bits as he kid loves swimming. Last night she’s upstairs messaging him she feels poorly to go swimming, then to say she’s going home this morning. She did this last time. The other daughter has had a horrid attitude with him. When they are here he really does try and is a good dad it’s just the in betweeen he doesn’t push for more time, never use to worry about going away without them but now makes this big thing. Perhaps because his eldest is now vocal and has a go at him for going away weekends they are due to come, as that is every weekend even when my kids are at their dad’s! And he does say it’s me booking if and he can’t say no. She said to him he can it’s his choice. Thing is we use to have his kids Sunday and Monday. So we would go away the weekends without mine and be back for 11am Sunday morning for their arrival. Now he has them Friday and Saturday every week so I’ve said I will be going regardless of whether he comes as I need time without kids

@Bluesclues1yes. My rent though is £1200

And you can afford a holiday of a lifetime to the States, and regular private AI villas abroad with your £1650 disposable income per month? Unless your exH pays you £2K a month in maintenance, I’m thinking this is rage bait.

Agreed.

@MrsPapillonnot at all. States holiday was funded with inheritance my dad was left. I’m just doing the spending money.
and yes regular abroad holidays I do. I save £1000 a month of my disposable income. So within 5 months I pay of the holiday.
£580 pip
£580 DLA
)344 carers
£180 child benefit
£400 work.
310 maintanve
£2050 UC makes the £4444
my bills are between £2600-2800 depending on if the kids needs clothes and things extra that month.
I then keep the 600-£800 over the £1000 for days out and bits for the kids as disposable and save the £1000 a month for Christmas, birthdays, holidays

Just tell him to fuck off. If he wants him and his kids to come on holiday, he pays half. If he can't afford it they don't come. Why are you letting him boss you around and tell you how to spend your money? What's he going to do about it if you just say NO.